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    • Follow these tips to avoid making kid birthday party blunders, whether you're throwing the party or your kid is on the guest list.
      Every party, big or small, has a pooper—don’t let it be you. What am I talking about specifically? Birthday party etiquette for parents. If you are in any local Facebook mom groups or have checked out the NPN forum, you will see that parents are making party fouls left and right that end with tears from both kids and adults. Here’s how to avoid kid birthday party blunders:   If you're throwing a party...
      No one likes to be left out. So err on the side of caution and invite every single kid in the class, no exceptions. Don’t have the budget for it? Re-evaluate what the party entails and trim costs from there. There are so many different birthday party venues in the area for all types of budgets, or you can always throw a fantastic party at home.   Be clear on exactly WHO is invited. If it is a drop-off party (oh, how I can’t wait until my boys are old enough for these), be sure to explicitly state who should be dropped off. Maybe something along the lines of, “Logan is so excited to celebrate with his friends outside of the classroom.” If it isn’t a drop-off party, clearly state if the entire family is welcome through wording such as “The Simkin Family” on the invitation.   Sharing photos of other kids on social media is a very sticky subject for some. I like to be mindful of those parents who aren’t active (or even present at all) on social media and instead only share a photo or two of my own kids from the party. And, really, my family and friends don’t have any interest in seeing photos of kids they don’t know anyway.   Want to skip all of the birthday party drama all together? Have your kid pick a best friend or cousin to have a special day when the birthday child gets to plan his favorite things to do. For some inspiration, check out my favorite things to do in the city and in the 'burbs. I personally love this idea because it is more of an experience, and these were the most memorable ways I spent my birthdays as a child.   If your child is invited to a party...
      RSVP. Doesn’t matter if the invitation was verbal, in writing, or sent in an email. RSVP. Seriously. Or else be prepared to have something from Emily Post waiting for you on your doorstep.   Have questions about whether siblings are invited, if it is a drop-off party, if food is going to be served, etc.? Just ask. The party host will be glad to clear up any confusion and avoid the unexpected.   Stick to the same budget for each party you attend. Don’t stress about how much the Joneses spend on birthday gifts; stick to what works for your family’s situation. My go-to gift? A box from Kiwi Crate, which ranges between $12 and $20. All I have to do is stick a bow on the cute box and we are ready to go.  
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    • If you're a stay at home mom, your day might look a little something like this. If you're not, this is some insight into SAHM life.
      Before having my daughter, I never thought about what stay-at-home-mom life would be like because I never thought I'd be a SAHM. Fast forward though the newborn stage, my return to work, and then my decision to quit my job and I'm now living the stay-at-home-mom life. It's certainly been interesting, fun, challenging, wonderful, exhausting and all the usual descriptors. But I thought I'd give you a glimpse into the real thoughts that go through a stay-at-home mom's head every day. You know, the things you might never say out loud, but shamelessly float through your mind on a daily basis.

      1. *Baby crying* "It's seriously morning already? I just went to sleep! Why don't kids sleep in? I should really start drinking coffee..." This is me. Every. Single. Morning.

      2. "Shower time. Just kidding! Topknot, check! Now, what should I wear today? Jeans? Hahahahaha! Leggings or yoga pants it is." Somehow, leggings or yoga pants have become the official uniform of moms everywhere. Why? Because they are stretchy, comfortable and don't inhibit your movement when you're trying to chase and catch your toddler before she makes it to the stairs.

      3. "Is it nap time yet?" Every mom around the world looks forward to nap time. 'Nuff said.

      4. "Am I on my phone too much? I'm on my phone too much. I should play with my child more. Want to play patty cake?! Patty cake, patty cake... Ooh, Facebook notification!" As mothers, we are so hard on ourselves about always making sure our children get enough socialization, stimulation, play time, sensory play, exposure to new things, classes, music, the list goes on and on! So much so that when we veer off track a little to check our phone or turn on the TV, we feel guilty. But ya know what? As long as my kid doesn't put his finger in a socket, we're good.

      5. "I NEED to get out of the house." Sometimes (and by sometimes, I mean all the time) I just need to leave the house (with my baby, of course), whether that means just to roam Target or drive in my car. As a SAHM, those four walls close in fast!

      6. "It's 3pm. Have I eaten lunch today? I should probably eat something besides leftover puffs and yogurt melts." I never used to understand how moms wouldn't have time to  eat. I mean, eating is a basic need. But when you're a mom, food falls way down on the totem pole of priorities.

      7. "OMG, when is hubs going to be home??" It's like a movie when my husband walks through the door. Lights are shining down on him, music is playing in the background and I'm running slo-mo with arms outstretched toward him.

