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    • Take your kids on exciting field trips this summer by exploring Chicago neighborhoods.
      We all get stuck in it: the “neighborhood rut.” We know our parks, our coffee shops, our favorite routes. Months can go by, even years, and we realize we haven’t left our zip code—short of the odd errand to Costco or inconveniently located birthday party.
      Then one day we realize that we live in a city with 77 neighborhoods, and we’ve barely been to a quarter of them. I was exactly the same way until I researched and wrote my first children’s book last summer about Chicago’s neighborhoods. It turns out, it’s a good idea to actually visit them if you’re going to write about them!
      For six months, my two children and I explored nine of Chicago’s neighborhoods: Lincoln Park, Rogers Park, Portage Park, Pilsen, Chinatown, Beverly, Pullman, Hyde Park and Bronzeville. I should mention we don’t live in any of these neighborhoods. We don’t even live close to some of these neighborhoods. The experience left us with a deeper love of neighborhoods near and far, and a better understanding of what makes Chicago so great.
      Why explore new neighborhoods?
      You’ll find hidden gems you never knew existed. Your brand new favorite pizza place might be tucked away in a different neighborhood just waiting for you to find it—I’m looking at you, Pequod’s. A new neighborhood can feel like a totally different country, but a CTA pass is way cheaper than a plane ticket AND you don’t need a passport. If your children misbehave in another neighborhood, no one will even know you to judge the meltdown. Over the next few months, I’ll be featuring a different neighborhood and the treasures we found there on this blog. To get you started, though, I’ll offer my No. 1 tip for new neighborhood exploration: Pick three things to do.
      It’s tempting to try to do ALL THE THINGS when you visit a new place, but I recommend that you do three things: one indoor, one outdoor, one that involves food.
      For example, for a day in Pilsen with kids I recommend:
       Visit the National Museum of Mexican Art. Play at Harrison Park’s newly revamped playground. Eat a paleta: Mexican-style popsicle with delicious chunks of real fruit (or bubble gum, if you’re into that sort of thing). Doing three things gives you a taste of the neighborhood without burning out—or blowing through naptime. You can always go back another day to do three more things!
      I hope you’ll have fun visiting neighborhoods this summer and playing tourist in your own town!
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    • This Chicago mom gave herself one year after the birth of her second child to lose 100% of her baby weight. Here's how she did it.
      Photo: courtesy Charlotte Tsou
       
      Having a child is just like having an open heart surgery, once your chest is cut open, you are never the same.
      Becoming a mother greatly changed my mentality and priorities in life, but it also altered my physical well-being. I am not talking about squeezing into that old, small bikini, which is highly desirable, but building back my physical strength and stamina. I came to realize that I needed them desperately to stay healthy and take care of my kids.
      After the postpartum recovery, the faster you can regain your physical strength the better. However, it may not be realistic for many mothers, because this tiny human being relies on you to be nurtured and loved, so setting up a goal and a doable timeline was the first important step for me.
      After the birth of my first daughter, I was determined to fit back into that beautiful bridal dress, which I bought before I found out I was pregnant, and to look beautiful for my “dream wedding.” Therefore, my clearly defined goal and the major incentives to feel and look great helped me to drop 50 pounds in just four months. Not fun, but I did it.
      It was a totally different story after my second baby. I did not have a specific goal to chase, but I did want to get back to my healthy weight in order to feel better about myself. The reality is, I did not want to perpetually chase these last 8 pounds until my kids are in high school...or to fit in those skinny jeans in just four weeks like those YouTubers or Hollywood stars. I was realistic; I gave myself one year. I made up my mind that by the time we celebrate the first birthday of my second daughter, it would be the time to return to 100% me. And I did it. 
      Being a working mom is not easy in my humble opinion, but it enables you to optimize your working hours and to squeeze in time to "invest in yourself." On the other hand, a stay-at-home mom who is always busy with the kids also struggles to find “me” time. There are different obstacles for each individual and it takes different paths and time to "get back to oneself."
      Taking a holistic approach at my current physical and mental state, I started with a goal of "80%", meaning lose 80% of the baby weight and return to 80% of my physical strength by month 4 when I went back to work from my maternity leave. I did it and I blogged about it, so I felt accountable to myself. However, my body condition fluctuated throughout the following months, attributed to work stress, two toddlers, our nanny situation and a husband constantly traveling. Here some of the tools and solutions I adopted that I found useful:
      “Beachbody on Demand” is the best workout for a stay-at-home mom or when you can't step outside of your home. There are different styles of workout to fit individual needs. Some fitness celebrities I found annoying, but PiYo is a great start when I was ready to exercise again. It is a very balanced workout with not too much jumping and insane cardio, but you get results. I started to "tuck" things back to my pre-pregnancy shape.
      Fortunately, I live in Chicago, and the area has countless boutique workout studios. I also enjoy the vibe of working out in a group with an experienced instructor. At the end of the session, I feel fresh and energized, as if I planted a new tree, taking all the oxygen I need to pump through the rest of the days and weeks.
      Not many people are aware, but Studio 3 has a postpartum promotion with a deep discount for unlimited access to this new and posh studio that offers yoga, cycling and circuit training. I found time to take care of my kids and work out there during my maternity leave. After that, my ongoing solution is the combination of on-demand workout and Class Pass. I logged in around 120 visits in 8 months. I tried everything. Besides Studio 3, my favorites are SWEAT (smart circuit focused), Studio Lagree (intense Megaformer-machine Pilates) and Yoga Six (very high-quality yoga teachers). Honestly, there were times and even weeks when I'm dragging and miss classes, but I do keep my mantra from work—"Showing up is 70% of success"—so I keep showing up.    
      I do think that constant diet projects may affect negatively the eating habits of your growing kids. However, I also believe that not feeling oneself as being physically strong and fit also reflects poorly on self-esteem. As a result, moms may not be able to keep up with the new human beings in her life, which is a big issue for every “super mama.”
      Nevertheless, even the most organized moms sometimes do feel frustrated, as if all the super power is sucked out of their bodies. When I feel that way, I revert to my yogi spirituality and begin to chant the Ashtanga closing Sanskrit:
      It is truly amazing how the repetition of these simple words can rebalance me and get me back on track.
      Translation:
      After five to 10 chants, I regain my superhero powers. Happy birthday to my baby's 1st year, and more power to every single mama!
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    • Play is way more than just fun. At play-based preschools, kids learn important life skills.
      “Play is often talked about is if it were a relief from serious learning. But for children, play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood.” —Fred Rogers
      As a parent, I always thought play is play. Sure, I knew kids learn through play—after all, that’s pretty much what preschoolers do all day—but it looked to me as if they were simply imitating what they saw adults doing, often turning recent experiences into play. When I was a child and my whole family got very ill with mumps, all my dolls ended up in Tinker Toy “hospital beds.” Little did I know that as I grated a wine cork into what I called “body crumbs” (creating my own medicine!), I was also developing my fine motor skills.
      [Related: Getting into Harvard doesn't need to start in preschool]
      Play is way more than play. It is, as my kids’ preschool teachers always emphasized, children’s work. Their preschool, Akiba-Schechter, has always offered a play-based curriculum, but not until their recent “Power of Play” project did I fully understand how essential play is to children’s development, and how much learning and physical development is accomplished through seemingly simple play activities. For example, playing with Lego isn’t just playing with Lego. It also develops fine motor skills, math and cooperative learning. Children might decide to build a Lego city and need to figure out what it will look like, who will live there and what will happen there. When two children decide to build a bunk bed in the block corner, they are cooperating. They also need to take turns, listen to one another and be considerate and open to other ideas.
