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    • Donating new or gently used kids' items to this Chicago charity can change low-income families' lives.
      This is the time of year when many of us reflect with gratitude on what we have, and look to help those who have less. For Amy Kadens (pictured, above), founder of Chicago charity Share Our Spare, taking care of the less fortunate is a year-round endeavor. Her four-year-old non-profit provides new or gently used baby and children's items like diapers, toys and clothing to low-income or homeless families. Where does she get these donations? From awesome people like you! Read on about how this organization got started and how you can help.
      What's your personal connection to this cause?
      In May of 2011, I met a family at a North Side food pantry in need of an emergency supply of diapers and formula for their infant daughter. As the mother of my own infant daughter, I was absolutely devastated by the thought of not being able to provide her with such basic essentials. I emailed my personal network with a request to share any of their spare baby supplies to benefit this local family. The response was overwhelmingly positive, and we quickly collected hundreds of donations from parents eager to help those less fortunate.  
      The following month, Share Our Spare was founded by myself and nine other Chicago women with a desire to help local families in need. While the births of our own children resulted in an overwhelming accumulation of gear for our little ones, we knew that many families were struggling to provide their children with even the most basic essentials.  Recognizing that we had more "stuff" for our children than necessary—and knowing that so many mothers in the community were going without—we were inspired to come together create this organization.  
      Why is this charity so important for Chicago kids?
      We provide parents with a meaningful way to teach their children about giving back, empathy and understanding the needs of our communities. We offer age-appropriate volunteer opportunities for families to participate in together. Even young children can make connections about the power of helping those less fortunate when it is relevant to their world.  
      Whether it's collecting items in lieu of birthday party gifts, hosting a classroom drive around the holidays, volunteering in our warehouse with a Scout group, sorting clothes or counting diapers, there are endless ways to get involved—and that goes for adults, too!  We've enjoyed hosting a variety of groups at our warehouse: corporations for service days, mom groups for "sip and sorts" and the Honeycomb Project with its amazing army of family volunteers.  
      How has being involved in this charity affected you as a parent?
      I've been lucky enough to meet many of the parents we are helping. The truth is that they all want to provide the same things for their children as we do, but many of them are faced with making heartbreaking choices that thankfully we don't have to make. Choosing between providing essentials for their children (diapers, wipes, appropriate clothing, etc.) or paying bills or providing food—it seems unimaginable but it is the reality for many of the families that Share Our Spare serves. 
      As my husband and I are involved in a few organizations around the city serving individuals affected by homelessness, this is often a topic of conversation at home. Our oldest daughter has spent lots of time at ourwarehouse, she has personally chosen her own items to donate and has gone with me to deliver donations to other children. Every year for her birthday party, we ask guests to consider donating an item to ShareOur Spare in lieu of gifts. During the holidays, we sponsor a Thanksgiving meal for the homeless at a local synagogue and we adopt a family with our neighbors through a local food pantry. Our kids help us shop for presents on their lists, wrap gifts and make cards, and then we deliver everything to the family together.    
      How can people get involved?
      We accept donations at our River West warehouse on the first Saturday of each month from 1-4 pm. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more information on donation drop-offs, events and volunteering.  
      Volunteer with us! Visit our website to learn about all of the different ways you can help. Or consider a tax-deductible donation via Paypal or by purchasing directly from our Amazon wish list.  
       
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    • A world-traveling mom has tips on how to make traveling with your kids less painful and more fun.
      When I became a mother, one of the things I was most worried I’d have to sacrifice was travel. My husband and I share a passion for visiting new places and taking in new experiences, and I couldn’t see how that would be possible while carting around young children. I imagined us struggling through airports with too many suitcases, fighting with folding strollers and carting around car seats, taming toddler tantrums and hiding our faces from other travelers while our children melted down in their seats.
      Thankfully, with a few tricks, we’ve been able to successfully navigate a handful of fun family vacations. Here are some tips that made it possible for my three-year-old to rack up as many stamps in her passport as I had by the time I was 30!
      Give yourself extra time 
      There will be emergency stops, tantrums, meltdowns, shoes that take forever to take off and put back on and more obstacles than you can begin to prepare for ahead of time. Give yourself far more time than you need for everything from catching planes and trains to sightseeing. Trust me, you’ll need it.
      Have a game plan 
      Make logistical decisions well ahead of time. Where on the plane is it best to sit? The back row or near the front? Should you book an extra seat? Should you bring a car seat? Plotting out the trip will take the guesswork out of the whole ordeal, and you’ll be able to foresee any major issues.
      Be prepared for illness 
      Between exhaustion, new foods and new germs from sneezy travelers, there’s a good chance your little ones could come down with a bug while you’re away. If there are certain medicine flavors they tolerate that treat ailments they may be prone to, bring them. These remedies may not be easy to find while away from home.
      Occupy their time 
      Bring lots of activities and treats just for the trip. The novelty of new things to do is guaranteed to keep a little one entertained for at least a few precious minutes! Even if you’re not a family who watches TV, bring the iPad, loaded with TV shows, movies and games the kids might not expect. Bring or purchase lots of snacks in the terminal. When all else fails, a treat will be good bribery to keep kids quiet and happy for a bit.
      Be ready for messes 
      Bring along a sippy cup to avoid spills, a bib, more diapers and wipes than you think you’ll need, a change of clothes and a trash bag or two for diapers and discarded food. The less mess you have to deal with, the better. Travel can certainly be challenging and stressful for both parents and kids, but with a little patience, planning and extra savvy, it can be a great, memorable experience for everyone.
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    • A Q&A with Linda Kaiser from Parents for Window Blind Safety on how to protect your child.
