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    • The top free or low-cost ideas to entertain your kids this winter in Chicago. Winter activities for toddlers and elementary-age kids.
      The holidays are behind us and the long Chicago winter stretches out ahead. This leaves all parents and caregivers with the same question: How the heck are we going to entertain our kids for the next three months?
      [Related: Make winter in Chicago your favorite season with these fun outdoor activities]
      Having lived through eight Chicago winters with at least one child, I give you my top activities and favorite things to do to kill time—I mean, educate and stimulate—your little ones. The best thing about most of these tips is they work for both the infant/toddler set and elementary-age kids. Get out and have some fun this winter!
      My favorite free activities that work for the whole family:
      The library. I love libraries, all libraries. My local branch has a fantastic section for both elementary-age readers as well as young toddlers. It also offers games, puzzles, computer time, homework help, and movies to keep kids of all ages entertained for a solid stretch of time in the morning or afternoon, and most have Saturday hours! Free days at any of the museums (but go early). I sometimes avoid these days because the museums (understandably) can become so crowded, however I’ve learned a few tricks over the years. The benefits of getting there right when the museum opens: On both the Museum Campus and near the Peggy Notebaert Museum, there is cheap to free street parking that is not yet occupied; and the museums usually doesn’t get insanely crowded until later morning when you will be on your way out. The Lincoln Park Zoo. It might sound insane to go to the zoo when it’s freezing out but here’s why it works: It’s almost always empty when it’s cold out so you have the zoo to yourself if you motivate. There are so many exhibits that are warm and indoors – if you building hop you can spend at least an hour or two there in general quiet and warmth. There is more likely to be free street parking or metered parking around the zoo if you’re not a member and you don’t want to spring for the zoo lot. [Related: Does your child have SAD, or is it just the winter blues?]
      Great activities for the entire family for a fee:
      The movies. My 2 year old will sit through pretty much anything if I give her popcorn, but I understand some 2 year olds might not sit through an entire movie. But if you have a movie-going family this is a fantastic way to spend an afternoon. The Davis Theater in Lincoln Square was recently renovated and is $9 for kids. Little Beans/Big Beans in Evanston. Definitely not inexpensive but Mondays are $6, and if you get there early, you can relax in the toddler room while your older kids play on the basketball court or on the obstacle course. The Morton Arboretum in Lisle. This is a hike from the city and it’s all outside, but to me it is well worth it. If you bundle up and can hit the highway after rush hour this is just an amazing way to spend the day. There is a children’s area that has both a maze garden and a fantastic larger space to explore. There is usually a small craft set out, gnomes to hunt for, rope climbing to tackle, and of course hot cocoa in the cafeteria at the end. If you have just older ones with you there is also the ability to rent snow shoes, which we are hoping to do this winter. I’ve found the biggest challenge to getting out of the house throughout the winter in Chicago is mostly my own attitude. There are some hidden gems in this city in the winter, and if I can just motivate to get out to see them it’s always worth it. 
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    • When Chicago's gun violence hits close to home, the first thought for many families is to pick up and leave. Here's why one Chicago dad didn't.
      I remember it being a relatively uneventful Monday afternoon at work when this sobering message from 46th Ward Alderman James Cappleman hit my inbox:
      “According to the Chicago Police Department, at approximately 10:30am today, there was young man shot on the 900 block of West Buena Avenue. The victim was approached by two offenders and was shot in the chest. Police say he was taken immediately to Illinois Masonic Hospital where he is undergoing surgery and remains in critical condition. Chicago Police detectives are working with neighbors and nearby witnesses to try and gather accounts and surveillance footage. Police have stated that the victim was most likely known and targeted by the shooter.”
      I was horrified. No, I wasn’t lamenting another Chicago shooting that’s made our city the poster child of the gun-violence epidemic in our country. And, no, even though I understand families in the city are burdened by shootings and the threat of gun violence on a daily basis, I admit I wasn’t thinking about the victim or how this act of violence must be affecting his family. My concern as a hyper-vigilant father-to-be was that this was news happening a block from my home. There was no changing the channel and ignoring this shooting.
      I walk along the 900 block of West Buena Avenue all the time. It’s where one of our favorite neighborhood restaurants is located. It’s also where my then-8-months pregnant wife, Ewelina, and I envisioned we’d be taking our son one day for story time at the Uptown Library. But plans change. Shots fired, shell casings and yellow police tape steps from your home will do that.
      Before I finished reading the rest of Alderman Cappleman’s email, my thoughts shifted to my pregnant wife and how there was no way we were going to let our first-born child be raised in a neighborhood like this. Where it isn’t even safe to walk around the block on a Monday morning. After forwarding the news to my wife (with the hastily written subject line: “WTF … from Cappleman”), I did what any overprotective father or father-to-be with the ability to move his family would do—check the real estate listings for homes in safer areas of the city. Hell, let’s even give the suburban ads a peak while we’re at it, I told myself. Maybe my wife, who was raised in Paris and has made it abundantly clear on numerous occasions that we will forever be city-dwellers, would finally accept moving to the suburbs (gasp!) after what happened down the street.
      To give some context on why I reacted the way I did, I was raised on the not-so-dangerous streets of Schaumburg. Where getting my bike stolen in front of the local swimming pool was the biggest danger I faced during my adolescence. When we found out last year we were pregnant, I understood that our son would have a far different experience growing up than I did. At the same time, I never imagined that that experience would be dealing with gun violence. Maybe that’s just me being naïve or not living in the city long enough to know that that’s the sad truth of being a Chicago resident these days. 
      However, as a first-time father who never thought having a child would be possible, I think you tend to overreact to certain things, and you tell yourself you will do anything possible, even uprooting your family on a moment’s notice, to prevent your little one from facing any pain or negative experiences.
      I guess that’s just faulty thinking, though, because you can’t insulate your child from the realities of the world. I’m glad we didn’t end up moving—although my wife will attest that for a couple days after the shooting I pushed hard to pack up and leave—because I would regret not having our son grow up in Chicago. He won't have a backyard like I did. Instead, he'll be just minutes away from a beautiful lakefront path and many, many parks. He won't just be watching the Cubs on TV when he gets home from school like I did. Instead, he'll be able to walk the 15 minutes down Sheridan and Sheffield and catch the game in person. He probably won't have a pet like I did (sorry, kid, but I'm not cleaning up after pets after 20-plus years with cats and litter boxes in the house). Instead, he'll be able to ride his bike or walk to the Lincoln Park Zoo.
      Not everything about living in the city is as ideal as spending an afternoon by the lake, in the stands at Wrigley, or at the zoo, as this shooting near our home, and the many others that occur in Chicago every day, give people plenty of reason to leave. But we're not going anywhere with our son. This is our city. This is our neighborhood. This is our home.
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    • An infertility expert offers tips on getting through December.
      When you have fertility issues, the holidays can feel like a punch to your heart every time you open up a card with tons of adorable children or see the many social posts of holiday traditions for children.