      The same goes for cooking: so much is involved in messing around in the kitchen, and here I thought it was mainly about the end product and having a fun time. Turns out cooking with kids fosters their social  and emotional development as they share, take turns and follow directions. It requires them to reason and problem solve. As kids use measuring spoons, count scoops, follow a recipe’s order and sort ingredients, they learn about one-on-one correspondence, sequential order, spatial relationships, and explore the measurements of objects and quantities. These are pre-math skills.
      [Related: Preschool vs. Pre-K: What's the difference?]
      Cooking also lays the foundation for literacy. Kids need to read labels on ingredients, decipher recipes, look through cookbooks and write down their own recipes. Stirring, pinching, scooping, kneading, and cutting develops their fine motor skills. Cooking introduces kids to science as they plan and carry out simple investigations such as combining liquids and solids and later when they discuss what they investigated. While it might be a messy proposition to have them create their own cookies, think about all the skills they are developing!
      Play develops life skills. So, the next time your child comes home and answers “play” to your question what she did in preschool all day, appreciate this crucial time of development that helps children be successful in life.
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    • Parents have so much on their minds they can forget to appreciate the changes their kids are experiencing.
      My parents live in the suburbs and don't get to see our almost one-year-old son as often as they'd like. So my wife and I do our best to email them photos and updates so they can feel like they’re experiencing our boy’s growth each step of the way. Maybe we need to do a better job updating them because one of the first things my mom said about our son during a recent visit was: “He’s changing so much. You probably don’t even realize it.”
      It took me a second to respond.
      “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I never really thought about it.”
      But now that I’ve had time to reflect, it makes sense that the physical/other changes our son has experienced will be more noticeable to someone who doesn’t see him on a daily basis. However, this has got me thinking – what have I missed even though I’ve been with him every day since he was born?
      I think parents, even if they're physically present in their children’s lives, are sometimes (maybe often?) not truly there. They’re thinking about challenges at work or emails they need to respond to, wondering how they're going to find time to clean the house and make dinner, or imagining what it must be like to finally see the bottom of the laundry basket. Parents have so much on their minds and expend so much energy just trying to navigate the day-to-day challenges that they can forget to enjoy the now and appreciate the changes their kids are experiencing. Next thing you know, the baby they brought home from the hospital is taking his first steps, waving goodbye as he gets on the bus for the first day of school, then one day leaving the house for good.
      While we can’t slow down the hands of time and keep our little ones little forever, we can be a little more mindful and appreciative of the day-to-day changes they’re experiencing. Here are a few ways:
      Practice positive self-talk. Your child will stop crying and fall asleep. You won’t be this tired forever. Eventually you will have time for yourself. Do your best to keep your spirits up, especially when your energy and patience are down.
      Think about those who can’t have children. Kids can test parents’ physical and emotional limits, but there are many people who would give anything to be woken by a crying baby, or face a toddler meltdown in public, or deal with any of the other countless challenges that sleep-deprived/overworked parents can sometimes view as annoyances.
      Remind yourself that you can’t hit rewind. Your children will never be the same age again, so make the most of every second you have with them. No amount of photos or videos will help you get that time back.
      Unplug. If possible, turn off the computer, phone, and TV and keep your focus on your child. The emails, text messages and other electronic distractions can (usually) wait.
      Focus on your senses. What do you see, hear, feel, taste, and smell? Ask yourself and your child. If you take a stroll around the neighborhood, be mindful of your surroundings. Listen to the birds, stop and touch the trees and the leaves, smell the flowers and fresh-cut grass, talk with your children about what they see.
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    • These are the best Chicago playgrounds for kids who are new to potty training. With fieldhouses nearby, your kids won't have accidents!
      We’ve all been faced with the dilemma: How can we leave our house to go anywhere knowing that at any minute we will hear the dreaded statement of “I need to go to the bathroom!” when potty training our kids? Here are some playgrounds around Chicago with adjacent fieldhouses—with bathrooms! Just make sure you visit during weekdays when the fieldhouses will be open and bathroom facilities will be available.
      [Related: Potty Training for All Abilities (members-only video)]
      Margate Playground
      Location: 4921 N. Marine Dr., in the Uptown neighborhood
      The Bathroom Scoop: The fieldhouse is adjacent to the playground and just a short dash in to use the bathroom when needed!
      The Playground Details: Margate is a large, bright, busy playground with lots to offer all ages. There are great toddler climbing structures including a truck, a pretend pond area with a "dock" and stone water creatures on which kids can sit, with various other toddler climbing structures. There are higher, more challenging climbing structure options for the older set.
      Wicker Playground
      Location: 1425 N. Damen Ave., in the Wicker Park neighborhood
      The Bathroom Scoop: There is a large fieldhouse in this park, with a direct entrance from the playground. Phew!
      The Playground Details: Wicker is a busy playground along busy road, with the el rumbling by, but adjacency to a large park with mature trees creates a feeling of a more quiet location. Pack a lunch and make a day of this playground! Enjoy shaded play, water play, field play and watch the dogs romp and play across the field.
      Holstein Playground
      Location: 2200 N. Oakley Ave., in the Logan Square/Bucktown neighborhood
      The Bathroom Scoop: A large fieldhouse is a short walk away, so don’t wait until the very last moment to make the bathroom dash!
      The Playground Details: Spend time in the large pool or small kids wading pool. When the pools shut down for swim break, change and use the restrooms in the field house, then play at the playground while drying off; a sure way to get the kids tired on a summer day! There are two separate structures: the traditional structure is easy for toddlers to navigate with smaller slides and less height. The more modern, challenging climbing structure will keep older kids entertained.
      Commercial Playground
      Location: 1845 W. Rice St., in the West Town/Wicker Park neighborhood
      The Bathroom Scoop: A small fieldhouse adjacent to the playground makes a quick run to the potty easy!
      The Playground Details: Commercial is a fun, lively playground with many options for all ages. There is a water sprayer, ample climbing structures for all and a small picnic area. Check out the large "serpent" rising out of the playground for children to climb on.
      [Related: How to make potty training your toddler fun. Yes, fun.]
      Brands Playground
      Location: 3259 N. Elston Ave., in the Avondale neighborhood
      The Bathroom Scoop: A large fieldhouse sits right next to the playground
      The Playground Details: A bustling playground located on a busy street with adjacent field house, Brands is a newer playground great for spending the day. Pack a picnic lunch and enjoy the large adjacent field for some quality outdoor time. 
      Athletic Field Playground
      Location: 3546 W. Addison St., in the Irving Park neighborhood
      The Bathroom Scoop: You can splash here, then run to the bathroom in the fieldhouse!
      The Playground Details: Athletic has many climbing structures with a large water sprayer area that has covered benches nearby, perfect for snacks, sunblock application or taking a break from the hot summer sun. There are sunny and shaded grassy fields and flower areas surrounding playground.
      Eugene Playground
      Location: 5100 N. Ridgeway Ave., in the Albany Park neighborhood
      The Bathroom Scoop: This is probably the longest walk to the fieldhouse of the playgrounds in this list, so be ready to hustle to get to the bathroom in time!
      The Playground Details: This is a peaceful, beautiful playground set within larger park. There are plentiful of paths for bike and scooter riding. Spend the day "hiking," enjoying the river and playing.
      [Related: Potty training regression: What it is and what to do about it]
      Sheil Playground
      Location: 3505 N. Southport Ave., in the Lakeview neighborhood
      The Bathroom Scoop: Adjacent bustling fieldhouse right next to playground
      The Playground Details: Sheil is a small, modern playground with a baseball theme, complete with a huge baseball "scoreboard" chalkboard on the brick wall to the north. This playground is in the middle of the hustle and bustle of the Southport Corridor. Make a day of shopping, eating and playing, all without leaving Southport.
      Adams Playground
      Location: 1919 N. Seminary Ave., in the Lincoln Park neighborhood
      The Bathroom Scoop: A small fieldhouse is located within the playground grounds, barely a moment’s walk from the sandbox!