      What are some of your brutally honest SAHM thoughts? Do share!
      Lauren Plotkin, former Chicago Public School teacher turned blogger, started blogging to document her journey through life, motherhood, and all the craziness in between. She tries to approach life with a sense of humor (and maybe a little bit of wine) and loves sharing her experiences—the good, the bad and the ugly—with her readers. You can find more of Lauren's writing at www.myplotofsunshine.com.
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    • These are the things to pack to make the hospital feel more like home.
      There have been a few strategies I have learned along the way of being a special needs parent that have been so helpful for our family. One such strategy is having a hospital “go” bag. Already having a hospital bag packed has been a major relief at 2am when we are leaving for the ER, because we don’t have to run around scrambling for essentials for what may be a few days in the hospital. We keep our hospital bag in the car at all times—we don’t always go to the ER from our house, it might be from school or an outing.
        For our family we find comfort in the familiarity, in the few special things that make our children's hospital a home away from home. It's strange, but I don't panic or even dread hospital stays, I just accept them as a part of our journey. I know that we will have everything we need, we will be well cared for and that we will go home soon. Normalizing the experience helps us quickly adjust to hospital life, jumping right in to the pace of hurry up and wait. I focus on our routine: unpacking, meeting the team, requesting our essentials, getting settled and waiting for rounds. 
        Being a mom who has spent many nights in children’s hospitals, I consider this to be our essential packing list. Your list might look a little different, but hopefully this is a helpful starting point. (If you know a parent who is unexpectedly spending a few days alongside their child’s hospital bed, these are some great things to bring them.)
        Must-haves: A phone charger. Obviously. Comfy pants and a sweatshirt for parent. I rushed to the ER in shorts and a tank top once and thanks to max AC in the hospital I had to wrap myself in blankets to stay warm! Change of cozy clothes for child. Yes, they have gowns for children, but I find that wearing our own clothes when possible makes us all feel more normal. If nothing else it’s nice to have clean clothes to go home in. Shower essentials. Flip-flops for the shower if you get grossed out by shared showers like me, hair tie, hairbrush, toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, face wash, contact lens case and solution.  Melatonin for parent. Do you know how stinking hard it is to get decent sleep on that plastic hospital couch/bed thing?! Multivitamin and probiotic for parent. You are now surrounded by germs, but really need to stay healthy! Snacks for mom and child. (Or cash for the vending machine.) Feminine hygiene products. Our children’s hospital didn’t have tampons when I urgently needed one. Formula. We have gotten stuck waiting four hours for the formulary to deliver formula with a cranky baby! The back-up lovie or pacifier List of medical diagnoses, medications the child is taking and a copy of medical card Grippy socks. The hospital ones don’t fit comfortably for me. There are even things about hospital life that I start to look forward to, like padding over to the cafeteria and having someone make me an omelet at 2am, being able to focus all my snuggles and energy on one child, and, importantly, that someone else does the bulk of the laundry. 
      But there have been dark times that have left me in what felt like a free fall. In those times, it was the familiar comforts that kept me on track until we could celebrate successes again. Celebrations will come, even if it's just celebrating the chance to go home and re-pack your bag for next time. 
       