      At the beginning of October, IKEA announced that it will only carry blinds with no cords or inaccessible cords in all of its global stores by January 2016. Kids In Danger (KID) spoke to Linda Kaiser from Parents for Window Blind Safety to find out what this change means in terms of ongoing safety and what parents can do to keep their kids safe with regards to window blinds.    What makes this move a big win for window blind safety? This sets the tone for other retailers to join in and start going cordless. Our hope is that all retailers go cordless. This is a huge statement made by retailers alerting the public on how dangerous these cords can be to kids. It’s also important to note that just one single accessible cord can kill a child. Many products consumers think are safe are not safe at all.    What about window blinds poses a hazard to kids? It’s a hazard that is in plain sight, and you don’t even think it could kill a child. Single pull cord blinds look so safe, but they can be wrapped around the necks of children in seconds, which causes loss of consciousness. Kids can’t call for help. They are especially dangerous when you think about how kids play– they use the cords to wrap around their neck for dramatic play (as a pretend necklace, to imitate Rapunzel from Tangled, when acting as superheros). Just think about how many movies you see for kids where someone is swinging from something.   What other steps have been taken to prevent children from being harmed by window blinds? Sadly, not much. We’re still waiting for the CPSC to move forward on our petition regarding inaccessible cords on window blinds for US windows. Unfortunately, the hazard just doesn’t go away with retailers going cordless in stores, as products with hazardous accessible cords can still be purchased online. Custom products have not been dealt with, and until manufactures decide that the lives of children are worth it, we see a desperate need for mandatory rulemaking.   On the positive side, in the past 10 years Parents for Window Blind Safety has been testing window covering products and placing our Seal of Approval on products that pass our first class safety criteria. We have recently united with third party labs to further broaden our testing procedures. This Seal of Approval program is set out to eliminate the strangulation hazards that corded window coverings may present and to ensure consumers can make the most appropriate buying decisions.    How can parents keep their children safe with regards to window blinds? The first step is to know that one single accessible cord can hurt a child. Stop trusting in devices that have failed to keep kids safe.   If you know that, then you can make the effort to not have window-covering products with pull cords in your home. It’s also important to realize that kids can access cords that are “tied up out of reach,” as oftentimes all they have to do is stand on the windowsill.     There are many affordable cordless products available on the market today. The good news is that many can be purchased for around $20 for standard size windows. Temporary shades can be purchased for a few dollars and placed in homes until the consumers decide what type of window covering best suits their needs.   For more information about window blind safety, visit Parents for Window Blind Safety’s website or check out their video, In An Instant. For more information on product safety, go to Kids In Danger and follow us on Facebook.
       
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    • The top things to do with kids during the holidays in Chicago, as chosen by our members on the discussion forum.
      Many of us parents like to plan (often to have our uncooperative children thwart those plans). And with the holidays upon us, there's so much to do in the city that you'll want to mark events on your calendar. What are the best things to do with kids during the holidays? One member posed that question on our main discussion forum, and our members had great suggestions.
      Here they are, in no particular order:
      Christkindlmarket: German-style open-air holiday market in Daley Plaza. Get some gluwhein (warm mulled wine) in the back-by-popular-demand boot mugs, while the kids sip hot chocolate. CTA Holiday Train: Hop aboard a CTA train decked out with lights, music and more, and say hi to Santa, bravely riding on an open-air car even through the subway tunnels. The CTA also festoons some busses.  Wonderland Express at Chicago Botanic Garden: If your child likes trains, prepare for his or her mind to explode with joy as tiny electric trains wind through elaborate snow-covered scenes. Ice skating ribbon at Maggie Daley Park: Experience the second season of the twists and turns of Chicago's newest (and coolest) ice skating rink.  Christmas Around the World at Museum of Science and Industry: Volunteers from Chicago's ethnic communities decorate more than 50 trees to reflect their heritage and holiday traditions. Magnificent Mile Lights Parade: Mickey and Minnie lead a raucous parade down Michigan Avenue, lighting the trees along the way. The Walnut Room at Macy's State Street: A holiday tradition for more than 100 years, the Walnut Room and its 45-foot-tall Christmas tree is something to see. Don't want to pay for a meal at the restaurant? You can check out the tree from the 8th floor. ZooLights at Lincoln Park Zoo: It's free, it's gorgeous, it's a must.  Santa at the Shops at 900 N. Michigan Ave.: A "naturally bearded" Santa, sitting on a throne in front of a giant Christmas tree, will listen to all of your child's needs and wants. Each child gets a special gift. Illumination: Tree Lights at Morton Arbortetum: Beautifully lit-up trees respond to your voice and touch during a one-mile walk through 50 acres of woods.  A Christmas Carol at the Goodman Theatre: Ebenezer Scrooge has been saying "Bah humbug!" at the Goodman for more than 40 years.
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    • Going back to work soon? Follow these steps to make sure you're choosing the best nanny for your family.
      Of course we all want to have a relationship with our nanny that is both personal and professional. It’s a fine line and it’s in your hands to get the relationship off on the right foot. An ideal nanny will ask us about our weekend but refrain from asking details of our night out. How can we establish this relationship and not get in too deep?   When hiring a nanny… Make sure you share the same values about children as your nanny. Talk about expectations, values and education. Communicate what a day would look like when your child is with your nanny. Be clear on your ideas. Be on the same page with discipline. Talk to the nanny about past experiences and how they handled the situation. Ask the nanny about their family. Do they have a close relationship with their brothers and sisters. Are they close to their parents? Get an idea about their social life. Are their weekends packed with going out, or are they more of a homebody? Personality can be just as important as experience. I always tell parents that it’s a gut feeling. Sure, we all feel nervous about going back to work and having a stranger take care of the most important person in our lives. When you meet the right person, you just know. You get a sense of security and those worries slowly melt away.   Before jumping the gun and hiring on the spot, make sure you… Call all references. We at Olive.You.Nanny call at least three childcare references. It’s always a good idea to call a potential nanny's friend, too. You’d be surprised what comes out! Have a trial day with the nanny. Have the nanny come back for at least a few hours. Have her change a diaper, give a bottle. It’s important for you to see the interaction. Run a background check. No matter what. Have a nanny/family agreement you go over to make sure you’re all on the same page. Talk about expectations. And lastly, make sure you set aside time every few weeks to catch up with each other. Talk about how things are going and always keep the lines of communication open!
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    • How to know the difference between normal child behavior and something requiring medical intervention.
      Early in my son’s life, I was on the phone with one of my closest girlfriends, also the mother of a baby boy, and we were talking through the challenge du jour of parenting. (I think I was talking about finding a feeding routine that worked best for my son’s reflux, and she was talking about getting her son on a good nap routine).    She said, “You realize we are in for a lifetime of this, right? It doesn’t end with solving these problems…we will worry about something else next, like how they are making friends in kindergarten, understanding their algebra homework, getting their driver’s licenses, taking the ACT, going to college…it’s never going to end.”    Sheesh. She was right.    The worrying possibilities can be overwhelming and endless. Here, however, are a few topics that often cause parents to worry, but rarely become problems. So cross these off your list!    Irrational fears According to The Child Anxiety Network, 90% of children between the ages of 2 and 14 say they are afraid of something, such as loud noises, imaginary figures (monsters) and natural disasters (floods, earthquakes). Different fears arise at different times in a child’s development and usually go away on their own over time.    If a child is fearful of things or events after a traumatic experience, or if the fear (and accompanying avoidance or physical discomfort) is impacting his day-to-day life, it may be time to seek treatment from a psychologist.   Backwards letters (do not mean dyslexia) Misshapen letters—or letters that are turned around—are part of normal and expected development as children learn to interact with language. Many children who are perfectly bright and learning in a typical manner will write backward letters throughout second grade. Only when the backward letters accompany struggles with reading—such as learning phonics skills or remembering sight words—do we need to consider them an indication of a possible learning problem.   If your child is in kindergarten or first grade, enjoy their writing, allow them to “read” it to you and tell you about the story they have written without correcting letter shapes or spelling. If your child is well into second grade and forming backward letters without experiencing any difficulty with learning to read, look into a handwriting program (like Handwriting Without Tears) that can help with the motor-memory piece of forming letters.   If your child is any age and experiencing difficulty with early reading skills, look into testing and support both inside and outside of school. The kindergarten through second grade years are crucial years for both learning to read and forming a healthy sense of confidence around learning; difficulty during this window should be addressed immediately.   Choppy reading aloud Like misshapen letters, reading aloud at an uneven pace is part of learning to read. If your child is reading to you and it does not sound smooth or harmonious, just listen and allow him to continue to work with the text. He is getting great practice with language, and your corrections may discourage him and cheat him out of chance to work out the text himself. However, if he is clearly frustrated, he may benefit from having an adult read the page first, then he can reread it. This activity can serve as a wonderful bridge to fluent reading.   It is also possible that the book is not at his reading level—children often select books that are just a tad beyond their present knowledge and ability of phonics and word structure. The rule of thumb when it comes to selecting a book that is not too easy, not too hard, but “just right” (Goldilocks-style!) is the “five finger rule.” If a child picks up a new book, opens to the first page and, while reading this page, encounters five words that really stump her (keep track on her fingers), the book is probably too tricky right now.  