      Every year, I tape the holiday cards to the front of my refrigerator. My first round of IVF failed around November of 2008. I got pregnant and miscarried six weeks later. So, with that first holiday, taping the cards up on the fridge was a bit painful. And then, trying to rise above feeling pity for myself, I kept the cards up until the end of January as usual.
      When trying for my second, the cards-on-the-fridge tradition became a game of pain-and-torture. I had three holidays of taping up those cards and feeling finger-flicks of pain in my heart with every card I put up, and then staring at them for a month.
      Don’t make the mistakes that I made. Be kinder to yourself and put yourself first—because you deserve it.
      Here are some techniques that I have gathered and created throughout the years to help my clients deal with Holiday Infertility Pains.
      1. Hide the holiday cards except for the ones that make you smile when you open them.
      2.Get off social media until January 5. Removing social media is a freedom like no other.  And the time you will get back in your life can be used for Nos. 3, 4, 5 and 6 instead.
      3. Create an appreciation log. This log is simply the gratuity journal that Oprah has been telling us about for years. If you are often on the go, use a cloud-based organizational app like Evernote to keep the log. Research has proven that those who write about things they appreciate every day are healthier and happier. So, if the holidays are extra hard due to infertility, this is a great way to reverse some of those feelings. It is harder to be sad and feeling like your life is missing something when you actively notice and record all of the good people and events that surround you.  And if the people around you are not making you a better, happier person, you now have your New Year's resolution completed.
      4. Meditation feels like Valium. Download the Headspace app for a 10-minute guided meditation. Plan this into your schedule so you cannot skip it. If you do skip, you need a new time during the day to do it. And if you are very anxious, do deep breathing (into the nose for 8 seconds and out of the mouth for 8 seconds) for 2–5 minutes. Set your phone, so you do not have to check the time. And then do regular breathing, or guided meditation, for another 5 minutes.
      5. Create a vision board. Include a positive pregnancy test, a picture of a baby ultrasound, a picture of a pregnant woman’s belly, a picture of someone in the hospital holding their baby for the first time (remove any faces), and a family picture with as many children in it that you ultimately want. Keep this in a place where you will see it multiple times a day. You can either cut and paste pictures from online or use Pinterest. Look at this board often and imagine you in those pictures. Feel what it feels like to be that person.
      6. Talk to your BFF (Best Fertility Friend). If you keep all of this pain and negativity inside, there will not be enough room for your baby-to-be to grow. You need a completely clear mind and body. Call or text your BFF as often as possible to talk, vent and create strategies for your next journey to getting one, or another, child. And if you do not have someone like this in your life, I would be honored to be that person for you.
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    • Here's how to survive holidays like Christmas with a peanut allergy or other allergy.
      The holidays are upon us, and with the holidays come family gatherings, tidings of good cheer and food—lots and lots of food. Everywhere one turns there are cocoa and cookies and fruitcake—oh, my!
      For some, this time of year, and the many delicacies that come with it, is welcomed. But if you have a child with a food allergy it is a total nightmare. 
      Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want others to suffer just because my child can’t eat something, but sometimes I wish we celebrated with movies or cards or activities rather than food. It’s something everyone can enjoy rather than be excluded from. As my child has gotten older it’s definitely gotten easier to navigate the holidays in regards to sweats and treats, but it’s certainly not without bumps in the road. 
      Here are seven simple steps to help you navigate this month (and heck, you’ve already made it through Thanksgiving so pat yourself on the back). 
      Now, full disclosure, my oldest has celiac disease so should he ingest a food he shouldn’t eat he will not go into anaphylactic shock. I 100% realize that a food allergy is obviously a lot more stressful, to say the least. Still, he reacts with vomiting for 12 hours and no parent I know likes to deal with vomit, and no eight-year-old I know likes to vomit, so we are vigilant in avoiding gluten. On to the steps: 
      1. Help. As in, ask for help. You can’t do this alone, so make sure you reach out to the other parents in the class and understand who’s doing what for each holiday get together – this way you can more easily move on to step 2.
      2. Outsource. You don’t have to do all of this baking yourself. There are dedicated nut-free bakeries, gluten-free bakeries, and all sorts of amazing bakeries in the city. Use them! They even deliver.
      3. Listen to your child. Sometimes he might want to skip an event (if it doesn’t mean skipping school I’m okay with this) or go a little late to miss the cookie-decorating part. If it means avoiding a severe allergic reaction and keeping your kid happy then it’s ok to change up tradition or make your own new ones.
      4. Involve your child in creating those new traditions, be it an outing, a food she wants to attempt to make herself that works for her diet, or a new restaurant she wants to try that you know would be safe. Help your child lead the way.
      5. Dedicate. Meaning, dedicate a single day to knock out of all your allergy- and diet-friendly baking (so that you can spend the rest of the holiday season prepared and enjoying the season, rather than scrambling). Also dedicate a day to just your child. As in tip No. 4, give your child a day where food is not a thing or an issue that comes up on his radar—just fun and coziness and holiday joy.
      6. Alternatives. As in alternatives to food. Our society revolves around food, whether we like it or not, but little by little classrooms and other social gatherings are changing to focus on group get-togethers and crafts rather than just food. Pinterest has a ton of great ideas for things to do at classroom holiday parties that are not food-related, such as tree-decorating contests, snowflake decorating, snowman poofs and even indoor ice skating.
      7. Yay! You made it. Now pour yourself a glass of Champagne (or gluten-free, vegan eggnog) and toast 2018!
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    • This Chicago mom makes listening to opera part of her family's regular activities. She says there are 3 big benefits to exposing kids to opera early.
      I was a theater major (turned banker), so naturally I enjoy music and performance, and my husband is a big opera fan. We're also parents to two toddlers, so music is an essential part of our family life. Before kids, my husband and I used to go to a dozen shows each opera season, and now we still go to half dozen shows as a date night, sans kids. (I know some who have parents tried, but personally I don’t think it is wise to take kids under five to the opera.)
      While my kids are too young to step inside the Civic Opera House, we often play opera for them. There are numerous studies about the "Mozart effect" on brain development in children, so I won’t go there. For me, there are simply three benefits to exposing my children to opera:
      They learn to focus 
      Most of the opera shows have dramatic voices and movements and fancy costumes, which catch kids’ attention. In the digital world of overstimulation, I always wonder how our kids are going to learn if they can hardly focus. Some operas have unbearably long pieces, so start with one you like and truncate them into a 3-minutes spans to play for your kids. Here is my playlist of four well-known pieces I play for my kids often. My almost three-year-old practices her vocals after I play them every time.
      They learn another language 
      If you are type A or multicultural parents (or both, like me), you're likely keen to start the second language as early as newborn. Studies show early childhood foreign language learning provides higher academia achievement and positive cultural enrichment. And almost all the opera masterpieces are in Italian, Spanish, French or German, so besides learning to count in Spanish from 1 to 10, kids can also learn words from master composers.