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    • NPN members suggest the best restaurants for kids in Chicago. The criteria: kind staff, kids' menus, plenty of high chairs and, of course, great food.
      When someone asks whether a restaurant is "kid-friendly," that's often code for: "How tolerant is the staff about my kid throwing his chicken fingers on the floor just for kicks, escaping his seat to take a lap around the restaurant and having two meltdowns before the appetizers arrive?" But beyond being understanding that kids will be kids, kid-friendly restaurants also have a menu filled with things kids will like, plenty of highchairs and booster seats, super-quick service and, if they're really on their kid game, games or crayons to occupy little hands. 
      Which Chicago restaurants meet much of these criteria? One NPN member asked for parents' suggestions on the discussion forum this week—their answers are below. 
      Crosby's Kitchen: "It is extremely kid friendly while still maintaining a nice atmosphere," said one member, who also recommended the cookie skillet for dessert.
      Little Goat: A whimsical West Loop hotspot from mom-to-be chef Stephanie Izard
      Xoco: Counter-service Mexican from Rick Bayless, with locations in River North and Wicker Park
      Spacca Napoli: "It's so loud that nobody will notice a toddler!" said one member of the Ravenswood pizzeria.
      The Bad Apple: "Their burgers are fabulous and they are always very nice and friendly," said one member of the North Center gastropub. "They have a great side room that a lot of times is kind of the designated kid area."
      Frasca: Casual Italian from the same owners of Crosby's Kitchen
      SIP Southport & Irving: A casual spot in stroller-heavy Lakeview
      Fork: One member recommends the mac and cheese for kids at this Lincoln Square spot.
      Gather: Another Lincoln Square nominee with an awesome back patio for the warmer months
      Cafe Selmarie: Kids will love the wide array of pastries and sweets at this French-influenced restaurant adjacent to kid-friendly Giddings Plaza in Lincoln Square.
      Roots: The Quad Cities pizza at this place (locations in West Town and Lincoln Square) is great and all, but the fact that each kid gets handed a big ball of pizza dough to play with puts this place over the top.
      What did we miss? Add your picks to the discussion on the forum. 
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    • What to do next after your child is diagnosed with a developmental difference such as autism, sensory processing disorder or other special needs.
      As your child grows and develops, you might find yourself worrying and wondering if their development is on track. And when it comes to development, there’s a lot to keep track of—feeding, gross motor skills, fine motor skills, speech, language, social-emotional development and play (to name a few!). 
      What happens if you feel your child is behind in one of these areas? To start, know that you are not alone. Every child develops uniquely and at their own pace. Talk to your pediatrician about your concerns. Your pediatrician will guide you to the right professional. 
      A diagnosis will help pinpoint what specific areas of your child’s development need to be addressed. A diagnosis also means you’re one step closer to receiving valuable treatment from which your child will greatly benefit. The doctor or therapist who gave your child a diagnosis will guide you toward the next steps. These steps typically include the following:
      Determine the best course of action. This is also known as a treatment plan, and may include the type of intervention your child needs, the frequency, the duration and guidance for you as a parent.  Learn about your insurance benefits. This will ease unneeded stress by ensuring you know what will be covered ahead of time.  Find a therapist to implement the treatment plan. Your pediatrician is an excellent resource for referrals to health care providers that can best help your child. If your child needs multiple therapies (which many do), you may prefer a setting that offers multiple therapeutic disciplines at the same site. Write your questions down. Your therapist’s job is not only to help your child; it’s also to help you. This includes answering your questions, teaching you about your child’s strengths and weaknesses, and educating you how to best help your child. Don’t let your questions linger; seek the answers you need for peace of mind. Write your concerns down. Be specific, and provide examples. Your child’s therapist will likely meet your child for 1-2 hours during the first appointment, which will provide only one snapshot of your child. To help your child’s therapist better understand your child in other contexts (e.g., home, school, with peers, etc.), be ready to share information about your concerns.  Connect with other parents. It can feel overwhelming and even scary to learn your child may be behind in their development. To ease your mind, seek support from other parents who have been there, too. NPN offers a monthly Developmental Differences Parent Support Group. Check the NPN calendar to find the next meeting and sign up. Finally, continue to remember that every child is unique, including their pace of development, special areas where they excel, and certain areas that seem harder for them. By seeking help for your child, you are helping them grow and develop to their full potential and ultimately helping them succeed in life.   
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    • After 18 months of having a nanny, this Chicago mom put her son in daycare. Here's why that child care decision was right for her family.
      Truth be told, I’m the last person who wanted to put her child in daycare. When my son was born, we had a full-time nanny. When he was 18 months old, we found ourselves needing a new child care arrangement, and my husband suggested daycare so our son would have more socialization and learning activities.
      I started researching daycares (on NPN’s forum, of course), and we chose a referral. My son’s first few weeks in daycare were a transition—more for me than him—but he quickly became comfortable in his new classroom. Some days, he didn’t even want to go home.
      As months went by, I noticed daycare was having a positive effect on him—and us. Here are seven ways daycare has changed our lives for the better.
      [Related: What to look for in a childcare center or daycare]
      Socialization
      My son didn’t have a sibling when he started, so daycare has been an opportunity for him to experience socialization and concepts such as sharing and being respectful.
      Routine
      Daycare has given him structure. He’s learning how to stick to a daily routine and follow along with others. And though I find it hard to believe, his teachers say he’s the best napper in his class!
      Learning
      Soon after he started, I was amazed to hear my son mentioning words and concepts I knew I didn’t teach him—I realized just how much he was learning at daycare. Throughout the years, his teachers have also been instrumental in helping us understand how he learns best.
      Manners and habits
      I was pleasantly surprised one day when my toddler shook my hand and said, “How do you do?” He’s also learned good habits such as clearing the dinner table and looking both ways before crossing the street (which of course has a fun song to go along with it).
      Potty training