      The Playground Details: A staple in this neighborhood, Adams playground offers everything under sun and shade:  multiple play structures, a water sprayground, a large sandbox and picnic areas.
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    • Girls’ attitudes toward their bodies are most influenced by their mothers. Here's how to project a positive body image to your daughter.
      How do we equip girls with a positive body image? It’s a perennial question that doesn’t seem to fade no matter the advances of women in society. Articles in the press in recent years suggest that girls’ attitudes toward their bodies are most influenced by their mothers. While media messages, stereotypes and peer judgments may contribute to poor body image, mothers are their daughters' primary teacher when it comes to attitudes toward the body and physical appearance.
      How do mothers influence their daughters’ body image a positive way? They focus their attention on the function and ability of body. When mothers appreciate their own and their daughters’ bodies for what they are capable of—strength, endurance, flexibility, resilience, defense against illness, healing—they help their daughters develop a positive perspective on their bodies. This one may be obvious, but is worth saying for those who have any doubts: Mothers should not make negative comments about their daughter’s bodies or body parts (e.g., “Wow, you sure got my thick ankles, didn’t you?"). It’s even best to keep favorable comments about body appearance to a minimum to prevent over-identification with the body. Another “no-no” is encouraging your daughter to diet or “watch her weight” (unless it’s medically necessary). Even if dieting is her idea, or she just wants to do it to “see if she can,” or because her friends are doing it, discourage it and take some time to discuss the issue with your daughter.
      Here’s the best tip I can offer: If you really want to help your daughter develop a positive body image, project one yourself—or at least fake it till you make it. For example, don’t comment negatively on your own weight, body size or body parts; try not to get upset, angry or defensive if your body is the subject of comments from others (e.g., your own mother, the guys on the construction crew); and don’t deprive yourself of healthy meals with the family in order to follow a restrictive diet. And, finally, just say “no” to judging other girls’ and women’s bodies, including celebrities. Watch yourself on this last one—for some reason, body size is considered fair game for ridicule in many social circles where negative comments about race, gender status and immigration status would not be tolerated.
      Projecting a positive attitude toward our bodies can be difficult for those of us who were conditioned early in life to over-identify with the body. As much as we may try to avoid transmitting conditioned beliefs and attitudes about our bodies to our daughters, as long as these beliefs endure deep in our psyches, it’s challenging. What can we do? Get to the root of the problem. Be mindful of negative thoughts about your body, many of which are subtle and barely on the conscious level. This includes thoughts along the lines of, “I’m a loser/failure/weak/flawed person because I’m overweight (or can’t lose weight),” or, “I won’t be happy/loved/accepted until I’m thinner.” Every moment you become aware of a negative thought about your body, try to drop it. Don’t give these thoughts energy—ignore them…let them go. They are of no benefit to you. In fact, they very much work against your efforts in the long run.
      This is not the fast route to a healthy body image. It is a life-long process of rooting out the very deepest, basic reasons for our struggles with body image.
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    • If fractions strike fear into your child during homework hour, here’s a hands-on way to help her understand how common fractions can be equivalent.
      Your child might know what half a cookie is, but how about 4/8 of a pie, or 2/4 of a pizza? If your child knows that all of these fractions mean the same thing, she's well on her way to understanding equivalent fractions. But if fractions strike fear into your child during homework hour, here’s a hands-on way to help her understand how common fractions can be equivalent.

      What you need:
      8 ½ x11 plain white paper Colored pencils Lined notebook paper What you do:
      Begin by asking your child what equivalent means. If she's having trouble, help her find a familiar word within the word (“equal”). To gauge how clear or unclear she is on the concept, ask her to explain it to you. You can even mention that you can't remember the concept from when you were in school, and that you would love a refresher course from her. This may relieve whatever pressure your child may feel if she is uncertain about the concept. Tell her that you will work together to figure it out. Give your child the piece of 8 ½ x 11 paper. Have her hold it horizontally (if your child confuses horizontal with vertical, tell him/her that horizontal is like the horizon). Have her fold the paper in half, then open it up again, and ask her to shade in half the paper using a colored pencil. Tell your child to now fold the paper into fourths (i.e., half, then half again). Ask your child to open up the paper. Ask her how many fourths are equivalent to one half. When your child figures out that 2/4 = 1/2, encourage your child write this equation on the lined piece of notebook paper for future reference and review. Repeat Step 3, but go on to fold it into eighths and then sixteenths, each time having your child write down the fractions that are equivalent to 1/2. As an extension activity, you can have your child write down all the other equivalent fractions he/she sees, like 2/8 = 1/4 and 2/16 =1/8, etc. You can continue this activity with thirds, sixths, twelfths and twenty-fourths. You child will be surprised at how fractions that look big and "scary" as actually the very same fractions that they are familiar with! Post provided by education.com.
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    • If you're placing your unfulfilled sports dreams on your child's shoulders, you should prepare for disappointment.
      “Parents should be supportive. We can’t dictate to him what he can be and what he cannot be. So as a consequence, what we do is we participate with him in golf, and if it was bowling, we would participate with him in bowling. Each and every one of us has our own life to live. And he has a choice to live his life the way he wants to live his life.”
      In this “That’s Incredible!” episode from the early ‘80s, the late Earl Woods, father of Tiger Woods, discussed the role he and his wife, Kultida, played in how they raised their son and supported his interests. While some didn’t—and will never—believe Earl Woods’s denials that he pushed his son into golf, what is undeniable is that before be passed away in 2006, the elder Woods watched his son hoist 10 major championship trophies and become one of the most dominant golfers ever to tee up a ball.
      Until I became a dad last year, I never gave much thought to the sense of pride Earl Woods or the parent of any Olympian or professional athlete must feel while watching his or her child competing at the highest level of their chosen sport. My thoughts always centered around being the one circling the bases after hitting the walk-off home run in Game 7 of the World Series or nailing the game-winning jumper to win the NBA Finals. But reality has finally sunk in (unless the Cubs are in need of an almost-40-year-old right-hander with little to no control and hardly enough velocity), and I realize that my only shot at making the pros is through my son.
      The problem with that, besides it sounding like I’m placing all my unfulfilled sports dreams on my son’s shoulders, which I guess I kind of am, is that even if he did play sports in high school, the odds of him competing after graduation are slim. According to NCAA research, the estimated percentage of boys who play high school athletics who end up competing in their sport in college ranges from 2.8% for wrestlers to 12.3% for lacrosse players. The odds are even more daunting to move past the collegiate level, as the estimated percentage of male NCAA athletes who go on to play their sport professionally is:
      9.1% for baseball 1.1% for basketball 1.5% for football 5.6% for ice hockey 1.4% for soccer I don’t like those odds. I also don’t like thinking that analyzing all these numbers and trying to convince myself that my son will be the exception and not the rule may all be for naught as there is the possibility that he will break the news to me one day that he’s just not into athletics and he would prefer to pursue other interests like art or playing the piano (my wife’s hope). This wouldn’t surprise me in the least bit, as our son has already shown an affinity for instruments and he’s mesmerized by different sounds. Playing with a ball? Not so much interest in that yet. But he’s still young, I like to tell myself.
      So when it’s time for my son to start making the decisions that could impact the rest of his life, am I going to follow Earl Woods' advice about supporting my son no matter what, even if his heart takes him to a place that could break mine a little bit? I’m sure I will. Thankfully I have some time to come to grips with that in case it does happen.
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    • Trust your gut instinct as a parent that something isn't right, says this Chicago doctor.