      They learn about romance 
      Opera is all about LOVE! Our country need it so much, especially in this political climate. All operas somehow involve romance. A tenor could sing for 15 minutes about how much he adores the eyes of his lover (who does that now?). Unfortunately, somebody has to die at the end of the story, for the big love sacrifice.
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    • Get your kids interested in cooking and healthy eating by letting them help in the kitchen.
      We all know that cooking with kids is recommended. Research shows that it encourages kids to have a more adventurous palate and promotes family bonding, among a host of other benefits.
      But the truth is, cooking with LITTLE kids can be a real circus act. 
      Take, for example, the time when my mini sous chef decided to use the kitchen faucet as a fire hose. Or when and my little pastry queen turned our kitchen floor into a sugary beach. Of course, these things always seem to happen while something is burning on the stove and someone needs a massive diaper change. UGH. So much for family bonding, right?
      The reality is, on most nights, it's hard enough to get a meal on the table without our kids' "help." So how can we reap the benefits of cooking with kids without the headache?
      As someone who's made a lot of rookie mistakes, but stubbornly keeps trying, here are five things I've learned.
      1. Don't attempt to cook with your kids right before dinner. If you actually need to get a real meal on the table in 30 minutes or less, don't even attempt to involve your kids. It will be a disaster. Instead, give your kids a snack sampler and find a time to involve them when the clock isn't ticking.
      2. Give kids age-appropriate mini tasks. Cooking should be fun, so it's important to keep your child's fine motor skills and attention span in mind. Beyond measuring, mixing and pouring, a few good tasks for preschoolers include shucking corn, pulling the leaves off Brussels sprouts, sorting dried beans and washing lettuce leaves. (Hint: This leafy greens washing machine game gets my kids to eat their greens every time).
      3. Make veggies a priority. Sure, baking is fun and kids can learn a lot from measuring and mixing. But kids usually don't need encouragement to eat sweets. So, as often as I can, I involve my kids in recipes that allow them to get their hands on vegetables, even if it's just serving themselves a deconstructed chopped salad. 
      4. Do food science. Okay, so this isn't exactly cooking, but the idea is the same and can be just as much (if not more) fun. Fruits, vegetables and other ingredients are great tools for science experiments.  
      5. Make it a scheduled activity. When I lack the creativity or energy to come up with a fun cooking activity, I turn to the pros. We LOVE the cooking classes at The Kids Table, where my kids have learned to like (or at least try) everything from lentils to tofu. Next on my list is to try a kid-focused recipe kit from Raddish or Kidstir. These could even make for great holiday presents.
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    • A stranger illustrates how to treat children with disabilities or special needs: with dignity and respect.
      For 20 years I have been a parent of a child with special needs. You can imagine how often I have shopped for, and with, my child. Over the course of those years, I have encountered numerous vendors, proprietors and salespeople. There are retailers to whom I would never return and those who I frequent. There are common characteristics of those vendors, and quality of merchandise is not high on the list.
      Foremost, both the sales personnel and the shop are inviting. When I walk into a store I want to feel welcomed, and my daughter, who has Down syndrome, wants the same. There is often an assumption that a child or an adult with a disability is not aware of, or cares about, common courtesy.  A simple "Hello, how are you today?" is all it takes to feel welcome. An acknowledgement of our presence goes a long way.
      It is a good practice to assume that the child or adult with special needs understands all or most of what you say. Oftentimes a person's expressive ability (speaking) is much slower or more impaired than his/her receptive language abilities. This means that although a child may not be able to answer your question, he/she does understand the questions and comments you are making. To this point, it is imperative that you develop the practice of talking to the child, not about the child. There is nothing more offensive than to have my daughter standing next to me and a person ask me about her, as if she is not there.
      In addition to speaking directly to the child, it is important that you give the child time to process your questions. Don't make the assumption that because she or he did not answer you, he/she is being rude. My daughter was once asked a question by a vendor, and over 2 minutes later walked back over to him and gave an answer. From an outsider point of view, it looked as though my daughter, 1) didn't understand the question, and 2) was inconsiderate. Neither was true, but because the vendor quickly gave her a positive response, my daughter was encouraged to engage more. As a result, she seeks out that vendor and we are in his shop frequently.  
      Just recently, my daughter and I were shopping for gardening supplies. When I came home, I told my husband that we always need to buy our flowers and vegetables from this vendor. Here is why: As my daughter and I walked around the shop, the saleswoman nodded her head "hello" (nonverbal communication). When she was finished with her current customer, she came over to us and introduced herself, shaking my daughter's hand (interaction). She could see we had already started to fill our basket with items and she turned to my daughter and said, "Oh, I see you've already made some great choices! I love the succulents that you have picked out!" (engagement and positive reinforcement). She then asked us if we needed help and I said yes, we were looking for a plant to fill a planter. She turned to my daughter and asked her if she wanted a flower for the new pot. She waited for a response. When my daughter said "yes," she then said to her, "Would you like a red flower?"  (Waited for answer, which was "no.") "Would you like a yellow flower?" (Waited.) "No." "Would you like an orange flower?" "Yes!" Immediately she responded, "I love orange, too! Let's go find an orange flower for you to plant."  
      As the proprietor of the store rang up those items, I asked her about the saleswoman, whose name was Pat. Was she a special ed teacher or therapist working here for the summer? No, Pat is a master gardener. Is she a parent or sibling of a child with special needs? No, Pat is just Pat.
      Pat had no "official" training or education in working with children with special needs. She was simply enthusiastic and engaging with both myself and my daughter. Her interactions immediately built a rapport and she gave my daughter what we all seek the most: dignity and respect.
      One final thought: Be aware that anyone in your store may have a family member with a disability or special needs. How you talk about people will be noted. When you use "person first" language ("I have a client who has Down syndrome," rather than "that Down syndrome girl"), family members take note. When you interact directly with a person with a disability, family members take note.
      I once took my children to a new salon for haircuts. Afterward, my son, who was only 10 at the time, pulled me aside and said he always wanted to get his hair cut there. I said I didn't know he cared about his hair that much, and he said, "It's not the haircut. They were nice to Emily." He has been getting his hair cut at that salon for the past eight years. We all have.
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    • Choosing a preschool or elementary school is stressful. Just know that the right school is out there, but you might not find it right away.