      A friend once told me the best benefit of daycare was potty training. Boy, was she right. After struggling at home for months, my son’s teachers potty-trained him in a matter of weeks. Being in an environment with peers who were also potty training made the transition much easier for him.
      Friendships
      It’s been a joy watching my son develop friendships with his classmates, and I too enjoy the camaraderie with parents. When one of his classmates transfers to a new school, I don’t know who takes it harder, him or me!
      And now the best for last: babysitters
      I know daycares have different policies but ours allows teachers to babysit, which has been a godsend for us. What can be better than a babysitter you know and trust and your child looks forward to spending time with?
      Now that my son is nearing kindergarten, I‘ve been thinking about all his kind and loving teachers, the classmates that cheerfully greet me each morning (Hi, CJ’s mommy!) and the daily routine I’ve grown to look forward to. Knowing this is his last year there makes me a little sad. Daycare was definitely the right decision for us.
      Weighing your childcare options? Look for a parent-recommended nanny in NPN's Childcare Classifieds and browse our School & Daycare Directory.
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    • Weighing your child care options? One Chicago mom explains why she chose a nanny rather than daycare for her kids.
      With our first child, we agonized over most decisions, but deciding what to do about child care was the hardest. It gave me constant anxiety and frequently kept me up at night. It was one of those BIG scary decisions we procrastinated making.
      My husband and I grew up with stay-at-home moms, and while I knew I would go back to work, it took me a while to realize what that meant. Would we still be raising our daughter if she spent more wakeful hours in child care than with us? What type of child care would be best for her and our lifestyle? Would we feel more “in control” of our daughter’s schedule if we went with a nanny or would socializing her early be best for her development? Many questions ran through our minds.
      Because of my slow emergence from the hazy, sleepless bliss of maternity leave, selecting a nanny became more realistic than getting into a respected daycare center. Our demanding jobs, our travel schedules, my volunteer commitments and my husband’s grad school program also factored heavily into this decision. We were strapped for quality family time and wanted to preserve as much of it as we could. With a nanny, we hoped we would be able to keep our daughter in her own environment, maintain her routine, have help with laundry and cleaning around the house and, most of all, find someone who would care for her with almost as much love as we would.
      The process of finding a nanny can be daunting. I looked at the NPN forums and on Care.com and researched agencies. Because I grew up in a smaller town where everyone knows everyone, one of my major issues with the process was the desire to find someone connected to someone we knew. A background check is helpful (and a good idea) but a referral gave us peace of mind. Luckily, due to timing, we found a nanny through a referral with a long list of glowing recommendations, which made the transition easier.
      The additional help at home and schedule flexibility meant we were able to be “present” during our daughter’s wakeful hours. However, this also meant that we could be more “present” at work. The daily photos from our nanny helped me to know our daughter was enjoying her day just as much as they helped me to relax and focus on work.
      Our decision worked best for our family, but not every family has the same needs. The one important lesson I’ve learned is that your child care needs will change as your child grows or siblings come along. The only constant thing in life is change, and child care is no exception, so don’t beat yourself up if your initial nanny isn’t a good fit or if you decide to go the daycare route after having a nanny for your infant. The only person who knows what works best for your family is you.
      Trying to find a nanny? Check out NPN's Childcare Classifieds for parent-recommended caregivers.
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    • Potty training your toddler? Keep a potty seat and your sense of humor on you at all times.
      Oh, potty training. It’s something you look forward to (hello, end of diapers!) but in reality it is like you are going to war. And the worst part? You are under the command of a temperamental toddler who couldn’t care less about your expensive furniture or about taking a break from playing to sit on a cold, hard toilet. But here’s the thing: You will get through it. How? By being flexible, investing in some great carpet cleaners (and a bottle of wine if need be) and maintaining a sense of humor.
      I have two little boys, one who is totally and completely toilet trained and one who is still learning. As for me, I am continuously learning and what I have discovered most about the potty-training process is that I just need to let go because the process is different for everyone.
      [Related: Best Chicago playgrounds for the potty-training toddler]
      Here are some tips I’ve learned along the way that I hope can help you, too:
      1. Let your child take the lead. Let’s face it, we all know that our children aren’t going to do something unless it interests them. So if they are continuously fighting you about sitting on the toilet or putting on underwear, listen to them. You can always try again next month. They will not be in diapers when they go off to college, I promise.
      2. Make it a fun experience. We are book lovers, so we have turned bathroom time into book time. Keep great books nearby so you can read while waiting for some potty magic.
      3. Track progress. Sticker charts can work very well to keep a child motivated and see progress. At certain increments, we take a visit to a favorite places to celebrate, such as a train restaurant or roller skating rink.
      4. Pump up the positives and downplay the negatives. Your child will have accidents. It isn’t the biggest deal in the world. Simply clean up and remind him or her to use the potty when “that feeling” comes. And when the waste makes it into the potty? Throw the biggest celebration that you can. Positive reinforcement outshines negative reinforcement any day of the week.
      [Related: Potty Training for All Abilities (members-only video)]
      5. Stop comparing. Is there a mom on social media boasting that her 18 month old is perfectly toilet trained? Good for her. Are you like me and having a much more difficult time toilet training one child versus the other? Parenting and comparing are a dangerous mix. Don’t give in.
      6. Be prepared. Once your child is using the potty more frequently than a diaper, don’t expect it to be a cake walk. They will “have to go” when you are stuck in traffic and will occasionally refuse to go when not in the comfort of their own home. So be sure to always pack extra clothes, supplies and a potty seat wherever you go. Trust me.
      7. Relax.
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    • Five reasons a small apartment is perfect for raising a family.
      Are you, like my husband and me, raising two kids in a two-bedroom condo or apartment? Are you wondering how long your family will fit or wishing you had more space? We do, too. But as parents of two boys (seven and nine years old), we have grown to love life in our little place. We’ve enjoyed living here longer than we thought we would, and you might enjoy several more years, if not a lifetime, in your small home. Here’s why.