      Many parents have questions about their child’s behaviors, feelings, thoughts and academic progress. You may have asked yourself many times, Is this normal? Will my child just grow out of it? Children have robust and complex emotional worlds and they can suffer from emotional and neurodevelopmental illnesses just like adults. Here is a list of a few things to pay attention to if you are concerned about your child:   
      Your gut feeling
      The most significant, reliable and valid warning sign for an underlying psychological issue with a child is the gut feeling of his or her parent. Since your child was born, you have been an overt and covert learner of your child’s behaviors, feelings and thoughts. As such, you have more knowledge about him than anyone. Suspicions that your child is falling behind, struggling in school, having trouble making friends or not behaving in a typical way are extremely valuable and important. If you suspect something, it’s okay to vocalize this suspicion and seek professional guidance. Many parents feel fearful and shamed that they are suspicious about their child’s development, but it does not make you a helicopter parent, truly. You are an in-tune and loving parent. If you are worried, please reach out. Psychologists like me are here to help.
      Homework refusal
      A child who refuses to complete and turn in her homework is by definition a child who is struggling developmentally. Many times these children are labeled as lazy or undisciplined. I encourage all parents to reject the myth of a child being “lazy” and instead explore why their child refuses or heavily resists homework compliance. Children with learning impairments often develop avoidant behaviors because their work is too hard, but they feel a sense of isolation, anxiety and embarrassment so they avoid the thing that makes them feel bad. Children with attention impairments also struggle to focus and may avoid homework participation due to the very real stress they feel when trying to complete it.  Lastly, children with anxiety or persistent depression are highly avoidant of homework as they struggle to summon the emotional resources necessary for its completion.
      Behavior problems at school
      While many children will have some behavioral management problems at school from time to time, frequent calls from teachers and other caretakers is a strong correlation to neurodevelopmental problems. Children who act out at school are often struggling emotionally and cognitively but do not have adequate coping skills and resources to manage. These children can be labeled as problematic or “bad,” but once again I encourage parents to reject these labels as so many children who act out have very real undiagnosed cognitive issues that need empathy, acceptance and guidance. Undiagnosed children who are overpunished at school often only get worse in their behaviors.
      Behavior problems at home
      Children with underlying feelings of sadness, anxiety, attention problems or learning impairments will often manifest their struggles in bouts of extended tantrums, defiant behaviors, antagonism and aggression. Angry outbursts are not uncommon and many children have them, but frequent outbursts, violence and acts of consistent defiance are a sign of a child who is struggling to cope. It is not uncommon for children with behavior problems to be labeled as “bad” or “defiant,” but many of these children are suffering quietly from learning impairments and/or emotional disturbances.
      Please know that if you have a suspicion that something isn’t right it’s important to seek guidance. In my experience, a parent’s gut instinct is the most reliable test in the world.
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    • This Chicago mom has become a master of spicing up store-bought food.
      I don't cook, and I am totally envious when I see mom friends post incredible dishes they make for their kids on social media. As a result, I make impulsive purchases to acquire cooking tools that gather dust in my cabinets.
      Like some mamas, I am just not interested in cooking. I enjoy it when it is an activity, an experiment, but not a task. 
      Most of the people in my generation growing up in Asia have a live-in nanny or take-out is merely a block away. Also eating out is a social thing with friends and families. And traditionally, Asian parents didn't encourage their children to learn how to cook, because in their mind it is "wasting time,"—kids should focus on studying and school. Especially for boys, messing around in the kitchen was definitely a no when I was growing up. (Clearly that's an old notion—nowadays, cooking is the enhanced value proposition for men because sexier men cook.)
      Now I am a mother of a picky toddler and an infant migrating to solid food. Even though I don't cook, my kids still need to eat! This is how I do it:
      Watch and collect ideas from cooking YouTube channel Tasty: I enjoy watching and collecting these nicely done cooking videos for future inspiration. The video editing technique they use makes everything looks so easy! I have a "cooking idea folder" where I collect video clips from Tasty Japan and Emmy Made in Japan. What makes them different is that besides being exotic and yummy, it's all about presentation—they make food too adorable to eat. And I can't resist buying all those cooking gears and molds—once a while, my kids get to eat one, or two, or three Panda rice balls. Order mobile food: I order from a wide array of restaurants with a single tap on my phone. I actually prefer "new delivery" (e.g., Foodora) vs. the traditional "aggregators" (e.g., GrubHub) just because the delivery service and timing is much more predictable when you have hungry kids at home. The essential difference is "new delivery" has its own logistics for delivery from gourmet restaurants and "aggregators" pass the order to the restaurant to fulfill. Make sushi: We are not talking about rainbow rolls or caterpillar rolls here. Avocado and salmon rolls are easy, healthy and achievable at home. Simply buy a sushi making kit, get some fresh avocado and sushi-grade salmon and follow a YouTube video. 
        Buy great kids' party food: Call me bold, but even thought I don't cook, I am brave enough to throw in a kids' birthday party with 60+ guests. I've tried out a variety of things from different places, and the winners are the ones that are easy to bake, steam, heat up or put together. Just to name a few from my shopping list that are super popular among little kiddos: H Mart: Crab or shrimp shumai, chicken teriyaki bao, mini seafood dumplings, Ramule (kids soft drink with a crystal ball inside of the funky bottle). And it looks like H Mart is going to add a West Loop location this summer, making my party-shopping route more streamlined. Costco: Beef bibimbap (Korean beef rice), party-size quinoa, crispy vegetable spring rolls Trader Joe's: Corn dog, veggie pizza bites, shrimp toast, macaroons (in the box)
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    • How to vet a summer camp for your child: the questions to ask, the signs to look for and how to ensure the safety and happiness of your child all summer long.
      I'm a parent like you and I’ve had to choose a summer camp for my own kids a zillion times. With so many options available, how do you know when a summer program is the right fit for your child and family?
      A word-of-mouth reference about a program is a great start, and there are lots of great camp guides out there. Regardless of how you hear about the camp, make sure it's licensed as a Children’s Activities Facility. Being licensed as such means all staff who are present with your child have been through a fingerprint-based state-police background check and that the Fire and Building departments have inspected the facility for safety. Some companies that offer camp for kids are licensed differently (with a Limited Business License only) because they offer 60% or more adult programming and do not specialize in children’s programming. Not sure? You can check how a business is licensed here. 
      More things to look for when vetting a summer camp:
      Is the camp site/facility secure? Is the entry and exit access-controlled by a system (for example, a self-locking door) or a person with eyes on the entrance at all times? How does the camp’s price compare to other programs in the area? Does the price reflect the value that you expect from the provider?  What is the max size of the camp? What is the leader-to-camper ratio? What is the age range of the campers? How are the ages grouped or not grouped? There are pros and cons to mixing a large age range, and you will want to decide for yourself what is right for your child. In addition to licensing for safety, how many staff members are trained and certified in CPR, basic life support and first aid? Optimally, every staff member is trained so that no student needs to wait for assistance in an emergency. Any program that has its eye on managing allergen cross-contamination will be cleaning throughout the day. What kind of cleaning products are used? Are they used around the campers? This answer should resonate with the guidelines you use in your own home. How does the camp play? Do the activities, including games, support empathy and other social-emotional skills?  Is the team made of seasonal employees or permanent staff? If the employees are seasonal, are they studying or working in education, child development or the camp’s specialty during the school year? Great people who enjoy doing this work, working with a team and with children are the main ingredients that makes a program amazing. Everything else is just marketing. What will the day/week be like? Even if you’ve heard great things, knowing what to expect can help you determine if the daily mix is right for your child’s needs. Look for references to both fine-motor and gross-motor activities, open time and, if applicable, instruction time, and ask about time indoors and outdoors—it’s summer!  Once your child is in camp, keep assessing the following: 
      Were you welcomed on the first day and every day? After the first day, does the staff know your child’s name? How does the staff interact with other campers? Does your child need to have a name badge to be recognized by the staff? Good programs will ask for a lot of information from you on registration forms. Is the staff using that information to contribute to your child’s safety and experience? After camp has begun, is the staff relying on forms or do they seem to know your child? If your child is learning a new skill, is he enjoying the process? Is he feeling judged or encouraged? Does he show an interest in learning or practicing more? Is your child leaving the program with a smile on her face? Did she have fun? Did she make a new friend? Kids are great reporters when asked these questions in an open-ended way (e.g., “Tell me about your favorite part of the day”).