      One of the things I both love and find infuriating about raising kids in the city of Chicago is school choice. I grew up in a small suburb outside of Boston and you simply went to the school that was assigned to your neighborhood—one of the three that were available. A few outliers went to one of the local Catholic schools, and even fewer attended the private boarding school down the road.   Raising, and educating, children in the city of Chicago is an entirely different animal, but having gone through the early preschool and elementary years generally unscathed I can tell you: Take a deep breath and relax, because it all somehow works out.   I think one of the biggest lessons I had to learn was that I might not get this school thing right on the first try, and changing schools is not the end of the world. Kids are resilient, kids will not remember their 3-year-old preschool friends if that is not who they end up going to school with for elementary school, and it is most certainly okay to make a change if the school is not the right fit—that’s what choice is all about.   Here are what I feel are the top three things to keep in mind when deciding where to send your child to school:   Location – I’m putting this one first because the initial preschool we decided to send my oldest son to was exactly the right school on paper, except it was 3.5 miles from my house. Now, 3.5 miles does not sound very far, but at 8:30am in Chicago rush-hour traffic (even without snow or rain or construction) this is a 25-30 minute commute. My naïve younger self thought this was no big deal. Wrong! This is a huge deal. First of all, getting a toddler out the door is no easy feat in and of itself, never mind his or her younger siblings, then to drive close to half an hour for a two-hour toddler program. No, thank you. Lesson learned. We switched to the preschool we could walk to. Price – School tuition for both the preschool and the elementary years runs the gamut from free to more than some colleges. The tuition-based preschool program for 3- to 5-year-olds via CPS is approximately $14,000 for the year for 2017-18 – for a 10-hour day. If you need that type of coverage during the school year this is an excellent tuition. And, of course, there are many other schools at a lower or higher price point that should work within your budget. Curriculum – This is another area that I had strong opinions about. Although I did want my children in school at age 3, I did not want them sitting at a desk. I wanted a play-based curriculum for them that focused more on having fun and socializing than academics. Of course, this changed for us for elementary school where I wanted them to be pushed academically, but nurtured socially.   Having been through this process and finally finding the right fit for our family for elementary school, I can’t reiterate enough that although the process can be exhausting, it does all work out in the end.   Our family did not take a straight path from A to Z to find our school but rather meandered through three different preschools and two different elementary schools, running the gamut from public to private to Catholic. Do I wish it were easier? Of course, but at the same time I’m glad I made the changes and found the schools that were right for my kids. Remember, deep breaths.  
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    • Tips on how to let your kids enjoy trick-or-treating without the crazy sugar high.
      I know that Halloween is a favorite holiday for so many people. And I totally get the appeal—carving pumpkins, dressing up in cool costumes and getting free candy is pretty sweet. As a parent, I still love the holiday, but I’ve learned that I need to "tweak" my approach to the holiday to keep my kids from turning into little monsters.
      For starters, the crowds in Chicago can be out of control, especially during the trick-or-treating hours hosted by neighborhood stores. It’s a far cry from the small-town experience I had a kid and, truth be told, it can a bit much for my youngest who tends to be crowd adverse. Our solution: Go early and make a quick exit. Sure, that means less candy for the kiddos, but isn’t that also a parenting win?!
      I’ve also learned that not all kids like dressing up. Last year, we tried to get my four-year-old to wear three different costumes. She HATED them all. They were either too bulky or too “polky.” So, this year, we’re meeting her where she’s at: a simple cotton T-shirt with her favorite character on it and a matching cape. We’re definitely not going to win any costume awards, but she’s comfortable and that’s what matters.
      And finally...let’s talk candy. As a dietitian, I’m very mindful of the fact that most kids (including my own) eat too much sugar on a regular basis. But on Halloween, I want my kids to be able to enjoy a reasonable amount of candy without feeling any guilt.
      So, here are five simple strategies we use to relish in the gluttony of the holiday without straying too far from our wellness goals.
      Surround yourself with healthy foods. Before trick-or-treating, feed your family a healthy meal and be sure you’re stocked up on fruits, veggies and whole grains the rest of the week. Eating high-fiber foods helps us to feel full, which makes candy less appealing. Enjoy, then limit. After you get home from trick-or-treating, let your kids eat a few of their favorite treats, guilt-free. Then restore your normal rules about candy (i.e. limit it to one fun size snack per day).  Keep active. After your kids eat their Halloween candy, plan a movement activity (like riding scooters or going to the park) to help prevent the dreaded sugar high. Out of sight out of mind! Keep the leftover Halloween candy in a cabinet where it can’t be seen every time anyone walks by. Hand out healthier treats. Limit the amount of candy in your home by handing out individual bags of pretzels, stickers, pencils or fun erasers, instead.
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    • Go apple picking, check out fall festivals and pumpkin farms, search for homes decked out for Halloween and more ways to celebrate fall with your family.
      It’s that time of year when there is pumpkin-flavored EVERYTHING and the weather is absolutely perfect for exploring before old man winter comes and sends us all into a seasonal depression (c’mon, I know I’m not the only one who goes crazy being cooped up inside with energetic little ones, right?!?!).
      So make the most out of fall in Chicagoland and create your own family fall bucket list. Need some inspiration? Here’s what is on ours—and be sure to keep up with our autumnal activities over on Instagram, too!
      Go apple picking.
      Go on a nature walk to admire the fall colors.
      Rake leaves…and of course jump into them!
      Head to a local pumpkin farm and pick your own pumpkin.
      Throw a pumpkin carving party.
      Celebrate Oktoberfest at some of these family-friendly celebrations.
      Drive around Chicagoland to visit some of the absolute best decorations and homes that are decked out for Halloween.
      Take part in the biggest jack-o-lantern display in the Midwest!
      Have a big family bonfire…with s’mores, of course!
      Check out some of the many family friendly fall fests going on around Chicagoland.
      Pop some popcorn and watch It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.
      Collect colorful leaves and make some crafts from them (paper plate, scissors, glue and you have the perfect fall leaf wreath).
      Go on a search for the best pie in Chicagoland. Don’t know where to start? Check these out!
      Happy fall, y’all!
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    • Here are the terms you need to know when you're searching for Chicago preschools and elementary schools.
      It’s your kids who are starting school, but for many parents searching for schools feels like being in the classroom all over again! You’re taking notes on various schools, coming across brand-new terms you’ve never seen before and—gasp!—maybe even compiling a spreadsheet to keep everything straight. 
      It’s overwhelming, and the urge to play hooky to escape all this is tempting. But we at NPN are here to ease some of the anxiety that comes with finding the right school for your child with our Preschool & Elementary School Fair, CPS 101 classes and more.    Let’s drill down on the basics: a lesson on elementary school terms.    Charter (adj.): a school that gets both private and public funding but is not subject to the same regulations and school-board policies as traditional public schools. Students must apply, and the schedule and curriculum may be different from other public schools. Used in a sentence: I have one child in a CPS school and another in a charter school, and even though their days off don’t always align, it’s still the best option for our family.   Lottery (n.): a computerized student-selection process that is, on its face, random, but is actually influenced by a few factors. If your child has a sibling in the school; if you live within 1.5 miles from the school; and/or if you live in an area that, according to U.S. census data, is considered to be in a low socioeconomic tier, your child moves up on the list. Used in a sentence: I am praying to the lottery gods that our proximity to the school will grant my son a spot.   Magnet (adj.): a school that specializes in certain subjects, such as math and science, or teaching and learning styles, such as Montessori. Students are selected via lottery (see: lottery). Used in a sentence: The school right across the street from me is a magnet, so I can’t count on my daughter getting in.   Magnet cluster (adj.): a neighborhood school (see: neighborhood school) that specializes in certain subjects or teaching styles and accepts students based on attendance boundaries. Students who live outside the boundary may apply, and they’re selected through a lottery (see: lottery). Used in a sentence: Affordable real estate surrounding Lakeview’s Blaine Elementary, a highly rated CPS magnet cluster school that focuses on the fine arts, is hard to come by.   Neighborhood school (n.): the CPS school your child is automatically accepted into, based on your address. Used in a sentence: The CPS School Locator tells you what your neighborhood school is.   Selective enrollment (adj.): schools for academically advanced students; testing is required for acceptance.   Used in a sentence: Bob and Judy have been using math flashcards with their daughter since she was 6 months old in hopes she’d test into a selective enrollment school.  