      Small homes are easy to keep clean. Spending 10 minutes putting things away leaves our home looking organized and neat. Ten more minutes yields clean bathrooms and kitchen. If I wanted to, I could keep our home looking spotless in 15 minutes each day. As it is, I can usually find 20 minutes to straighten up right before guests arrive.

      Small homes also provide lots of family time. Since our kids are never more than a few short steps away from us, we almost always know what they are up to, even if we aren’t involved. They can do their homework, take a bath and clean up their room while remaining close enough to carry on a conversation with me in the kitchen. When we want privacy, we just close our bedroom doors (which works about half the time).

      The “one toy in, one toy out” rule is part of our routine. Our closets, cupboards and shelves are big enough for what we need and help deter us from keeping too much. I admit we occasionally store unopened cereal boxes on a shelf in our bedroom because there is no room in the cereal cupboard, but that has more to do with my husband’s “unique” grocery list than our lack of space.

      Living without a yard means we never have to do yard work. We’ve never had to clean gutters, reseal a patio or rake leaves. We don’t even have a garage to keep clean. Yes, I daydream about gardening, playing in the yard and not looking for street parking, but I appreciate our mostly maintenance-free life.

      Our boys are learning how to be good neighbors. With reminders (sometimes several in quick succession), they don’t yell in the stairwell, dump out their marbles on the wood floor or jump up and down while playing Wii. Since a baby moved in upstairs, they have been learning to be especially quiet during his naptime. Having other people’s needs top of mind is a wonderful practice (and we practice, practice and practice it).

      Every family has different needs and priorities, and what works for me might not work for you. But if you are living in a small home with children underfoot, don’t despair. Small-space living has unique advantages that can help make life relatively easy and fun. Enjoy the benefits while you have them. After all, living small can be pretty great. 
      Related articles:
      Yes, you can survive parenthood without family nearby
      13 signs you might be a Chicago mom
      Best playgrounds off the El
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    • Keeping my daughter at home, and away from germs, keeps her healthy.
      I recently turned down an invitation for my two-year-old daughter and I to join a fun outing, and the hostess was mad. "Aren't you ever going to let her have any fun?" she said. "How is she supposed to learn social skills?"

      Yeah, we miss out on a lot of fun things. Yes, I doubt myself and fear I am overreacting. But before you judge me for keeping my child in a bubble, step into my shoes for a moment.

      It's Respiratory Syncytial Virus season. RSV infects the lungs and breathing passages cna can lead to pneumonia. My immune-compromised child has already spent enough time in the hospital. Between two heart surgeries, a GI surgery, nine months in the NICU and countless ER visits, we are all pretty over it.
       
      Seeing her NICU clinic doctors, ENT, GI, pediatric surgeon, pulmonary hypertension team, cardiologist, optometrist, occupational therapist, physical therapist, speech therapist, intensive feeding team and developmental therapist seems like enough, thank you.

      We really do have to worry about RSV and respiratory illness to the point that we are basically prisoners inside. As any parent to a special-needs child knows, from October to spring we are ordered to limit her exposure to germs as much as possible. We don't do play dates, indoor playgrounds or birthday parties during those months because your kid's sniffle would land us in an ICU with a machine breathing for her so fast it's terrifying.

      Here is the thing: She could DIE. Her body is fragile and weak and it can't fight like yours.