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    • A thriving public neighborhood school is one of the biggest drivers in making a community great.
      Every spring on NPN we see the frenzy around trying to decide whether to take a spot at Awesome Elementary School or gamble on the wait list for Super Awesome Elementary School. Many of us elect to skip the CPS maze altogether and seek out the best private school option. While I don't intend to deprive anyone of all that fun, I just want to make a plea to anyone preparing for the next school year to consider your CPS neighborhood public school. 
      It's easy to follow discussions on the NPN forum about school applications and individual schools and draw the conclusion that there are only a few good options for educating our kids. There are so many little neighborhood school gems that barely get airtime on this site and one of them may be walking distance from your home. Last year I posted a question about my neighborhood school, New Field in Rogers Park, and literally had zero responses from NPN members. I also looked on the Great Schools site and saw nothing. So I decided to visit and absolutely fell in love with this amazing school that was on no one's radar.
      We've since gotten really involved with a beautiful school community and my son is thriving, loves school, and has a classroom experience that is every bit as great as the pricey private school he attended. I wish someone had suggested to me what I'm asking of you: if you're currently fretting about what to do about school consider your neighborhood public school, too. 
      Opting out of your neighborhood school has a real impact on that school. Funding is driven by enrollment—your child brings what is likely a substantial per-pupil dollar amount to whatever public school he or she attends. An overwhelming majority of CPS schools lost enrollment last year resulting in reduction of resources and for some, the threat of underutilization and closure. A school's success is driven, in large part, by the community that rallies around it. A supportive and engaged parent group and LSC means the world to administrators, teachers and students alike. And a thriving public neighborhood school is one of the biggest drivers in making a community great!
      I fully support anyone making the choice that's best for their children and family. I know there are religious reasons, special needs and other important considerations that drive where you send your kids to school. But if you're weighing your options, please make sure you pay your local neighborhood school a visit, talk to your neighbors who have children attending, sit in on an LSC meeting. Please to go forward fully informed.
      You may find your own little neighborhood school gem and have a big impact on that school community!
      This article first appeared as a post in the NPN discussion forum. Become an NPN member to join conversations Chicago parents are having about school choice, parenting, relationships and more!
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    • What's an IEP? And how is it different from a 504? Get answers and get expert help navigating CPS's special education system.
      As Chicago parents, we have many, many questions about our children’s education.   These questions start before our little ones are even born: Should I send my child to CPS, look at private schools, or move to the suburbs? What is my local school? Is it “good”?   Parents of diverse learners face many more questions as their children grow: How will my child get her needs met once she is in school? Is CPS up to the challenge? How do I start the process of enlisting school support?    More questions arise once your child is in school. You may start to hear teacher concerns or have your own concerns about reading, behavioral difficulties, attention, etc. Some of these questions may be: Can my child’s needs be met in her current classroom? Will he have to leave his friends and teacher? Will she be labeled or seen as “different”? Will he qualify for special-education support?    In my years as a school social worker and a diverse-learner clinical staff member, I have seen how daunting these questions can be for parents. Here are some key points to help you through the process of engaging support for your diverse learner:   IEP (Individual Education Plans) and 504 plans are different. An IEP is a plan based upon an educational diagnosis that is determined due to a school-based educational need. A 504 is a medical plan based upon a student’s medical diagnosis. An IEP carries with it support from a special education teacher or speech pathologist; a 504 does not.   But they do look a lot alike. Students on a 504 can receive educational accommodations and modifications, such as extended time on tests. Conversely, students can have medical accommodations provided through an IEP.    CPS schools are not inherently “bad” places for special education. As in suburban schools, CPS schools have uninspired, bitter teachers who are waiting to retire, and they also have knowledgeable, passionate, miracle-worker teachers who make significant gains with diverse learners. Teachers and members of clinical staff do what they do for the kids.   Don’t be afraid to raise your voice. I am a social worker, not a speech therapist or school psychologist. After more than a decade on the job, I am not ashamed to say that I do not fully understand every clinical assessment of every child. As clinicians present their evaluations, please feel free to stop us to ask questions. If you disagree with our findings, let us know. Determining eligibility for support is a collaborative process. We want to make sure that we have all of the facts before making this important decision.    Know where to park your squeaky wheel. Are you having an issue with your child’s special education placement? Were you told that your child would require a paraprofessional, yet this position has not been approved at your school? Ask school staff (typically the school counselor) for the name of the person who is in charge of these decisions. If that person does not call you back, contact their supervisor. Some overarching decisions do not come from your local school. You will increase your odds of getting action when you reach out to those in charge rather than rely upon school staff. Parents wield much more power than they know.   Your child is your child, not anyone else’s. If you tell other parents, family members, neighbors, etc., about your child and her needs, you will find that everyone has a story about a diverse learner and the school support that the child has or has not received. Please know that this experience is not your experience or that of your child. Try to start from a place of trust, believing that your child’s school support team will do all that they can for your child.    Please remember that you are not in this alone. You are your child’s life-long advocate, but you are also a member of his or her school support team. Your questions, thoughts, feelings and hopes for your child are important for the school team to know and take into account.
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    • We can help our kids focus on something they can understand that affects everyone in the world: kindness and respect.
      It was a Sunday night, and we were settling in as a family to watch a Blackhawks game when the game broke away for a nightly news update. The newscaster mentioned a looming storm, a car accident on the Kennedy and showed a clip of the President-elect behind a podium. My five year old looked at the television, looked at me, and then asked me why the President-elect was yelling. And to be honest, I wasn’t really sure since there was so much yelling going on for months and months in the political arena and it was beginning to wear on my heart…and my ears.
      [Related: A British expat mom on teaching kids manners]
      But here’s the thing: As parents and citizens it is our responsibility to weed through all of the politics and the ugly bickering that comes along with it and instead focus on the issues that we are passionate about. As an interfaith family, race relations are always on the forefront of our minds, as well as education, since we have two young boys who will be entering the public school system next year. Since these topics are complex and it can be difficult to explain why they are such “hot button issues” in this political climate to young kids, we focus on something they can understand that affects everyone in the world: kindness and respect.
      As we live our daily lives, we are always talking about kindness and respect. When I tuck my boys into bed each night, I ask them how they were kind that day. If they can’t think of anything, we talk about different situations in their day when they could have made a choice to be kind, such as inviting a friend to join in on a game or sharing a toy. We also make a conscious choice to fill our family library with books that showcase all of the different ways that people can and do make a positive impact on the world. NPN is another great resource to find ways for your family to volunteer and give back to the local community so you are truly practicing what you preach.
      [Related: Kid birthday party etiquette for parents]
      Respect is a bit trickier for young kids to understand, but it is now more important than ever to show everyone respect. During the election, our neighborhood, like many others across the country, was littered with lawn signs supporting one candidate or another. When my boys asked me what all of the signs were about, I tried to make my explanation, although imperfect, as simple and impactful as possible. I told them that everyone wanted to make the world a better place, but that different people had different opinions on how to make it better. The most impactful part of our conversation was when I explained that even though people disagreed, it vital that they listened to one another’s ideas because maybe, just maybe, they could blend their opinions to make one unstoppable idea.
      If you ask me, politics aren’t important. People are. And that’s what kids really need to know.
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    • Three things to do if your child is questioning his sexuality or gender identity.
      If your child starts to become attracted to someone of the same sex or wants to break away from typical gender expressions (e.g., a boy wearing a dress), you're probably wondering, Is this just a phase? Buckle up, because it’s not simple.