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    • My daughter needs to learn that there is more to talk about than body shape.
      If there is one thing I would change about my body it would be how people view it. Because they don't just view it, they feel the need to comment about it. In front of my children. 
      Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop talking about bodies, about my body. 
      "Oh my god, you're so skinny!" isn't praise or a helpful observation. It's annoying, unnecessary and not something I want my children to hear on repeat. 
      I actually own a few mirrors. I've seen my reflection and I don't need every other stranger and non-stranger to mention my appearance. I don't need your help in forming an opinion about my size. I especially don't need my children seeing my body through those comments. 
      At the current rate of remarks, my poor children are going to grow up thinking bodies are the most important thing to talk about. 
      "Oh my god, you look so... " STOP. Is that really the first thing you want to say upon seeing me? Is that supposed to be a greeting? How about asking how the kids are doing? You know, these little humans, right here, in front of us, hearing everything you say? 
      Oh, my dear fellow women who also struggle to love their bodies, what makes you think skinniness is a thing to be praised? Do you really want my daughter growing up thinking she needs to walk around seeking public appreciation for her body?
      My weight is not a badge of pride. It's often a sign a stress. Stress impacts bodies. So does illness and an endless list of other things that are not worthy of praise. Things that are not always in my control. Things that are actually scary and not something I want to talk about, especially if you're not a close friend of mine, and certainly not in the middle of Target. 
      So please, let's find a better way to greet one another and more meaningful things to chat about.
      I am proud of the things my body can do. It can follow wobbly toddlers and keep them from falling, it can soothe crying babies when I hold them close, it holds a heartbeat that my daughter loves to nuzzle in and listen to.
      I want our children to see us finding as much comfort and love in our body as they do. It keeps them safe, regulated and calm. 
      That's how they view my body and that's the view I want to have reflected back to me every day. It's what I choose to see. I don't need you interrupting that. 
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    • A Chicago dietician offers 5 strategies to help picky eaters that worked with her kids.
      When my eldest, Jack, was a toddler, I thought I had it all figured out. He was (and is) curious, easy going and eager to please. Naturally, these temperamental qualities translate to him being a good and adventurous eater.
      As a dietitian, I gave myself a big ol’ pat on the back. Surely, his good eating skills were because of me, right?
      Well—go figure—kid No. 2 had different ideas in mind. My girl, Caitlin, is sweet, observant and smart, but she’s stubborn as all get-out. Plus, she struggles with sensory processing, which can make eating a challenge.
      As an infant, she refused all purees. As a toddler, she’d have a huge meltdown at the sight of yogurt (which, coincidentally, was her big brother’s favorite breakfast food). And, now, as a kindergartner, she’ll be the first to say "no" when a new food comes her way.
      The good news: We’ve made lots of progress. While Caitlin still has her food challenges (I mean, who freaks out at the sight of chocolate?!), I’m happy to say that she now has a wide repertoire of healthy foods that she loves. But it definitely didn’t happen overnight. It’s taken a lot of focused work and dedication to get to this point. And while there are some nights when I want to throw in the towel and order delivery, the hard work has been more than worth it.
      As a dietitian, I have a leg up on closely following what all the scientific literature has to say about picky eating, as well as strategies that work. While these proven strategies are a few of our favorites, as a mom, I know that every kid is different. If you’d like more tools in your toolbox, my free ebook, 21 Picky Eating Hacks, has lots of helpful advice.
      Here are five simple strategies that have worked with my kids.
      1. Reframe your thinking. Labeling our kids doesn’t do them (or us) any good. Instead of defining your child as a "picky eater," reframe your thinking by telling yourself that your child is "still learning to like new foods." This simple shift in thinking brings more positivity and patience to mealtimes, which often results in better eating.
      2. Talk less. Encouraging a child to “take one more bite” or “clean your plate” can add pressure to mealtime, as well as position healthy food as a punishment. When kids aren’t pressured to eat, studies show that kids actually eat more food and make less negative comments about their food.
      3. Put a sticker on it. Kids, like adults, are suckers for good marketing. In one study, when an Elmo sticker was placed on an apple, the kids nearly doubled their choice of the apple. When I first tried this with my kids, they ended up literally duking it out over the apple. Oops, maybe this strategy works a little too well!
      4. Create hands-on opportunities (away from the table). New foods can be super-intimidating to kids. So, give them lots of opportunities to become familiar with a food, before it ever makes an appearance at the table. Using fruits and vegetables in art projects and science experiments, as well as reading from food-themed books can all help.
      5. Move, dance or play before a meal. Work up an appetite and get the wiggles out by engaging your child in physical activity before a meal. Research has shown that when schools have recess before lunch, the kids make healthier food choices. Bonus tip: Have a snack sampler ready, so your kiddo can nosh on fruits and veggies as an appetizer.
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    • Finding the right school for your child starts with asking the right questions. Here are 9 important questions to ask when researching preschool and elementary schools in Chicago.
      Whether you’re attending the NPN School Fair or you’re going on a school tour, asking the right questions of a school representative is one of the most important ways of determining whether a school is right for your child. 
      But what should you ask? Below are some of the most common questions parents ask when chatting with school reps, along with why their answers are so important.
      1. What is the education philosophy?
      You’ll want to know whether it lines up with what you believe and how you want your child to learn.
      2. What is the average class size, and what is the teacher-to-child ratio?
      An obvious question, but an important one: The smaller the class size and teacher-to-child ratio, the more attention each student receives.
      3. What specials does the school have?
      Specials are classes in areas such as music, art, gym, drama, band and foreign language. Not every school offers them, so if any of these subject areas are important to you, make sure they’re also important to the school.
      4. Is there recess?
      Recess is not a given, and if a school does have it, it may not be as frequent or as long as you or your child would like. Better to set your expectations now, or use this factor as a tipping point in choosing a school with a longer recess if that’s a priority for you.
      5. Does the school have before- and after-school care?
      If you’re a working parent, this question is crucial. Find out if the hours of the before- and after-school care work for your schedule, and if the cost works for your budget. Some schools offer care on-site, but others contract it out, which will likely have your child walking or being bused to another location.
      6. What is the approach to standardized testing, and how have test scores grown over the years?
      This answer to this question will reveal the school’s academic priorities and how the school handles students’ stress when it comes to testing. How a school’s test scores are improving shows you its potential. If the scores are improving every year, that’s obviously a good sign. Even if the school’s test scores are not where you want them to be right now, they might be there by the time your child is in school.