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    • A pep talk for women going through infertility treatments, from a mom who's been there.
      If I could write a letter to a woman going through infertility, I would tell her all the things I learned along the way on my journey, all my best advice, and it would go something like this.
      Dear [Desperately Wanting To Be A] Mom Struggling With Infertility,
      As you read this you are probably in a deep dark place, wondering “why me?”. I am here to tell you: The sun will shine again. Your morning routine won’t always include a trip to the infertility clinic to get your blood drawn and ultrasound for monitoring. Your stomach bloat will deflate. Your butt won’t be bruised and lumpy forever from the shots. You will have your life back.
      And it will all be worth it.
      I want to tell you it sucks—it’s OK to have a personal pity party (but keep it short), then stand up, brush yourself off and keep going. You will become a pro at getting your blood drawn. The shots aren’t ideal, but the build-up in your head is way worse; just hold your breath and go! Living through infertility treatments is like riding a roller coaster—constant ups and downs of emotions—you are hopeful, yet also bracing for heartache. It’s OK to be selfish, it keeps you sane. It’s OK to skip a baby shower if the thought of going makes you think you will lose it.
      You will not care who has seen your private parts. Maybe pre-infertility, you only had women OBGYNs; post-infertility, you might have a male doctor get you pregnant and a male doctor deliver your baby in a room full of medical students, and you will survive both. I want you to know that you will overcome this and be stronger for going through it, personally and in your relationship.
      But make sure you communicate your feelings with your partner; you both are struggling, and you need to be open and honest about your needs, your wants and your limits. Remember, you may have a plan, a vision of how your path to motherhood may look, and remember that plan, vision, path, may change over time, and that’s OK! It will make you appreciate being pregnant or being a mom even more, but don’t put too much pressure on the experience or yourself to be “perfect.”
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    • Let's upend the myth that new moms and their childless friends must drift apart.
      Hi, remember me? Your friend who doesn’t have children? I’m still here. I still love you and want to be part of your life. But I can see that your life has undergone a huge change that I can only partially understand and relate to. If we were to follow societal norms, our friendship would fade over time as I keep inviting you to social events that you can’t attend, and your friendships would deepen with others who are at a similar stage of life.
      Here’s the truth: I want to support and help you in this next phase of life, but I don’t know how. I think I have had a pretty average experience for a woman growing up in American culture. I’ve seen babies before, I’ve even held several for short periods of time. I’ve pinched their cheeks and fought the urge to eat up those chubby thighs. I moved out of the house as soon as I graduated high school, went to start my independent life at university, entered the workforce and got my first real grown-up job working in an office. University and work had a lot of new things for me to experience, but neither of them had any babies. My experience with children is tragically limited. I blame it on a loss of communal spirit in our society.
      I don’t know at what point the myth emerged in our individualistic society that needing help makes you weak or that charity is only for those who are destitute. We have been receiving and giving help to each other our entire lives. So why do we have such a hard time asking for help? I’m terrible at it, truly terrible, but I have noticed, as you no doubt have, my quality of life has been significantly higher when I have made myself more open to receiving and giving help.
      So, please, let me help you. It may be hard at first; I won’t know what will be helpful to you, and you’ll have to explain it to me. You’ll have to articulate your needs and be vulnerable. I will be intimidated and feel out of my element as I watch you navigate motherhood with what feels like some kind of magical prowess that I do not possess.
      There will be times when I still won’t get what your new life means. And there will be times when I’ll see something you wish I hadn’t. But you will be helping me, too—and not just in the way we all grow when we help others and are helped by them. You will help me gain exposure to what it means to be a mother and a chance to develop those capacities.
      Fingers crossed, I will be a better mother for it when the time comes. And that’s got to be better for everyone, right?
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    • Meet a Chicago family that's dedicated to helping kids with congenital heart defects.
      Heather and Mike Shaffer, pictured above, found out early in their pregnancy that one of their twin boys, Tyler, had a congenital heart defect. They knew he would be faced with several open-heart surgeries, and his survival wasn't guaranteed. But what they didn't know was how Tyler's fight would change their lives.   The brave little boy in the photo above and below, showing off his last open-heart surgery scar, inspired them to help more kids like Tyler get the treatment they need—and to help fund research to prevent congenital heart defects like his. As co-chairs of the Red Tie Ball, the annual fundraising gala for the Children's Heart Foundation, Heather and Mike are creating better futures for kids and families in Chicago and beyond.   Read on for more of their story and how you can help.   What's your personal connection to this cause? My husband, Mike, and I got involved with The Children's Heart Foundation after the birth of our twin boys in February 2010. One of our boys, Tyler, was born with a severe congenital heart defect that required three open heart surgeries before his fourth birthday. Quite simply, if it weren't for advancements in congenital heart defect research, Tyler would not be alive today. Based on the care he's received and the exposure our family has had to amazing doctors and nurses, we wanted to give back and do what we could to advance the importance of funding research for congenital heart defect research. The Children's Heart Foundation is the only organization dedicated solely to funding congenital heart defect research.
        Why is this charity so important for Chicago kids?
      It's not widely known, but congenital heart defects are America's, and every country's, No. 1 birth defect, and the leading cause of infant deaths in the United States. The mission of The Children's Heart Foundation is to bring health, hope and happiness to children and families impacted by a CHD by funding research to advance the diagnosis, treatment and prevention of congenital heart defects. CHF was founded and is headquartered in the Chicagoland area and supports doctors and researchers at Lurie Children's Hospital of Chicago, Advocate Children's Hospital and many other institutions. CHF has funded more than $7.3 million in vital, life-saving CHD research since its inception. Chicago is home to some of the finest children's hospitals in the country, and we want it to continue to lead the way with groundbreaking pediatric heart care research.