      The answer is yes and no. Some children have a clear sense whether they’re gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender from an early age and it never changes, while others might question and experiment with those identities only for a period of time. Most people report they have a sense of their orientation and gender identity in late childhood or early adolescence, around 10–13 years old. But that does not mean several people won’t experience periods of time where they may be attracted to someone of the same sex or wish to express their gender differently at any age.
      Thinking about whether these changes are temporary is really just the beginner step to asking, What should I do? And luckily that answer is simple and can be summed up in three tactics: Be loving, ask questions and educate yourself. Before I explain the benefits of why you should follow these steps, I’ll make a case against why not.
      Imagine coming to your parents to talk about something that might cause you to feel confused or even shameful. On top of that, what if you knew this thing you wanted to talk about could lead to being bullied, stigmatized and victimized? Then imagine your parent ignored what you said, argued against it, or plainly didn't believe you. Reflect on what that experience might be like.
      Fortunately, you don’t have to just rely on your imagination. Several research articles correlate negative parent perceptions of their child’s sexual orientation or gender identity with disrupted parent-child relationships, exacerbated mental illness symptoms and in some cases self-harm. Those are not inherent components of coming out. These outcomes happen when a child perceives they are a burden to those around them because of who they are. Extra emphasis on perceives. As an adult, you hold the power to reduce that psychological pressure by being loving and supportive, helping them to understand their experiences, and through education.
      Offer love and support. If a child comes to you with questions or statements about orientation or gender identity, first and foremost you need to offer reassurance that your love will be unrelenting. If nothing else, that is the takeaway.
      Ask questions. In addition, be curious about what your child is experiencing and ask questions. It communicates interest and acceptance. Convenient as it would be to have a simple path and timeline for LGBTQ experiences, there just isn’t one. In the same way that not every aspect of a religious or racial minority perspective can be explained in just one book or just one person’s story. Delve into your child’s experience and take in what she says about herself.
      Educate yourself. However, you don’t want to have your child be your only source of information. Ask LGBTQ friends, family members, local organizations and professionals for input. If you’re curious about what language is most appropriate, check out GLAAD.org. For the academic, look to scholar.google.com for peer-reviewed journals on LGBTQ research. And for those who prefer the medium of podcasts, listen to Unicorn Youth, which asks young people for their opinions firsthand. These resources are just a small starting point.
      When weighing the choices of how to react to your up-and-coming child or adolescent, I hope this piece tips the scales toward you offering support, because the risks of responding negatively to these changes carries a much heavier cost.
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    • It should come as no surprise that more and more dads want to be hands-on in every area of their children’s lives. That's our job.
      Exhausted, sweating, and questioning my travel attire (for some reason I thought jeans and a hooded sweatshirt would make the perfect Caribbean outfit), I just wanted to escape the customs line at Punta Cana International, find a bottled water and our seats on the shuttle, and then finally check in to the resort so the relaxing part of our four-day Dominican Republic vacation could begin.
      With our then–8-month-old son taking in the sights from his comfy perch in the Ergobaby, my wife and I worked our way up to third or fourth in line when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned and saw a man in his early- to mid-60s we had spoken with a few minutes earlier during the brief shuttle ride from our plane to the customs building. Our son’s penguin pajamas were the topic of that lighthearted conversation as he and his wife shared how they used to read their son a penguin book.
      This friendly exchange was a nice way to break up the strains and stresses that come with disembarking a plane with your hands full of luggage and an infant who could get agitated at a moment’s notice. But once we stepped off that shuttle, I assumed the conversation was over and we could get back to the business of starting this trip.
      “You know what? I just want to tell you you’re a great dad,” this man told me with a wide smile.
      Excuse me? But … why? After saying, “thank you,” my mind started racing as I wondered what I possibly could have done during the four-plus-hour flight from Midway, or during our conversation on the shuttle, that would cause this man to go out of his way to compliment me on my parenting abilities.
      “I’ve been watching you with your son,” he continued. “It pays off spending time with your children because they will grow up being close to you.”
      What a nice comment. I had never heard someone say it quite that way. It made me think how my wife and I would love nothing more than to always have a strong relationship with our son. But beyond that, his unexpected comments made me wonder why my wife, no matter how much she does and how much she means to our family, rarely, if ever, receives these type of comments from strangers or family members. I’m also guilty of not taking enough time to voice my appreciation for what she does, and I’m embarrassed to say that because my wife, without a doubt, is the one who makes our family work.
      She’s the one who brings the calm when our son’s bedtime storms arrive. She’s the one who creates catchy French songs on the fly and transforms feeding and diaper time into fun and memorable experiences for all. She’s the one poring over baby nutrition books and websites and spending Sunday afternoons cooking so our son can experiment with new foods and flavors. She’s the one learning about child developmental stages and educating me on what we should expect. She’s the one ordering his diapers and clothes and toys and ensuring that our son’s needs are always met. She’s one of a kind.
      Yet, despite all of this, she too frequently gets unsolicited advice from people who have no business telling her how to be a mom. “Your son is crying—he must be hungry.” (Even though he just ate.) “You need to hold him more.” And I love this one: “He’s sneezing. You need to change his diaper.” Meanwhile, I’m the frequent recipient of the “You’re such a great dad!” looks and comments from strangers for just doing what dads should be doing, like making a bottle in the grocery store aisle and feeding my child when the “I’m hungry” tears start flowing, taking him on walks around the neighborhood in his stroller, changing diapers—even if that means on the floor—when we're at a restaurant or store, or carrying him off a plane and interacting with him.
      And let’s not forget the people who go out of their way to help me when I’m struggling to maneuver my son’s stroller, like the woman at the cleaners who barely looks me in the eye when I’m alone but jumps out from behind the counter and props the door open for us (and makes plenty of baby noises) when my son is along for the ride, or if we’re taking a walk and I drop something. When my wife was pregnant she sometimes couldn’t find a resting spot on the 146 or 148 bus after a long day at work because people wouldn’t give up their seats.
      I’m sure much of the parenting praise I receive, and the lack of it that’s directed toward my wife, can be attributed to generational and cultural differences, as I’m certain, even in 2017, it’s a shock for some to see a dad taking care of “mommy duties.” But times have changed, and it should come as no surprise that more and more dads want to be hands-on in every area of their children’s lives. That doesn’t mean, though, that those dads deserve a pat on the back for just being around or getting their hands a little dirty. That’s our job.
      I think we can all do a better job of delivering praise—and how about stopping the criticism and shaming?—to the ones who have, for far too long, taken on much of the parenting duties while being unappreciated for all their efforts.
      The moms.
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    • Practical tips from a Chicago psychotherapist on how to help your boy express all kinds of emotion.
      The causes or consequences of why boys aren’t seen as emotional would make for a long and lively debate, but for busy parents just looking for practical ways to improve young boys’ emotional IQ, here are some quick tips.
      The best kind of care is preventative, and it’s useful to help boys explore emotions by starting with what they know. Look to the people they interact with daily—in person or in fantasy—as a way to discuss feelings. Bring up emotions in their territory and space. Television shows and video games are all driven by character interactions and are full of openings to start a conversation about feelings, especially if there is a mismatch and incongruency between what someone is saying and what someone is doing.
      If boys mention that someone was embarrassed or upset, you could ask, “How did you know?” Inquire about what cues they observed: Facial expressions? Body language? Words? It can often feel safer to talk about other people’s experiences and emotions instead of ourselves. If they can begin to identify what others are experiencing, it opens the door to understand their own responses. With that in mind, be careful of putting words or vocabulary at the top of the hierarchy for emotional competence. One can read apprehension in a person from how they take a jump shot in basketball or when being invited to a playdate or party they are uneasy about attending. Give due credit to emotional literacy based on nonverbal cues.