      7. How do teachers support students who are working above or below grade level?
      If students are excelling or struggling, some schools give individual work suited to their level, but other schools expect all children to move at the same pace as the rest of the class. Parents should ask this question so they can be prepared to supplement their advanced child’s learning at home with enrichment activities or, for struggling students, spending extra time on homework or hiring a tutor.
      8. What is the discipline policy?
      Many schools use a strategy called “restorative justice,” which eschews punishment for mediation and agreement to solve problems. Others go the traditional detention and suspension route. How a school handles discipline reflects its culture and, with a few more questions (e.g., How many detentions and suspensions were handed out last year? At what point would the teacher or principal call a parent?), you can get a sense for how nurturing the administration is and how safe the environment is.
      9. What opportunities are there for parents to get involved in the school?
      In many ways, a school’s success depends on parent involvement, from fundraising to helping their kids with homework to advocating for improvements. It also gives you a feel for “extra” activities a school might provide, such as movie nights, dances and winter celebrations, which often are organized by parents.
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    • 10 thoughts that will go through a parent’s head when school starts after summer.
      Right now my Facebook feed is filled with pictures of smiling (and I’m not going to lie, some frowning) photos of kids standing with signs that declare their first day of school. They are absolutely adorable in their best “first day of school” outfits, filled with nervous anticipation of what is to come for the upcoming school year.
      But I always wonder what these pictures would look like if there was a parent standing with an adorable personalized “back to school” sign. I mean, would anyone be brave enough to publicize their true feelings? I most definitely am, and will be rocking my own version of a “back to school” board in a few weeks—be sure to follow me on Instagram to check out the finished product. Until then, here are 10 thoughts that will go through a parent’s head on the first day of the school year:
      FREEDOM. Sweet, sweet freedom. My baby! How is my baby so grown up? I can remember bringing him/her home from the hospital like it was yesterday…where has the time gone?!? Where does everyone keep getting all of those cute “back to school” chalkboard signs? I’m lucky enough if I find a black marker and a blank piece of paper that doesn’t have toddler scribbles all over it. Look at that, we are actually on time for the first day of school. I’m totally going to be on time every morning. I mean, it’s really easy. I’ll just have to stay up until midnight getting everything ready the night before. No big deal, right? Speaking of prep work, that lunch I slaved over last night better get eaten. I mean, I cut the sandwich into a fish for crying out loud. I should have taken a picture of it to put on Instagram. Think I have enough time to take a quick picture before the bell rings? I’m officially old. Old enough to have a child in school. I used to be young, hip and totally cool. THIS. IS. DEPRESSING. Pictures! I have to take a picture. Wait, what? Storage full?!?!  NOOOOOOOOOO. I really hope my child gets the teacher who doesn’t believe in giving homework. No, I’m not crying. It’s allergies. Haven’t you heard of fall allergies? Does anyone have any tissues? Ok, you officially managed school drop off without completely freaking out and making a fool of yourself. Now just don’t forget to get to school pick up on time!
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    • What's normal, what to expect and how to cope when it comes to infant crying.
      Most expectant parents understand that after their baby is born, she will cry. A lot. But how do you cope with the stress of hearing your baby cry, and how will you know whether your baby's crying is normal?    Nancy Mork, LCSW, of the Erikson Institue's Fussy Baby Network, offers some great insight on infant crying below.    How do you know if your child has colic, rather than a normal baby who cries a lot? All babies cry, but some certainly cry more than others! The definition of colic is the Rule of 3’s: more than 3 hours a day, more than 3 days in a week, for at least 3 weeks. Babies with colic typically will be inconsolable in the evening and have a higher pitched cry—it often sounds like a pain cry. You might notice that they turn purple when they cry. Although holding more can help, it often does not stop the crying.    Is there a difference in the cries babies make depending on their needs?  Yes and no! It really depends on the age of your baby. You really can’t distinguish the cry in a newborn—with sound alone. Looking at your baby usually helps parents to be able to distinguish the cries. Context also helps, if you know that it is almost time to eat, that helps! The one cry that you can distinguish is pain: It is higher pitched, loud, with sudden onset.   What are some coping mechanisms for parents who are on their last nerve with their crying infant? Crying is probably one of the most gut-wrenching parts of parenting. Most parents find the crying to be stressful and frustrating. It is important to know that it is always ok to put your baby down, in a safe place, no matter what. Taking care of yourself is key. Get support from family, friends or even Fussy Baby Network. If it is the middle of the night, it is good to know that there is a hotline available for you to call, 1-866-364-6667, which has trained counselors ready to listen and offer support. You are not alone in these feelings and no one should parent alone.    Taking a break is also really important. It doesn’t have to be long, but having someone you trust watch your baby for even just 30 minutes is crucial. Remembering to breathe—taking three conscious breaths—can also help.   What expectations should expectant parents have about how much their infant will cry? Believe it or not, it is totally normal for infants to cry up to three hours a day! That’s a lot of crying. It helps to know that all babies go through a normal crying curve. Babies actually cry more at around 5-6 weeks than they did the first few weeks. Although all babies are different, at around 12 weeks babies are crying much less.
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    • Neighborhood Parents Network and the Chicago Sun-Times partnered to present a panel discussion on the state of education in Chicago. These were the overarching themes from the discussion.
      What's the state of education in Chicago, and what can be done to make sure every child gets access to the same opportunities? Those were the questions guiding Tuesday evening's panel discussion, Letters to the Editor Live: Chicago Education in Crisis, presented by the Chicago Sun-Times and Neighborhood Parents Network. 
      The panel—comprised of Sun-Times reporters and columnists Lauren FitzPatrick, Dan Mihalopoulos, Mark Brown and Mary Mitchell, as well as NPN's Amy Johnson and Tiffany Norwood, both CPS moms—fielded tough questions from moderator Jim Kirk, editor/publisher of the Sun-Times, and the audience of parents and community members. 
      The result? Some salient points and overarching themes are outlined below, but one thing that can't be emphasized enough is that reporters like those on last night's panel want to hear about what's important to you and what you think readers should know about. So if there's something about Chicago education that you think is underreported, don't shout into a vacuum: Contact these reporters! 
      Okay, off the journalism soapbox (John Oliver does a much better job anyway) and onto some of the issues covered during the panel discussion:
      Parents and community members are frustrated with CPS and Chicago Board of Education. No surprises there. People are upset about the lack of transparency when it comes to Board of Education decisions and CPS's apparent lack of a strategic plan to improve education in Chicago.
      An elected school board may not be a horrible idea. Reporter Lauren FitzPatrick cited her investigation of Board of Education votes over the years and few, if any, cast dissenting votes on any proposal. And while an elected school board would likely invite patronage, steep campaign spending and every other issue that can come with running for elected office in Chicago, coud it really be worse than what we have now? "It's worth a try," columnist Mark Brown says.