        How has being involved in this charity affected you as a parent? Tyler will have limitations and require medical care for his entire life. By being involved with CHF, it allows us, as parents, to feel like we're a little more actively involved in his care. It takes years for advancements in medical technology, but we've got to start somewhere! It feels truly rewarding to know we are playing a part in funding research that one day could save Tyler's life, or the life of one of the thousands of other children affected with a CHD.   How can people get involved?    On December 5, the Illinois chapter is hosting the 2nd annual Red Tie Ball honoring leaders in Pediatric Heart Care at the University Club of Chicago. You can purchase tickets or donate by visiting the event page.  
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    • Does your child have a learning difficulty? Here are the signs to look for.
      How do you know if someone you love has a learning difficulty? What are some of the symptoms? As the center director at Lindamood-Bell Oak Park Learning Center, I hear these questions frequently, and the following cases and their symptoms may sound familiar to you.
      Luke, Michael and Sarah were students I worked with because of their difficulty with reading. While Luke was reading, he would often skip over words, or sound out the same word multiple times in a paragraph. He could not get a passing grade on sight word or spelling tests.   Michael had difficulty sounding words out. He would read skip as “sip” and stream as “steam." He also guessed at words based on contextual clues in the story (substitute "home" for "house").   When I first met Sarah, she could read words accurately, but she could not comprehend the content. She had trouble expressing her thoughts, she had difficulty connecting to language, and words seemed to go in one ear and out the other.   Upon testing them, I found that Luke had weak Symbol Imagery—the cognitive process that enables us to visually code letters within words. It is the primary cause of difficulties with reading. Like Luke, these individuals often spell words with phonetic accuracy, however they cannot remember the visual patterns of words. Michael had weak Phonemic Awareness—the process that enables us to auditorily perceive the sounds within words. He would omit, substitute or reverse sounds and letters. He could not judge whether what he said matched the words he saw on the paper.
      Sarah had weak Concept Imagery—the cognitive process that enables us to comprehend language. This weakness results in someone processing “parts” of language versus the whole. It is the equivalent of watching a DVD and cutting entire scenes out of the movie. As a result, it was hard for Sarah to understand directions, remember stories she had just read, analyze plots or make inferences, and express herself orally or in writing. She had been labeled a “motivation” or “attention” problem.   The right evaluation is the first step in addressing an individual’s learning difficulty. Once academic and literacy testing has identified strengths and weaknesses, the results should be clearly explained. Next, the proper instruction should be sought out. Your doctor or educational specialist is a good place to start. They can guide you toward a remediation program, one that helps a person reach their potential by addressing the underlying causes of the learning needs, or an enrichment program, one that increases the amount of information that is learned instead of taking a step back to focus on the underlying causes. Finally, you should look for the right learning environment. It should be structured so that an individual is engaged and motivated, regular progress updates should be given, and parents should be given tools so that they can help their child at home.   If you feel that something is not “right,” trust your instincts. Seek out a professional who is knowledgeable about the underlying causes and solutions of learning difficulties.
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    • One dad's rough ride on the road to finding the right treatment for his son.
      Have you ever been at a playground, a classroom or a family event where there's that "one kid" who's a little overaggressive, pushing other kids, knocking down another child's projects or looks like they’re in 6th gear? And, like me, have you judged this behavior, saying to yourself, “That kid needs more discipline," or "What horrible parents. I'd knock some sense into that kid if he was mine." We’re all a little guilty of these thoughts.
      Well, my son used to be one of these children. And, yes, I've seen the judgment and condemnation in the eyes of other parents as my son engaged in said behavior. As a father, I felt humiliated, embarrassed and not in control of the situation. I kept thinking to myself, “Where did we go wrong?”   Let’s be clear, I love my son more than myself, as does his mother. And by the age of two, we started to understand that our skills as parents raising other children did not work so well with him. He was not talking, he chose to run everywhere instead of walking and had more energy emanating from his body than a cadre of sugar-fed fifth graders. Our house had become the Land of Broken & Destroyed Toys. Even our then babysitter, a late fifty-something mother of four, was so exhausted by the end of the day that she could only sit as he bounced around the house like a pinball.   We thought placing him in a well-known preschool would benefit him, give him structure and a social outlet. Well, that didn't turn out well. Within three months, his teachers spent more time with our son than with any of his other classmates. He ran, knocked over other students' projects but, most important, he couldn’t work independently. So, sadly, they recommended our son be removed from the class and referred us to a local organization that could possibly help and find a better place for him.   I was heartbroken, humiliated and angry. Why angry? We were spending five figures in tuition for him, so you'd think they'd invest some of that money on additional support for students like our son (as a side note, I've now met four other parents who've been asked to leave for similar reasons). Anger was prevalent in the beginning stages of this new challenge.   It was dark time for me as a father: I was coming to terms with my son’s condition, wrestling with blaming our bloodlines or a possible prenatal or infant injury that encouraged me to stay in a state of denial. But something happened on the way—something that I didn't expect. And let's be clear, folks, us fathers can be an exceptionally stubborn, non-empathetic and clueless bunch of fools. We can be told something over and over again and it won't stick. And in this context I'm guilty.   So what happened? I guess I can say that after 360 half-days at a therapeutic clinic, 52 social-group appointments, 96 occupational-therapist sessions and 120 speech-therapist visits, that, yes, there is hope and that, yes, there are trained, compassionate, caring and selfless professionals out there. There are people who will sit with you and your child, day after day to help them communicate, regulate, socialize and become more self-aware.   During this two-year transition, I realized that my son had been living in his own darkness, trapped in the only reality he knew, where extreme physical activity was the only way he knew how to process his thoughts and communicate non-verbally to the rest of the world. As these amazing therapists watched, listened and taught my son, I learned there was a sensitive, shy and beautiful young boy trying to come out—and he did. He’s a hilarious, funny, sneaky and mischievous 4-year-old boy who has a normal, strong self-interest in learning, playing and eating as many gummy worms as possible.    Okay, so what's my point? Was it that I've come to grips with my son's challenges and will be growing and learning with him? Kind of, but that's a good one.   My point is that I love my children more today and will love them more tomorrow and the next day after that. I am no different than any father or parent that I've met (or have yet to meet). If you go through the denial, anger, negotiation then acceptance, know that it’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up.   Instead, join a social group, commit to attending a session once a month with your child or even volunteer to help. I joined LEEP Beyond, a non-profit that provides educational programming for children like my own. It’s been rewarding to meet not only other children like mine, but their amazing, loving parents. 
       
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    • The first kid-focused Chicago charity pays parking fees for NICU parents.
      In the first of our new monthly series that shines a light on local charities that support Chicago children, we feature Jackson Chance Foundation co-founder Carrie Meghie (above, with her son Max). JCF aims to help parents whose baby is in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) by paying their transportation costs, including hospitals' pricey daily parking fees, so nothing stands in the way of spending time with their little one.
      What's your personal connection to this cause?