      Boys are naturally exposed to feelings of jealousy, sadness and anxiety—as we all are. However, boys often lack the security that would armor them when talking about emotions that may negatively influence how you see and perceive them. As a result, it is critical for adults to praise expression of emotions in men. If a boy can see that you have a consistent attitude about a man despite his changes in emotional state, then he can begin to feel more comfortable expressing his emotions. If you’re a man, you can promote this idea by comfortably sharing your own emotions. Exercise vulnerability and expression in public and private settings about moments that make you feel irritated, nervous or sentimental, not just the more acceptable emotion of anger. 
      Modeling this kind of behavior and permitting it in others drops the veil of false expectations. From a child’s perspective, if it is okay for you to talk about and express, and if it is okay for others (both females and males) to emote and share, then the message for the boy will be, “It's okay for me too.”
      When talking about feelings with boys, paint the picture that emotionality is a human quality and that it can be dealt with in positive and negative ways. If someone throws their Xbox controller at the screen when they’re angry or suppresses a desire to cry when they feel extremely hurt, address those instances as inappropriate ways to handle emotion. Validate their feelings, but point out and discuss those destructive behaviors in men and women alike so they can be seen harmful or less than ideal for everyone, not just boys or men. Also, praise boys when they express emotions in a positive and healthy manner. 
      It isn’t revolutionary to say that we influence the next generation in ways we don’t realize. But it is helpful to remind ourselves we do influence future generations. I give this advice as a reference point. Obviously it won’t make you an emotional guru overnight, but it does begin a chain of events to bring these ideas to the forefront of your relationships. Exploring, modeling and sharing emotion make it more acceptable for young boys, and eventually expressing emotions for boys becomes part of any normal day. 
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    • This Chicago mom follows these simple tips and has seen fewer illnesses in her house.
      When my two older boys were younger I distinctly remember thinking one winter they were never going to go back to preschool because they were never healthy. Fast forward about five years and one additional kid, and we seem to be in a better spot health-wise. I attribute this to a few changes I’ve made, which I've highlighted below. I’m not a doctor, nor a scientist, so this is purely speculation, but it seems to be working for us.
      1. Get rid of the hand sanitizer and just use soap and water. I used to use hand sanitizer religiously thinking it was actually doing some good. I think instead it was just stripping the kids of any "good dirt" and making them more vulnerable to infection. I could be wrong about this, but since I have switched to just handwashing with regular old soap and water we’ve had better luck with staying away from colds and other infections.
      2. Add a daily probiotic. About three years ago, I started everyone on a daily morning probiotic appropriate for their age. I just buy the one they will actually tolerate from Whole Foods so no real science going into this, but I figure it can’t hurt them, and possibly only help.
      3. Get a flu shot. This is a vaccine, so clearly there is major debate around whether one should receive a flu shot. Full disclosure: I am 100% in the "all vaccines are good vaccines" camp, and I make sure my kids, myself and my husband all receive the flu shot every year.
      4. Cut down on dairy and push water. My kids don’t really drink milk or any milk-based products. My older two children had ear tubes and chronic ear infections when they were younger, and the doctor suggested to cut back on dairy. I’ve followed that advice ever since and the head colds and congestion have definitely decreased.
      5. Get fresh air. Ever since my oldest was just two weeks old (and this was during a Chicago winter) my mom always said, "Get him outside!" I try to get the kids outside for a little while every single day, no matter what. It’s good for their mental health and their physical health (as well as mine). I also try to open the windows to air out the house every once in a while, too. This is definitely a throw back to my nana, but it makes the house seem fresh in the middle of winter, and as if the germs are leaving the premises.
      Sometimes getting sick is just hit or miss, and for whatever reason some kids are more susceptible to getting sick. However, these basic tips have definitely helped us decrease illness overall. I also found that getting through that first year of preschool or kindergarten helped build up the kids’ immune systems immensely. 
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    • It's your job to model healthy eating, it's their job to choose what to eat.
      It never ceases to amaze me how my two kids—born from the same womb—can be so different. I don't know why it still surprises me so much, but it always does. In areas where one excels, the other struggles. At times when one is calm, the other is fired up.  
      The differences in their personalities show up everywhere, including at the dinner table. One loves chocolate, the other loves vanilla. One is adventurous and willing to try new foods, the other is ... not. 
      Over the holiday break, we visited my mom and dad in Florida. One night, we went to a local restaurant called Deep Lagoon Seafood. Jack, my adventurous one, saw a poster on the wall promoting a local "delicacy" on the menu. The poster said:
      "Gator Bites. Bite them before they bite you."
      Um, ick.
      But, right away, Jack was practically bursting with excitement. (Kinda weird, right?) I mean, the kid was ALL IN. 
      Meanwhile, Caitlin (my not-so-adventurous one) broke out in a cold sweat. She was ready to do a mad dash from the restaurant. Can't say I blame her. My stomach did a few somersaults, too. 
      For me, it was a great reminder of the fear kids can feel when faced with an unfamiliar food. I'm a full-grown, 40-something adult and I was feeling the fear loud and clear. If someone tried to force me to eat 'gator, I would not be happy. Not one little bit. 
      As parents, it's human nature to want to encourage our kids to try new foods. After all, we know that foods like peas and broccoli are harmless and (sorta) tasty. But from a 2-year-old's perspective, those green veggies can set off the panic button, much like the 'gator bites did to me.
      So, as a parent, how can we respect our kid's food preferences and aversions, while still encouraging them to eat healthy, new foods?
      First, we can try to be good role models and eat the foods we want our kids to eat. In the 'gator example, I maybe wasn't the best at modeling adventurous food choices, but I also can't exactly say that 'gator is a food I want my kids to like. On the other hand, give me a fresh, simple salad and I'll role model my way to Timbuktu.
      Second, as the wise Ellyn Satter recommends in her "division of responsibility" approach, it's the parent's job to offer kids healthy options; it's the kid’s job to choose whether or not to eat them. In other words, we should routinely prepare healthy foods for our kids, then leave it at that. Our work is done. Amen and hallelujah.  
      As I often tell my kids when they get all hot and bothered about the choices I've given them, "Food is food. You can eat it or not. It's your choice. But food isn't something to get worked up about." Then we move on.
      Sounds like a ridiculously simple way to deal with a tantrum at the table, doesn't it? But once you get the hang of it—and your kid realizes that you aren't going to force a food—so many stresses at the dinner table melt away.
      So what was Jack's verdict about the 'gator? "Tastes like chicken, but chewier."
      P.S. I don’t know if eating ‘gator is humane, sustainable or acceptable. I should probably look into that. Keep in mind this was a one-time experience, not an overall lifestyle choice, so please be kind.
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    • Here's how to keep an eye on your phone while interacting with your kids.
      My wife and I have been taking our 8-month-old son to swimming class for the past couple months, and each time we’ve gone, I’ve noticed something about the parents lounging in the deck chairs near the floor-to-roof glass wall that separates them from the pool. Most of them have their eyes locked on their phones instead of watching their kids in the water. It’s crossword puzzles, Gmail, CNN.com, games—you name it. I see it when we’re waiting to enter the pool deck and when I’m in the swimming lane with my son.
      I get it. Kids’ practices and activities can be a much-needed respite for sleep-deprived parents who just need to veg out for 30 minutes or an hour and mindlessly surf the internet, send an email or play a game (my alarm goes off at 4am every Monday through Friday, so I feel your pain).
      But, can we be honest? The smartphone has also taken some, sometimes much, of our attention away from our children when they’re sitting right in front of us. I never thought I would become one of “those parents,” but I’ll be the first to admit I’m guilty at times. Sometimes I jump at my phone with each notification, refresh ESPN.com every couple minutes to see if the football score has changed, or habitually check my email instead of keeping my full attention on my son. There are only so many wooden block towers I can construct and nursery rhymes I can repeat before I need to turn my attention elsewhere, even if it’s just for a few seconds.