      We do have fun, but it looks different than the fun you're having. We have a plastic slide in our living room and have even considered installing a swing to the ceiling. We have an endless collection of books and have countless dance parties. We often take all the blankets and pillows in the house to create a giant crash pit, and I even let her jump from the sofa into the big soft pile. We do a lot of splashing in the bathtub and creating art out of shaving cream. We decorate one another with stickers and sometimes even markers, because we don't have anywhere to go.

      We order lots of take-out and have become good friends with our UPS driver. Our groceries come in a giant truck and deliver lots of boxes to play in and on, which, from a toddler perspective, is pretty exciting.

      We get to spend a lot of time bonding and relaxing. We have plenty of time to just snuggle and be together. Life feels perfectly slow, not rushed or overscheduled.

      In the summer we will quicken our pace and head back to the park to see our friends. But for now, we are thankful for a reason to slow down and treasure our time with one another.
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    • Adopted kids come to their adoptive families for many reasons, and they rarely involve luck.
      "They are so lucky to have you."
      This is something my family hears regularly from strangers and friends alike. Every time I hear it my heart sinks, because I know the person saying it has the best possible intentions but, really, these babies are far from lucky and it misses the reality of their painful journey. 
      Every single child deserves a loving, supportive home. Luck should have nothing to do with it. But if it did, "lucky" would have been being able to stay with their first families in better circumstances without the pain of significant loss. Each of my children's removal from their first families and placement into our family was complex and traumatic for everyone involved. Describing them as "lucky" dismisses the loss and trauma they have experienced.

      There was nothing "lucky" or "blessed" about how they came to us. We need to remove the word "luck" when trying to describe their stories. 

      They didn't choose this. They didn't play a game and win a prize. This is their life and they ended up with parents who are going to screw up as much as the next unlucky kid who thinks his parents are the worst. 

      So, please, think about how your words will hear to these small ears and pause long enough to formulate words that describe what you mean. I think what you mean to say is you're "so glad we are together now" or "we make a great team" or "we look like we're having fun together." 

      Instead of talking about how lucky my kids are, I hope you can say, "I can see how much you love those babies and it warms my heart." 