      My husband, Terry, and I founded the Jackson Chance Foundation in honor of our son Jackson, who passed away at 10 months in 2012. Because of a chronic lung condition, Jackson spent all but 48 hours of his life in the NICU. He passed away in my arms while holding his father's hand on September 7, 2012—just shy of 10 months old. After Jackson’s death, Terry and I asked ourselves what we could do to help other families with children in the NICU. The answer was immediate: ease the burden of the astounding parking fees that are preventing too many families from visiting their children.
      Like all parents of critically ill children, we were told by Jackson’s doctors that visiting our child every day was just as important to his health and recovery as the medical care he received. My husband and I were blessed to have the resources and support to spend each and every day with Jackson. We were able to find so much joy in the NICU and create an environment where the hospital became an extended family to us and Jackson. We wholeheartedly believe that the time we spent with Jackson contributed to his happiness and well-being during his short life.
      Why is this charity so important for Chicago kids?
      Imagine if your newborn baby was sick in the hospital for months, and every time you wanted to see your child you had to pay $15-$25 per visit. When Jackson spent his entire life in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU), we realized this was a burden seen by many families with critically ill children who could not afford the high cost of parking and transportation. Can you imagine having to decide whether to pay your mortgage or to visit your critically ill child? We founded the Jackson Chance Foundation so that no family would have to make such a heart-wrenching decision. 

      Our mission at Jackson Chance Foundation is to enrich the lives of families with babies in the NICU by allowing them to spend more time with their critically ill baby. JCF created the NICU Transportation Program to partner with hospitals and alleviate the transportation expenses of all families each and every day their child in in the NICU. Prior to the NICU Transportation Program, monthly or daily parking passes did not exist, and families did not have access to in-and-out privileges. The programs are fully funded by JCF and currently benefit the Ann & Robert H. Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago with the hope of expanding to more hospitals.
      Because of the Jackson Chance Foundation, no family pays for parking or transportation at Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago while their baby is in the NICU!
      How has being involved in this charity affected you as a parent?
      Founding and running JCF is my way of continuing to be Jackson’s mommy. I am taking care of his legacy as I would have taken care of him. He is with me each and every day and it’s a consistent reminder to cherish each moment. I have patience that I didn’t know was in me. I have learned not to “waste” my worries on the little things or something I cannot control. I have an appreciation for the everyday and simple things that I long for with my first born. All of this makes me a much better mother, to both my boys.
      How can people get involved?
      Our 3rd Annual Ping Pong Ball is October 29 at Hard Rock Hotel Chicago. You can support by attending, sponsoring and/or donating to our auction. Go to Jacksonchance.org to find out more.
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    • An asthma expert at Comer Children's Hospital answers parents' most common questions.
      If your child has asthma, or you suspect he or she might, you likely have a lot of questions about care and prevention. Dr. B. Louise Giles, an asthma expert at the University of Chicago Medicine Comer Children's Hospital, answers the most common parent questions.    Is my child at risk for developing asthma?  Your child is at greater risk if your family has a history of asthma and/or allergies, and if he or she was exposed to tobacco smoke before or after birth. Asthma is also overrepresented in Black and Hispanic populations.    If I suspect my child suffers from asthma, what can I do? You can make an appointment at the clinic at Comer Children’s where we will conduct a thorough physical exam, take your child’s medical history and do age-appropriate testing, such as a lung X-ray, breathing and allergy tests.    What happens next? Next, we will create an asthma action plan, which may include medications and devices to help reduce inflammation and relax muscle cells in the airway. It is important that your child takes all medication as prescribed, even if he/she is feeling well.   What are the symptoms of childhood asthma?
      Symptoms include wheezing sounds while breathing, difficulty catching a breath, and a cough that’s unusual or comes at specific times such as nighttime or during exercise.    What can trigger an asthma attack?  Triggers include viral infections such as the flu, exposure to allergens such as pets, cold weather and bad air quality. For children suffering from an acute asthma attack, Comer Children’s offers state-of-the-art emergency and inpatient care.    When should we go to the emergency room?  Go to the emergency room if you’re worried about your child’s breathing. Warning signs may include off-color skin tone, a cough that prevents eating or drinking, and the need to take medications more often than prescribed.    Are there lifestyle changes we should make if our child is diagnosed with asthma?  Remove carpets, stuffed animals or anything that harbors allergens, and vacuum floors frequently. If your child is allergic to the family dog or cat, find another home for the pet or bathe it more often. If anyone smokes, quit.   If you have a child with asthma or your child has problems with their breathing, call UCM Connect at 888-824-0200 for an appointment. Visit uchicagokidshospital.org/asthma to learn more.  
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    • A veteran babysitter has honest answers to things parents often wonder about.
      Chicago-based artist and teacher Angela Oliver has over seven years of experience babysitting kids. Since joining UrbanSitter, an online babysitter-finding service, she’s sat for more than 35 families and has over 20 glowing reviews. Here, Angela answers the most common questions parents have when it comes to hiring a babysitter.
      What’s the most helpful information a parent can share in advance?
      First-aid and medical/emergency info and contacts, being made aware of any food allergies or ongoing healthcare needs are the most important bits of information. For infants, an overview of the baby’s daily routine is always helpful to know in advance—naptime routine and self-soothing, feedings, or special instructions for diapering.
      What do you usually eat on the job? When parents say “help yourself,” do you really help yourself?
      I usually make or order a sandwich—I like to keep meals simple whenever I babysit so I can be more readily available to respond to the child if they need me. I think “help yourself” means help yourself, but not to everything!
      How much do you charge per hour for overnights?
      I’ve yet to work an overnight shift, but typical overnight Chicago flat rates run from $75 to $100 from 10pm to 6am.
      What do you do when the kids are asleep? 
      I tidy up the house and prep for the child’s next meal if needed. If the child is still down for a nap or sleeping for the night, I may watch a movie if it’s been okayed by the child’s parents, or read and catch up on lesson planning.
      Do most parents tip you on top of your babysitting fees?
      Sometimes, but not often. I’m OK with that, though.
      Do most parents offer you transportation home?
      Most parents will offer me an Uber ride home whenever the job ends after 10pm.
      If you could share any piece of advice to parents, what would it be?
      Make sure sitters that are new to your family know how to unfold your stroller, strap up your baby carrier, adjust your high-chair, and properly use any other child safety product or feature in your home. For instance, that magnetic child-proof lock that keeps your cleaning supplies out of your toddler’s reach—your sitter might need to help tidy up after the kids later. Doing a quick how-to demo before you leave might save you a lot of back-and-forth texting with your new sitter later.
      You can find Angela—and more great babysitters like her—by signing up for a free account at UrbanSitter. Get a free month of unlimited sitter access and find sitters over 500 NPN families use and like at: https://www.urbansitter.com/promo/npn.
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    • This dad found a way to make his daughter more open-minded about eating new foods.