      So for me, and any other parent who sometimes can’t resist the urge to have our phones in our hands or near us when we’re playing with our kids or when they’re participating in an activity, I thought I’d do us all a public service by listing a few ways to use the basic functionality on our phones (I’m not a big app guy, so feel free to stop reading if you were expecting one of those top parenting app blogs) that could put the attention back on our kids and away from the work email that can wait until Monday and the crossword puzzle or game that will still be there when the kids go to sleep: 
      Take photos/video of your child. They’ll never be in this moment again, so why not snap a few shots and create an online album or email the photos/videos to loved ones? It’s incredible how fast kids grow—savor and save this moment.
      Write a quick note to your child. I’m so glad that before my son was born that I wrote him a letter every few days throughout the length of the pregnancy. Sometimes it was just a quick note to let him know I was thinking about him. Other times it was several paragraphs about how I felt about an upcoming doctor’s visit or the fears I had about how life would change when he finally came home from the hospital. Soon after he was born I compiled these notes in a self-published book and presented it to my wife.
      Have your child “call” a relative. Even if your child is just babbling and cooing and can’t yet form full words, I’m sure there are plenty of relatives, especially the out-of-towners, who would love to hear a few sounds from your little one.
      Throw a ringtone rave. Kids love to move and dance, so why not get some good use out of all those ringtones you’ll probably never use?
      Teach how to count. Practice counting 10, 9, 8, … with the hourglass feature. Use your phone’s stopwatch to practice the other way … 1, 2, 3 … .
      What might be the best tip of all (although I know it’s infeasible for some of us) is to keep the phone out of reach, or just turn it off, when your children are around. I know I don’t have memories of my parents playing on their phones or some other piece of technology and not giving me their full attention, so I don’t want my son to have those, either.
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    • You can boil down most parenting advice to just two commands.
      Thirteen years of parenting and dozens of parenting books later, I’m here to offer my own advice for parents: Forget about it. Advice, that is. 
      We need an antidote to all the “do this, do that” out there for parents. Why? Why not use advice if we can learn from others so that our own journey with children is more joyful? Because, bombarded by so much advice, we can’t retrieve the applicable “to do” from our cluttered memory banks when faced with a particular parenting challenge. Especially when it’s sandwiched between all the other advice we absorb on a daily basis—advice on what to eat, how to get fit, how to save for college, how to maintain our homes, how to navigate office politics, etc., etc.  It’s advice overload. And if the adage “keep it simple” applies to anything in life, it’s parenting.
      As parents, we have a natural intuition when it comes to nurturing and guiding our children. The problem is, these days it’s very hard to access that intuition because are minds are so full of all the things we need to do, forgot to do, want to do and wish we had done. The average human brain generates 60,000 to 70,000 thoughts per day. These thoughts, along with keyed-up minds and bodies due to stress, cloud our deeper sense of the right action for any particular situation.
      I say the only advice parents need is this: Be calm, be present.
      Calm parents make wiser choices for their children. So find out your best source of relaxation and make use of it. Is it a bath, a leisurely walk, a few moments of quiet in your car before you enter the house, a phone call to a light-hearted friend, a cuddle with the family pet? If you start by being quiet each day, allowing yourself to just “be” for a few minutes, you are likely to find yourself naturally drawn to the calming experience your nervous system craves. As you discover what calms you, allow yourself time for it on a regular basis.
      What else can we do to tune into our natural parenting wisdom? Be fully present. Research shows that the average person’s mind wanders nearly half of the time, and the trend is upward thanks to our device-addicted, information overloaded, schedule-packed lives. Mind-wandering and multi-tasking are recipes for disaster when it comes to parenting. How can you possibly tune into your deeper intuition if your attention is divided two or three or six different ways? When we are distracted, we tend to react automatically, out of habit, often with an underlying desire to dispense with the problem as quickly as possible. When fully present we are alert to the essence, and subtleties, of the moment—the look of joy or pain on our child’s face, our natural compassion for them, our sense of our own limits and boundaries, and the spontaneous growth opportunity the moment offers.
      Strengthening your mind’s ability to stay present is like strengthening any muscle. You have to work it. The more you discipline your mind to be present, the more presence becomes your mind’s default mode. You can give your mind a workout by setting aside time each day to focus on being present, sometimes referred to as meditation. You can also give your mind a workout by returning your attention to the present moment whenever you find it has wandered, the essence of mindfulness. But don’t take my advice! See for yourself.  
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    • I'm teaching my small children (3 and 8 months) four languages: Mandarin, English, Spanish and Romanian. Here's why, and how.
      Recently I was in NYC for work, and as I was walking through the city it became clear English is not the only dominating language. You could hear Chinese and Brazilian Portuguese spoken at shops, and chattering among street vendors in Hindi and Arabic. This is definitely a phenomenon in the United States of America—a country of immigrants. In addition, when I look around, there are many kids nowadays from cross-racial families, like mine. Looking exotic is fun, and being able to comprehend and speak multiple languages is a bonus.
      In the past generations of immigrants, people abandoned their native tongue or didn't encourage their kids to speak it because the common desire was to learn and to only speak English so they could immerse themselves into the new country quickly. That notion has changed completely in the modern parenting, especially for those whose families have diverse ethnic backgrounds. Linguistics and early childhood education shows a child can learn a seocnd language three times faster before age 7, and pretty much slows down (or becomes difficult) after age 14, compared to an adult.
      Many of my friends lament that their kids can't speak their ethnic language. The moment their kids started elementary school, they refused to speak other language besides English, unless other immersion learning environments were provided. Otherwise, you are pretty much stuck with learning a language in school, which will never encourage fluency. Which is a pity.
      Therefore, my takeaways are: 1) The golden learning window is small, better optimize than regret later; 2) Learning a second language stimulates the brain in a different way. (Even if simultaneous translation glasses become available for our kids' generation, the cultural aspect of learning a language will never be replaced by robots!)
      The following is the language program I've developed for my almost 3-year-old and 8-month-old:
      English: They will master on their own by living in an English-speaking country. At home, we only focus on reading books (yes, paper ones) every day for 20-40 minutes, by me, by Daddy, or any guests visiting when I have a chance to outsource the task.
      Mandarin Chinese: We have some advantages on this front, and I am leveraging them as much as possible: a Chinese nanny (who speaks no English); a Taiwanese educational program "Ciao Hu" shipped by my parents from Taiwan every quarter with seasonal toys and a DVD; Mandarin language class every Saturday at Language Stars; one-month winter vacation in Taiwan with my parents once both kids are potty-trained (escaping unbearably cold Chicago is a bonus).
      Romanian: We also have some advantages here (my husband is Romanian), but due to Daddy's work and travel schedule, we are still trying to improve the learning opportunity: part-time Romanian nanny (who speaks no English); Dino Lingo apps for games, books and video; spending the summer at their grandparents' Transylvania orchard country house, where they'll learn how to milk a cow and how to make Romanian crepes from scratch.
      Spanish: Look, 1 out of 4 people in the U.S. speak Spanish, so why not? We are doing Spanish circle time at preschool, Urban Child Academy and Language Stars every Sat morning.
      So, how do my kids do? My 8-month-old takes all in, no complaining. And my almost 3-year-old is totally confused between Spanish and Romanian when she is asked to count to 20 (a natural occurrence, according to linguists). However, she is able to translate for our Chinese nanny to place a food order at Navy Pier during their weekly Children's Museum excursion.
      The fact is my own four-language journey (Mandarin, English, Japanese and French) started after 7, which is clearly too late, so I am not good at any of them. However, I'm starting to feel it could be mission possible for my kids. Stay tuned.
      Read more...
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