      I do. I love them more than words can even express, and they deserve that love. They are fully entitled to a love that is big and bold and healing, because they have been through a lot.
      What you’re seeing isn’t luck, it’s the love of a unique and beautiful family. 
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    • How one Chicago mom is creating a more inclusive world, one image at a time.
      Photo credit: Sarah-beth Photography
      Rarely do you see a person with a disability in an ad campaign that has nothing to do with his or her disability. Chicago mom, NPN member and photographer Katie Driscoll aims to change that with her charity, Changing the Face of Beauty. Her goal? To convince retailers large and small to include people with disabilities in their ad campaigns. 
      "The common response I receive from the industry is, 'We never even thought about including those with disabilities,'” says Driscoll, whose six kids are pictured, above. "My response is, That's unfortunate, because globally the disability community equates to the size of China. They, as well as their families, are a very brand-loyal community. Our mission continues to remind companies that not only is it socially important to include all people in their advertising, it is actually a good business decision."
      She's had incredible success so far. She’s helped put the first model with Down syndrome, Jamie Brewer, on the runway at New York Fashion Week 2015. She has convinced more then 100 companies to put people with disabilities in their own advertising. She partnered with Tori Spelling and her Little Maven clothing line and created a holiday look book profiling kids with and without disabilities. She has appeared on the Today Show during its “Beauty Is” campaign.
      But there's so much more she wants to do. Read on to learn more about Changing the Face of Beauty and how you can help.
      What is your personal connection to the cause?
      Changing the Face of Beauty is a part of our family now. Six years ago when our sixth child, Grace, was born, she was diagnosed with Down syndrome. At that moment our journey began. During the first couple years of her life if was important to me that I could show our world how thrilled I was to be a mom of a little girl after five boys. Her diagnosis of Down syndrome was secondary to our excitement of raising a little girl.  
      I found the easiest way to communicate just how similar our life was to everyone else's was through imagery. As I started reaching out to small Etsy vendors for images of kids like my daughter, I realized how under-represented children with disabilities were. Imagery speaks so much louder than conversation, so I pushed myself to learn how to use my camera and start capturing kids and young adults with disabilities modeling products. The response was fantastic and gave me the confidence to reach higher. I believe passionately in this mission and it consumes my everyday. I want to leave this world a better place for my children, and that means making sure they are all valued in the world they live in.
      Why is the charity important to Chicago kids? Changing the Face of Beauty is a reminder of how important it is for all kids to be seen and feel a part of the world they live in. The community of people with disabilities is the largest global minority yet remains the least represented in our media and advertising.   No parent wants to raise a child who is invisible to the world around them. Unfortunately that is what is happening to children and adults with disabilities.     I believe it is important for all kids to be exposed to not only others like themselves but to those kids who might be considered different. Advertising and the media have the power to do that. If parents and their children were exposed to all kids of all abilities I personally believe there would be less fears and more opportunity to enjoy life's milestones together instead of separately.   How has starting CTFOB affected you as a parent? I am not sure that starting CTFOB really affected my parenting. Having a child that is deemed disabled by society definitely did.  Before Grace, I was the mother of five boys who were developing typically. Until Grace, I had no exposure to anyone living with  disabilities and I was very uncomfortable with people who were considered different.   Having Grace changed my life. It really changed my whole family's life. She opened our eyes to the world as a whole, and for that I am eternally grateful because I now have friends who have disabilities and they are some of the smartest and kindest people I know. They make my life more exciting and actually challenge me as a person to think outside of society's box.     So my parenting style has changed. I am now more concerned about how my kids treat others. I am also concerned about who they are surrounded by. I want my kids to be in environment that lifts them up as well as gives them the opportunity to help others. Because of CTFOB, my kids have and continue to be surrounded by all kinds of people, and I believe they will look back on their upbringing and be thankful of the opportunity to get to know so many different people. Unlike me, they will start out with less fear because the world is their friend. How can people get involved? CTFOB is a sum of everyone who has believed in, worked for and demanded change in the advertising industry. It is an ever-evolving organization that needs creative and hardworking individuals to nurture it. There are so many ways for people to become involved.  We are scheduling photo shoots around the world!  We are also holding conversations with companies and asking them to make sure to include the largest minority in the world in their marketing message.     Additionally we are looking for companies to partner with our organization to help us fund projects like PSAs to educate the future marketing world, develop a stock imagery database to give companies and organizations a place to go for good and realistic disability stock imagery, as well as create marketing materials to send to marketing firms who are creating and packaging ideas for their clients.   
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    • A lactation consultant preps pregnant moms for breastfeeding challenges.
      When you're pregnant, how breastfeeding will work for you won't be apparent until after your little one greets the world and screams for food. You won't know whether your baby will latch easily, how much milk you'll produce, or whether it'll hurt a lot or not at all. But there is still plenty you can do while pregnant to get prepared and educate yourself about how to feed your baby.   Barbara Hardin, an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) with The Mother's Milk Company, clears up some of the myths about breastfeeding, as well as how to overcome the typical stumbling blocks.   [Related: What to expect when you're expecting a Chicago baby]   What are some things an expectant mom can do now to make breastfeeding easier when the time comes? It can be good to talk with other new moms about preparing for motherhood. If you ask them about breastfeeding, here are some things you may hear:   1. Take a breastfeeding class. The workshop I'm leading at Preparing for Parenthood is a great place to start. 2. Read a good book about breastfeeding, such as Nancy Mohrbacher’s Breastfeeding Made Simple: The Seven Natural Laws for Nursing Mothers. You will learn about baby’s instinctive behaviors and what normal breastfeeding looks like. 3. Learn about the benefits of being skin-to-skin with your baby. It’s a wonderful way to care for him (or her) in the early days after baby’s birth and also supports breastfeeding. 