      We tried a million ways to get our daughter, Soleil, to try new foods, eat what was in front of her, and stop saying she didn’t like something before ever having tried it. And then we came upon this way of planning, preparing and eating meals that not only eliminates those problems, but actually gets her excited about dinner.
      There are a lot of steps to getting a meal on the table, from deciding what to eat, making shopping lists, going to the supermarket, making the meal, setting the table, eating it and cleaning up. Here are some tips to get everyone involved and excited about meals:
      Decide what to eat
      When you wake up on Saturday morning, get the kids involved with what you’re going to have for dinner. Ask them what they want, making sure to include all of the food groups.
      Make the shopping list
      Have the kids make the list. If they’ve started to write, have them write the list on paper. They’ll get to practice their penmanship and spelling. If they want to do it on the phone, that’s cool, too.
      Go to the supermarket
      Have the kids hold the list and show the parents where to go and what to get. They’ll be less bored, it’ll feel more like a scavenger hunt than a task and it’ll be more fun for everyone.
      Make the meal
      Have everyone involved in every step, as much as possible. Obviously, there are activities that little kids shouldn’t undertake, but let them try stuff out and get comfortable with being in the kitchen.
      Set the table
      Use the cloth napkins that you’re saving and never use. Get a little dressed up. Use the fancy plates or think of how to serve the food in a nice way. Make the meal feel more important than just shoving food in your mouths.
      Eat the meal
      We serve the meal in courses, like at a restaurant. First an appetizer, then vegetable, main course and dessert. If kids have four things on their plate, they’re going to choose what they like best to eat first and the broccoli gets left behind. If you front load the broccoli at the beginning and it’s the only thing in front of them, they’re more likely to eat it.
      This is not a method to get healthy meals on the table quickly. In fact, it’s the opposite. It’s a way to elevate the importance of the meal and get everyone to feel ownership in it. When you give kids ownership over what they're going to eat, they'll eat anything. Adults, too.
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    • Tips to help your child emotionally prepare for the start of the school year.
      Back-to-school is an exciting, emotional, often hectic time for families. The unending texts about teacher assignments and after-school schedules make this time of year one filled with great anticipation. As we ready our kids for class with new backpacks, new shoes and new pencils, we need to help them emotionally prepare for the year ahead.
      Combat fear of the unknown
      Help your child visualize and practice her first day of school, including how she will get there, who she will see—even what the classroom looks like. Fear of the unknown can fuel anxiety so help keep those concerns at bay by taking part in back-to-school activities like a practice bus ride or “meet the teachers” event. Talk to older kids who are familiar with your child’s soon-to-be teacher to learn about their experiences and what to expect.
      Get to know the teacher
      Regular parent-teacher communication is key to a child’s success, but sometimes it’s hard to know when and how to strike the right balance. It’s ok to ask your child’s teacher his or her feelings about a reasonable amount of communication. Does she prefer email or phone calls, and when does she want to hear from you or the student? Ask the teacher about her take on homework and if parent assistance is appropriate. We might be tempted to help but if the assignment is a review of classroom work, it’s important to resist the temptation so the teacher can have an accurate assessment of your child's progress.
      Make good homework habits
      And while we’re on the subject of homework (cue the moaning!), set up good habits from day one. Involve your children in the process of setting up and stocking their homework stations with supplies. Homework should be done in your line of vision, especially if she’s using the Internet to study, but not in the busiest spot of the house (e.g., the kitchen table). Set up a schedule that works well for your family. After getting home from school, take a 15-minute snack break and then begin homework with the easiest assignment first, then the hardest, then everything else. Be ready to be hands-on—even bossy—during the first few weeks to set good habits early.
      Get help early on
      If you or the teacher notice your child struggling, it’s vital to address it early on. The process of setting up an intervention is emotional and can take months to create and implement. Regardless of your child’s grade level it is important—and within your parental rights—to determine a timeline for help, intervention and evaluation, and then hold the school to it. If pre- and post-testing will be done for evaluation, know when the testing will take place, when data will be available and at what point new learning strategies are implemented. You don’t want to lose precious time—or see your child’s confidence drop—because of issues that are not addressed.
      Preparation, practice and communication are key on the first day and all days of the school year. Together we can make it great!  
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    • If all parents could just agree we have no idea what we're doing, there would be no reason to judge each other.
      My child was formula-fed. My child was sleep-trained. My child eats food that is not organic. The old me would give you a 20-minute explanation of how each of these things happened (although never originally part of my plan). The new me recognizes that you probably don’t give a sh*t.
      There’s been a lot of talk lately about the so-called “mommy wars.” After three-and-a-half years of motherhood and reading the endless stream of social media posts on the subject, I think I have found the root of the mommy wars. We’re so obsessed with being the best parents we can be, we question everything. We question ourselves. We even question what seems right. But we surely don’t care what you’re doing with your children unless it directly affects ours.
      [Related: Breastfeeding inequality: It's time to end the mommy wars]
      Some days are better than others. Some days you can chalk it up as a win and realize that you’d made it through the day without any major tantrums or guilt that you’ve impeded the development of your child, somehow. But most of the time, we’re desperately seeking validation because secretly we know we’re winging it.
      Virtually every aspect of our parenting is an exercise in uncontrolled experimentation. Is this restriction on screen time working? No idea. Are these five stories a day at bedtime soaking in? Beats me. Is the extra income provided by my job worth the trade-off of less time with him? Good question. Will any of this organic food make him any healthier as an adult? Ask me in 20 years…and I still won’t know. That’s the thing about raising a child—you don’t get to rewind or perform a do-over, so you never know where the path not taken leads. So we’re left to going with our gut and hoping for the best.
      And we’re terrified that everyone will see right through that, and call us out on it. Thus, we hunt for validating studies or Huffington Post op-eds that conform with our impromptu parenting choices. But as the saying goes, opinions are like rear ends (everybody has one) and you can find a study that says anything. So, inevitably, conflicting opinion or evidence will pop up on your Facebook page.
      [Related: I met my mommy match on a blind date]
      “Here it is!,” you think. “They’ve finally figured out that I’m a fraud!” No doubt, social services has already been alerted to your unfit mothering. But rather than come clean, you double down. These are not simply conflicting opinions, they are personal attacks. These are Mean People who dare to undermine you, Mother.
      Congratulations, you’ve enlisted in the mommy wars.
      Except, there is no war. There are no attacks. There are simply millions of mothers with millions of opinions, all of them with only slightly more than no idea what they’re doing.
      I’ve been guilty of it. I’ve posted the Formula Child Turns Out OK, Studies Show Working Moms Have Awesome Kids, and This Much Screen Time Is Fine stories. So, I’m sorry.
      But as of today, I’m officially a deserter in the mommy wars. Frankly, there’s no such thing—it’s a creation of our own to distract ourselves from our own insecurities. I’ll probably never get over that insecurity, but I’ll try. In the words of David Foster Wallace, “You will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do.”
      Well, except for the anti-vaxxers. You people are insane. 