      Impoverished and minority students need more CPS support. Columnist Mary Mitchell said 82% of CPS students live in poverty, and CPS has failed at finding a way to create environments that are nurturing to poor kids. 
      But there is good CPS news. One audience member, a CPS mom, noted that CPS 4th graders lead the nation in growth in math scores (8th graders also have shown nation-leading growth in math scores). The graduation rate is growing (though not as quickly as CPS originally stated). And there are some parents doing great work to make CPS schools better. FitzPatrick mentioned the Logan Square Neighborhood Association's Parent Mentor Program, which recruits parent volunteers to assist teachers and work one-on-one with students—after 100 volunteer hours, they get a stipend.
      Stay tuned for more NPN education programming and discussions. In the meantime, if you're searching for the right school—public or private—for your child, don't miss our upcoming school fairs. 
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    • The talents parents develop in order to keep their kids sane and happy should be rewarded with Olympic medals. Here are 4 parenting feats that should be Olympic sports.
      Olympic fever is alive and well in our house. The excitement of close finishes, the talented and determined athletes, the national pride..what isn’t there to love? And what I find even more inspiring is that many of these athletes are parents, which means that while training for the Olympic Games, they are also participating in the Parenting Games.   Which got me thinking about what types of “sports” there should be in the Parenting Games…skills and accomplishments that make you feel like you have mastered at least some part of parenting. So tell me, have you gone for the gold in any of these activities?   The Floorboard Walk As any parent knows, it is a sign of deft expertise to be able to walk through your home silently and avoid all of those floorboard creaks, whether with a sleeping child in your arms or just after you tucked someone in and are hoping to race to your adult beverage and remote control before your little one wakes up.   This vital parenting ability is also related to stepping on LEGO without screaming every expletive imaginable and walking past musical toys without setting them off (not only waking up everyone in the house, but also freaking yourself out a bit….because those toys are WAY creepy once night time settles in).   The Diaper Challenge We have been surprisingly lucky to have kids who enjoy eating at local kid-friendly restaurants and behave rather well through the course of a meal, but there is always an element of going out to eat that truly puts our parenting skills to the test: changing a diaper when there isn’t a diaper changing table.   Figuring out how to change your wiggly little one and keeping him or her from touching all of the nasty surfaces in a bathroom definitely proves that parents (especially those awesome dads out there!) earn the beer waiting for them back at the table.   The Target Tantrum Side-Step Target is my happy place, but not so much when I am there with my kids. Why? Because they too fall under Target’s spell and want EVERYTHING! And when Mommy says no, guess what happens? Tantrums.   Tantrums so bad that their faces get almost as red as the cart they are strapped inside. So every time a parent manages to either ride out the tantrum or head out the door while wrangling wailing kiddos, she should get bronze, silver AND gold medals.   The Sleeping Child Transfer You know what’s awesome? When your kiddo conks out in the car and you can drive in peace (and maybe even hit up the Starbucks drive-thru). You know what’s not awesome? When your child screams and fights being in the car seat only to fall asleep five minutes from the house. But when you are able to somehow maneuver your child from the car seat, through the house, over to his bedroom without waking him, you have officially mastered parenting. Tuck yourself in as well, and enjoy a hard-earned nap.
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    • Having a baby in the NICU is a terrifying and stressful time for parents. One NICU mom offers advice on how to get through it.
      While many NICU stays come as a surprise, sometimes parents are told to anticipate their child needing specialized care in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) in advance. Leaving the hospital without your baby is never easy, whether you had the opportunity to emotionally prepare for it or not.   For parents anticipating this very stressful and challenging time, l have compiled a list of resources to reduce stress, increase bonding and make the process as smooth on the family as possible. This list of resources and advice comes my experience as a NICU mom and from a fantastic group of attachment and trauma therapists I have the privilege of working with.   Connect with other NICU moms right away—they will be a great source of support and advice during your journey. Search Facebook for groups and connect with local moms through parent groups like NPN. Visit Centering.org for resources. There's a section specifically for NICU babies. You'll be able to find some children's books and maybe even a coloring book or activity book to flip through with older children.
      Have a friend or family member bring you a clean washcloth or tiny baby blanket, or even two small matching ones. Sleep with them for a night or two and then give one to any children who will remain home while mom is in the hospital. It'll be a nice way for them to feel connected to you while you're not with them. Then, when your baby is born, ask the staff to put one in your baby's isolette. Depending on the hospital's infection-control policy, they may take it out after surgery, but they can put back in later.   Sing to your baby. There has been some research into the effectiveness of singing to your baby in the absence of being able to touch them. You don’t have to have a wonderful singing voice or even know all the right lyrics, words are not as important as the tempo. Consider buying a small voice recorder to allow your baby to hear your voice even when you are not physically present.   Create a narrative. I started putting together a Shutterfly book in the NICU to describe our experience. Also talk out loud with your newborn about her birth experience, the fearful transition away from you, the confusion of the new location and, most important, your joy of meeting face to face for the first time. That story is so important and healing, for both of you.   Start conversations with your not-yet-born infant. If you find out while pregnant that your baby will spend time in the NICU, explain to him all that is about to happen, make guesses about how these things might feel to him (for example, that he might worry the grownups aren’t ready for him, or that he might worry they are trying to get him out before he’s ready). You don't have to get the words perfect, but you do need to occupy some of your energies with mentalizing this unborn child while communicating your assurance that you will be there when he comes out (even though you worry—and he knows it—that you won’t). You need to tell him all about the c-section, about who will be taking care of him, and how you will hold him in your heart when you can’t be right next to him. You do have the power to communicate with him, and to hear his “voice” back.   Put some family pictures by your baby's bedside or even tape them onto the sides of the isolette. It will get the NICU staff talking about you to your baby when you're not there.   Use kangaroo care as much as you can. Healing Touch is incorporated in the US and, given the research supporting it, most or even all NICUs are doing this. Healing Touch is the only accredited energy medicine, and most of the research has been gathered in hospital settings. It's usually just reserved for Mom and Dad.   Find out the visitation rules for the NICU before your baby is born. Are there visiting hours? Can your other children come, too? What about extended family and friends? Get as much info as you can now so you feel prepared later.   Figure out the parking situation. If you're going to a city hospital, parking may be expensive or complicated. Look into it. If family or friends are offering to help and you don't know what to say, ask for a ride to the hospital for visits. Or, often friends chip in for a "parking fund."    Pump if you can. Your milk supply may increase if you pump while looking at a photo of your new baby and if you have your baby's scent nearby. So, actually, get a third clean washcloth for the staff to put in your baby's isolette for a day or two and then give to YOU to hold onto. Repeat as necessary. Also, drinking lots of water and/or Mother's Milk tea can help increse supply. Check with your health insurance company to find out whether it will cover the cost of a hospital grade double electric breast pump—it's the most effective and most efficient pump out there. Since it's medically necessary for you to pump, insurance will likely cover it.   Don't forget about Dad. He is going to be very worried, and deeply frustrated by the limits on his ability to assure safe passage for the new, sick baby. It will be very important, later, that history shows (to himself, and to Mom) that he stood strong, and that he protected his children and his partner.   Trust the staff. See if the NICU will assign a primary nurse to your baby so there will be as much consistency as possible in his/her care. Also, remember that the nurses and docs will lovingly care for your baby. Even when you're not there, they will tend to her cries and use beamy pillows and other tools to help your baby feel the sensation of being held, even if baby isn't stable enough to be moved around and cradled in their arms.   Take it from me, it will be hard and it will be scary, but you will get through it. The NICU is a beautiful and terrifying place.