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    • Ways parents can negatively affect their children’s self-esteem, making them more likely to become a victim of bullying and to make poor life choices.
      As parents, we do everything we can to nurture our children’s physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual needs. Yet, despite our best efforts to raise our kids to be resilient and have a strong sense of self, we see more and more children the victims of bullying.
      When a child has healthy self-esteem, she is less likely to be the victim of bullying and more likely to make healthy choices that lead to a fulfilling life.
      In my work with parents, I have found three common ways we sabotage our children’s self-esteem without realizing it, making them more likely to become a victim of bullying at some point during their school years and make poor life choices.
      1. Not recognizing how our past experiences and beliefs impact our kids.
      Often our children’s challenges reflect an unresolved challenge in us. I was working with a parent whose 12-year-old daughter was being bullied by other girls in her class.
      The first question I asked the mother was how she got along with girls in school. Her knee-jerk reaction was that she had no problem with other girls, but upon reflection, she realized that she did not have many friends and held a belief that girls were mean. 
      Once she uncovered this belief, we talked about how this does not need to be true for her daughter. Within a few weeks, her daughter began feeling more empowered and befriended the main bully!
      Reflect on what beliefs you may hold that could impact your child’s self-esteem, and see how that belief doesn’t need to be true for your child.
      2. Praising in a way that has our kids chasing praise and giving up rather than rising to challenges.
      Many parents give praise by saying things like “You did a great job cleaning your room,” and we think we are doing right by our kids. However, praising by evaluating your child’s result is actually damaging in the long run.
      When you evaluate and judge something your child has done, you take away your child’s ability to evaluate himself. Because self-esteem is something that he cultivates on the inside, it is important to praise in a way that has him evaluating himself as doing something good, rather than hearing it from the outside, which leads to chasing praise and feeling manipulated.
      Try describing and appreciating your child’s efforts by saying “You picked up everything in your room and made your bed….thanks for your help!” Praising in this way allows him to evaluate his work and tell himself something empowering like “I am a helpful person.”
      3. Not giving our kids the space to solve their own problems.
      It’s hard not to jump in and solve every problem your child encounters, however you do them a disservice when you do. A great question to ask your child when facing a problem is “What do you think you should do to solve this problem?” I guarantee you will be astounded by the wisdom in the answer you hear!
      Allowing your child to think through the problem and come up with options will help her feel empowered and confident as she deals with challenges, and will set her up for good problem solving skills as she grows.
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    • Getting your kids involved in choosing the babysitter and the schedule and letting them meet the sitter in advance may help ease apprehension.
      Congrats! You’ve hired a new babysitter. You feel like you’ve won the lottery, and you’re already dreaming of future date nights. You’re nervous about walking out the door that first time and leaving the sitter in charge, but you know she’s bright, fun, and more than capable.
      Your kids might not be so sure, though. If you’re anything like me, it can be easy to focus on emergency numbers and pantry items and forget to take time to get the kiddos settled with the new face in the house. My preschool-aged son usually loves to welcome new “friends” to our home, but my 9-month-old daughter is a tougher sell.
      I think it’s important to ease deliberately into a relationship with a new babysitter or nanny. Here are some tips that I’ve found make the transition as smooth as possible:
      Make introductions before the job
      
I schedule time for my sitter and children to meet before the job, as part of a working interview. This provides more intimate getting-to-know-each-other time in my home with me close at hand. It’s also an excellent way to acclimate the sitter to my home, pets (in my case, goldfish and caterpillars) and parenting style.
      Give kids plenty of notice 

      It’s not fair to spring a new babysitter on a child, nor to the sitter, who may be left with a sobbing, distraught little one. I let my son know when a new caregiver will be coming by marking it on a visible family calendar on the fridge and casually reminding him that a new friend is coming. I also schedule the sitter to arrive with plenty of time for acclimation before I actually need to leave the house.  
      Get the kids involved 

      Kids love to be involved in decision-making. Before hiring a new sitter, we talk about the qualities of a great babysitter—“nice,” “pretty hair” and “fun with cars” is the job description in my house. My 3.5-year-old son also loves watching sitter videos on UrbanSitter and I try to let him pick which famous sitter will ring the doorbell next.
      Put the kids in charge
      I find that if I put my child in charge of helping and teaching the sitter everything she needs to know when she arrives, he’s so busy making her feel at home that he may not notice his own apprehension.
      Have an itinerary
      
To help my kids (and the sitter) feel in the know, I make a list of the day’s activities: lunch, coloring/crafts, walk to the park, stop for ice cream, and finally “Mommy/Daddy comes home.” Having something written down (preferably in my own handwriting) can create a sense of calm for an unsure child.
      Bend the rules
      
I always give a sitter a little leeway to break the house rules. This sets her up to be the fun one who lets the kids get away with things I normally don’t, and creates an association between having a babysitter and getting some special perks! Dessert after lunch? A little playtime after dinner? Extra books at bedtime? Chances are, the sitter will love you for it, too. Just make sure she knows the real house rules!
      Remember, when a new caregiver is hired, everyone might be a little apprehensive. Do what you can to ease the transition by starting the process before the job begins. Hopefully, that babysitter will become an indispensable part of your lives and, with any luck, your kiddo will be begging you to go out!   
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    • How summer activities can strengthen your child's development.
      As warm weather approaches, the great outdoors seems to beckon children and parents alike. Slides, swings, and climbing structures welcome summer play with open arms, and parents enjoy watching their children release energy freely.
      While playground equipment is engaging for a time, it can quickly become dull when used in the same manner everyday. Below are some ways to make outside time more enjoyable and allow parents to be active participants in the excitement of summer while strengthening their child’s development.
      Gross motor
      Dance barefoot on plastic mats covered in shampoo- keep your balance! Set up items from around the house to create an outdoor obstacle course. Write many gross motor activities on cards and put them in a bucket. Try to get through all of the cards as quickly as possible. Examples: Gallop to the tree and jump 10 times. Hop up the hill and roll down. Social studies
      Walk around your neighborhood and write down interesting places you see. When you get home, make a neighborhood map including the places you noted. Make a list of different sounds in your community and try to find them as you walk around. Ex: bus horn, goose honk, bicycle bell. Math/science
      Count change at home and write down your total amount. Head to the farmer’s market and discover all you can do with that money! Purchase a snack, purchase berries and make squish art on white paper, tip the musician. Mud day! Wear bathing suits and have tubs of mud for children to explore. Add baking and measuring supplies, plastic animals, and toy vehicles and let imaginations fly. Ask thought provoking questions such as, “How do we make mud?” and “Why do you think this mud is thicker than that mud?” Explore with bubbles and then try to make your own solution. What makes up bubble solution? What is important to add? Have many liquid materials for your child to experiment with- let them make silly, smelly, and strange concoctions. Did any of them work? Why or why not? Art
      Hang a white bed sheet between trees. Fill spray bottles with watercolors and blast away at the sheet! “Paint” trees and sidewalks with paintbrushes and water. To make it more colorful, draw with chalk and then paint over the design. Tape paper down a slide. Dip toy cars in paint and race them down the slide. If the slide is unavailable, this can be done on a flat surface. Literacy
      Search the city for alphabet letter representations (a gate shaped like a T or tree branches shaped like a Y). Take a photo of the letters you find and try to make an entire alphabet book! Tape alphabet letters to a Twister mat and call out alphabet letters or sounds instead of colors. Story Stones--draw pictures of nature onto stones (or cut and tape from magazines). Arrange them in different sequences to create multiple summer stories.