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    • It's hard to find mom friends you can really connect with. Here's how one Chicago mom found her match on a blind play date.
      Motherhood is a mix of emotions: excitement, exhaustion and, of course, endless amounts of love. But here’s the thing: Motherhood can also bring up another feeling that not a lot of people talk about. Loneliness. I am lucky to have most of my family and friends living in Chicagoland, but many of them weren’t entrenched in the world of diapers and feeding schedules like I was. I needed to build my own mama tribe, and I didn’t know where to start.   Whenever my baby and I would go to the library or park, I was like a guy on the prowl at Wrigleyville bars, looking for mommy friends. But time after time I was surrounded by nannies or moms that clearly weren’t the right fit for me. I’m not going to lie, it was rough trying to find someone who was not only a cool person who I would have chosen as a friend before kids entered the picture, but also someone who had a parenting style that matched mine.   After a few months of creepily checking out every mom I encountered and exchanging information only to have a play date or two that ended up being a total bust, I was a bit desperate. So when one of my husband’s friends mentioned that she had a friend with boys who lived in my town, I was all about meeting her. I mean, if someone else vouched for her and thought we would be a good mommy match, why not reach out?   Even better, we had the opportunity to meet in a neutral setting before I struck up the courage to “ask her out.” And like most moms at a wedding, we both took advantage of the open bar and ended up looking like hot messes on the dance floor once we were finally introduced. All I remember from our initial meeting was that she was nervous because her baby wouldn’t take a bottle from the babysitter…exactly what I went through with my little guy six months prior. Our first connection.   Cheered on by my husband, I nervously typed an email to her the next week asking if she would like to meet up at a park—my first blind date EVER. She responded immediately, and I giddily counted down the days until our date. Neither of us really remembered what the other one looked like when we initially met in a drunken stupor, but thankfully we were the only ones at the park that morning. In the light of day I realized that this person was my complete mommy match.   Fast forward almost five years, we have celebrated so much together: new babies, new homes, nights out on the town…I don’t know what I ever would have done without meeting this wonderful friend. So my advice to you, lonely mamas, is to speak up and reach out to other moms in order to find your mommy match. You will be so glad you did.
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    • A white mother fears the day her Black son will be viewed as a threat.
      You fear viruses, kidnapping, accidents, and other parenting woes. I fear the day my sweet baby boy becomes a Black man.  
      I fear the world that doesn't value his life. The world that lives in denial, claiming all lives matter to them. 
      When I think about the day my son will drive a car and be stopped by the police, I shudder in fear. I wonder, How I can protect him, a camera in his car? An alert that will dial me immediately and send me his location if he gets pulled over?  I will teach him to respect police, be polite, keep his mouth shut, stay alive, but I know that without real change, it won't be enough.   He will have to learn the painful lesson that he can't act the same as his white friends and his own white parents, that he doesn't have the same freedoms as them. He can't ask why he is being pulled over, he can't quote his rights. He must stay painfully silent and compliant or risk death.    I will try to teach him to strive for perfection, that small infractions will be punishable by death, but it won't be enough.     The videos confirm, it won't be enough.    My small voice feels powerless to control how the world chooses to see him, but still I advocate endlessly. I fight for a world that won't see my sweet, snuggly, special-needs boy as a threat.    All of the horrific murders play over and over in my mind. I picture my son's face. I have nightmares of his body broken, bloody, left to soak in the asphalt because he has to live in a world that doesn't value him.    I am afraid for these Black children entrusted to my care, their birth families, my Black friends. I am just afraid. I see murder after murder and lay awake in hopeless despair.    I want the rest of my community, my family, my friends to grieve with me, carry the sadness. A few do, but most won't. Their silence speaks volumes. They claim to love these children, yet they are unwilling to speak up for them.    My feelings as a white woman parenting Black children are insignificant in comparison to Black parents who have carried this trauma, this fear for centuries longer than I have, who not only fear for the safety of their children, but also for themselves, because being killed in front of their children in broad daylight and leaving them orphaned is a very real threat.   While I am outraged and scared, it's nothing like what Black families have lived through and have felt for hundreds of years. They are the true experts on this topic, but in honor of raising awareness and giving them a break to process and grieve recent events, I share my experience.    Fellow parents, this isn't the time to argue or point blame, it is the time to cry for justice and safety together. This is a time to rally together and say enough is enough.   It's time to listen to the Black voices who have cried out in fear and oppression, respect them, grieve with them, not blame them for the violence against them.    I hope to add advocates to the ranks in my community. Don't let it be the death of my son to be the thing that finally wakes you up, because let's face it, if nothing changes my son could be shot by the police playing alone in a park in broad daylight.    From one parent to another, please, join the movement, fight injustice, advocate for a world where Black lives matter. 
       
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    • Whether you're a new mom or a veteran with three kids under you belt, don't say these five things to other moms.
      Motherhood will make you feel every single emotion possible, including some emotions you didn't even know existed. But there's nothing like the anger/annoyance of an unnecessary comment from another mother. You know, someone who is going or has gone through the very thing you're going through, but somehow feels the need to express disdain or criticize the job you're trying your best at.
      So here are 5 things moms should never say to other moms:
      "Just wait." The problem with this simple two-word phrase is that it's never followed up with things like, "Just wait till your kid starts bringing you margaritas, it's so awesome!" Or "Just wait, in a couple months, you're gonna be able to sleep in until 9am and your 2 year old will totally be able to make pancakes on his own." Nope. Just wait is almost always followed by something negative and ain't nobody got time for that. "You don't feed your kid all organic?" Girl, are you buying my groceries? Because if not then please STFU. I'll feed my kid the best I possibly can but that might not include organic everything. And you know what, you and my kid will be just fine. "You look so tired." An appropriate response to that comment would be, "And you look so old." Kidding! Not really. At some point, we all look haggard, run down or tired, so there's no need to point it out. "You're going back to work/You're staying at home with your child?" GASP! Moms need to give other moms credit for whatever decisions they make with regard to working/staying at home. Period. "My kids would never do that." Right. Because you are a perfect parent with perfect kids. Maybe your kids would never do that but I am sure they did something else equally as bad. So please, get off your high horse and walk among us normal moms. So what should you say to other moms? A couple ideas:
      * "Can I get you a refill on that mimosa?"
      * "You look amazing and I totally can't even see the spit up on your shirt!"
      Read more...
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