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    • Fresh, fun activities to burn excess energy and get away from the television.
      Chicago’s winter months can be long and exhausting. The lack of sunlight, bitter cold and the feeling of being cooped up indoors can be challenging for any family–especially for ones dealing with spirited children.
      Coming up with fresh, fun activities to burn excess energy and get away from the television may seem like a chore, so here are some ideas to help:
      [Related: Make winter in Chicago your favorite season with these outdoor activities]
      1. Indoor play spaces
      Indoor play areas can be great opportunities to allow your child to socialize with other kids and maybe even give you a bit of a break (or some adult conversation). Kids can run around, jump and just have fun, giving them a chance to spend some time keeping healthy and burning energy.
      2. Sledding
      If the snow is right, Chicago-area parks have some great sledding hills. It will provide your family a chance to play in the snow and catch some downhill speed.
      3. Museums
      Chicago is known for its incredible museums. From small niche-based museums to the larger, world-class locales, there is something for children at all of them. If you have fun and think you’ll go often, many museums allow you to purchase a membership after your visit and reimburse that day's admittance (and also grant you FREE parking)!
      4. Swimming
      Check you and your child into an indoor pool. Swimming is often so linked to summer that a dip in the pool is a great way to forget the cold. Chicago Park Districts and many gyms have pools that you can access during the winter months.
      5. Shopping malls and movies
      Your child may hate shopping, but she probably doesn't hate the play areas at malls. Most Chicago malls have fun activities for kids, from carousels to basic play spaces. Many are also located near movie theaters for a family-friendly film as a special treat.
      Some days the cold and snow just won’t let you leave, so here are suggestions to do at home:
      6. Indoor Olympics
      Set up some friendly competition during a play date with safe, easy challenges. Increase the fun and spirit with special awards or medals for winning. You can even integrate some activities where parents compete with the children.
      [Related: How to keep your kids active inside]
      7. Blanket fort building
      Children 2–14 love blanket fort building. While you can purchase a building set, you can still setup chairs between walls, sofas or other obstacles to build your fort. Don’t forget the tasty snacks and flashlights!
      8. Obstacle course
      Children love a challenge. Set up an obstacle course around your house and see if your children can complete the task. Allow your child to add new challenges or setup a time trial. This can be especially beneficial for children in OT.
      9. Board games
      Not all board games are equal. Everyone has their favorite and their own set of rules. Add a few fun twists to your normal game for more interesting outcomes or opportunities. You can even add some physical challenges to your board game to make it more interactive.
      10. Snowball fight
      This may sound messy, but make it indoor-friendly with loofas and music—freeze when the music stops and resume when it continues. Count your hits or just have fun. Add some strategy to it with a capture the flag between blanket forts or pillow shields.
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    • Putting your child first while divorcing your partner is key to their mental health, especially if they have behavioral challenges.
      One of the most insightful things I learned in university about divorce was that it is not dangerous or damaging to a child, but how we interact in front of a child makes the difference. As a child of divorce, I couldn’t agree more.
      Divorce is a complicated time for families. This is particularly true for families of children with behavioral challenges. While you may be hurt or angry it is always important to remember that you still have one thing in common: you love and want the best for your child.
      Successfully navigating your family through divorce takes a concerted effort on the part of both parents. While the cause of divorce varies, the ultimate goal should be to protect your child. When children are involved, your relationship with your ex will never end and remembering that throughout your formal divorce and after should help you keep a positive focus on your shared goals. These goals should include:
      Stabilize and protect both parents relationship with the child Support the child’s social and emotional development Avoid using the child as a divorce chess piece Speak positively about your co-parent in front of your child Continue to have positive, open dialogue with your ex about your child [Related: Getting Through Divorce with your Finances Intact (members-only video)]
      During a divorce, a common aspect that is lost between couples is trust, and the lack of trust can wreak havoc on future parenting decisions. As a couple, you should figure out how to rebuild trust to develop a positive, working relationship with your co-parent. Some opportunities include:
      Regular phone calls
      Establish weekly or bi-weekly discussions with your ex to discuss what happened over the week with your child and what is coming up. Consistent parenting begins with shared goals and opportunities. Consider taking these calls when your child isn’t around so disagreements can be worked through in private. It also offers an opportunity to explain your parenting decisions and provide appropriate background to your ex.
      Speak directly
      Speak directly with your ex about your concerns or frustrations. That is to say, avoid using your child as a spy. They are not here to feed information between you and your ex—they are here to develop into independent, productive adults. Asking your children for personal information about your ex places your children in awkward and uncomfortable situations that are unfair to all parties.
      Restricted topics
      If you and your ex have particular hot-button issues, agree to not bring them up during your regular phone calls or when you are both around your child. Children can sense frustration from their parents but may not know why it exists, causing them to blame themselves or internalize their emotions.
      Irregular visits
      Yes, the courts may have delegated visitation time between two parents, but major life events do not only happen during those determined time periods. Be supportive of your ex participating in the child’s activities outside of delegated visitation. It would mean a lot to your child for both parents to see them off at their first day of school, championship game or preschool graduation. Be open to sharing these times with your ex because it will mean even more to your child.
      Recognize the positive
      Your young child probably doesn’t understand your divorce, so don’t make it more difficult. Recognize the positive in your ex. What good do they bring to your child’s life? What can they give your child during these formative years that you may not? When you recognize the positives and appreciate them, it is easier for your child to relax and accept this new arrangement.
      [Related: Scheduling summertime fun with kids after divorce]
      Avoid blame
      Divorce is hard, and having a negative relationship with your ex makes it even harder for your child. You should avoid blaming your ex for life circumstances or your child’s challenges. If your child is having behavioral challenges, it is even more imperative to have positive dialogue between parents. Your child will need both of you to be open, consistent and positive as they get older. Blaming your ex will not solve any problems but will very likely exacerbate them.
      Admit mistakes
      As parents, mistakes happen. Denying or deflecting them only damages your relationship with your ex and hurts your child. Admit any mistakes and work through them with your ex to learn and grow together.
      This may seem pie-in-the-sky impractical, but it is your responsibility as a parent to make it happen. Your disagreements with your ex are your own and it is up to us, as adults, to rise above our differences and ensure a positive and supportive childhood for our children.
       
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