4. Identify one or more IBCLCs who provide in-home care just in case you need help once you are home with your newborn.   5. Contact your insurance company to learn how to get coverage for IBCLC services and how to obtain a breast pump. The Affordable Care Act mandates that insurance cover these services.   What are the biggest stumbling blocks moms have when it comes to breastfeeding? It’s important to realize that babies expect to be held most of the time, and they feed frequently—8-12 times a day! Thinking of yourself as baby’s habitat and having unrestricted contact with your baby in the early days and weeks after birth can go a long way toward making breastfeeding easy. Also, having a supportive network of family and friends to help take care of you, the new parents, can ease the transition to parenting.    Many cultures have a “lying-in” period when mom is relieved of all responsibilities except for caring for her baby. In our culture, moms are usually expected to maintain their pre-baby responsibilities after baby is born. So, help those around you learn how their support is vital to helping you achieve your infant feeding goals. And go easy on yourself! There are breastfeeding support groups, as well as NPN New Moms Groups, available. Find them, and connect to your tribe or your village to give you the information and ongoing support you need.    [Related: 12 truths about giving birth from an OB nurse]   Do you think moms put too much pressure on themselves to breastfeed? Is there a point at which you recommend a mom stop if she’s having a lot of trouble breastfeeding? While most moms are able meet their breastfeeding goals, as an IBCLC, I often see moms with difficult breastfeeding challenges. Sometimes these difficulties seem to be or can be insurmountable. It is always ok for a mom to decide that she wants to stop breastfeeding and to feel supported in her decision. It is the IBCLC’s role to give a mom information, strategies and options about her breastfeeding situation. It is the mom’s choice to decide how to go forward.   While exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months is recommended, breastfeeding does not have to be an all-or-nothing process. Partial breastfeeding or partial breastmilk feeding can be viable options. Knowing this helps some moms continue to do some breastfeeding. I always support a mom’s decision about how to feed her baby, whatever choice she makes. My role is to help make it an informed choice.   What are your thoughts on the recent findings that there’s no need to “pump and dump” when you’ve had a drink or two? The last thing we want to do is put unnecessary restrictions on what a breastfeeding mom “must do” or “cannot do” which may cause her to shorten the duration of breastfeeding. It is widely accepted in the medical literature that moderate and responsible use of alcohol does not cause harm to infants. There are, however, some cautions moms should be aware of. You can find a number of reliable sources of information to turn to for guidance on alcohol use and breastfeeding.    What recommendations do you have for expectant moms who are planning to work full time but also want to continue breastfeeding?  First, keep in mind there is plenty of time to prepare for going back to work after baby is born. In the early weeks, focus on getting breastfeeding off to a good start and establishing your milk supply before you begin to store milk for your return to work.   You’ll find it helpful to talk with other moms in your workplace who have continued to breastfeed after returning to work. These moms will be able to share some of the ins and outs of your workplace. Find out if there is a designated area for pumping milk. If there is not, ask your employer to provide a suitable place to pump. Know that you have rights under the law to provide milk for your baby once you have returned to work. 
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    • One mom's tips for turning off your phone and tuning in to your kids.
      A few weeks ago while hanging out with my boys in their playroom, my four year old looked at me and said, “Mommy, I’m so glad you’re playing with us and not with your phone.” There it was, the punch in the gut that totally and utterly changed my social media habit.   You see, I’m a blogger, so social media is absolutely VITAL to my business. But here’s the thing. I wasn’t keeping my work life and home life separate—it creeped in every day through me checking my phone way too often and not being as present as I would have liked.   Although it absolutely stung to hear my sweet boy call me out, I knew that something had to be done. And let me tell you—it was so incredibly hard to unplug. So what I did was take baby steps to overcome my social media addiction in a way that still allowed me to have my blog thrive. But even more importantly, the happiness of my whole entire family improved as well.     How did I do it? By prioritizing. Like most moms, my family is a top priority. So I straight up asked them how they would like to spend time with me and did what they asked.    Although my initial social media detox was hard, I slowly started realizing that I was accomplishing so much more than I had when I was chained to my phone. I was also having more fun--painting alongside my boys and becoming a kid again. While I’m still blogging away, the majority of my time is spent writing and researching my pieces instead of working like crazy to promote them, and I truly couldn’t be happier.   Unplugging tips that worked for me   1. Keep track of your social media usage for a week. Then make a concrete plan to reduce your usage.   2. Set a schedule for when you will allow yourself to check social media and STICK WITH IT. My favorite ways to limit my stubborn self? Through apps and websites such as Facebook Limiter, Social Network Limiter and Minutes Please.    3. Remove as many social media apps as possible.    4. Turn off notifications.    5. Leave groups. Stick to your favorite few and ditch the rest.   6. Remember that less is more. No one needs to see every cute picture of your kid to know that he or she is adorable.   7. Ditch your phone whenever possible. Leave it at the bottom of your diaper bag, in the other room, turn it face down or even put it on silent mode and enjoy the peace and quiet.
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    • Northwestern's Dr. Rebecca Unger drops some serious knowledge on newborn and infant care.
      As an expecting parent, you are rightfully overwhelmed with all that's ahead for you when your little one greets the world. This tiny creature will depend on you for everything, and you want to be prepared to do the best for her, right?    Dr. Rebecca Unger, a pediatrician at Northwestern Children's Practice, answers some pressing questions about newborn care below.   What are some things that happen in the first month of a newborn’s life that many parents are unprepared for? Newborn babies do not come with an owner’s manual, so it is common to feel unprepared for what you experience during your first month as a new parent. Since older babies often have predictable feeding and sleeping schedules, one of the things that many parents are unprepared for is the unpredictable rhythm of newborn life. Newborns have patterns that can help provide some structure, but there is no such thing as a schedule to the day (or night) until a baby is several months old. Add parental fatigue to the mix and it can be overwhelming to make sense of how to know how to meet your baby’s needs. Once you learn that the best way to figure that out is to trust your instincts, along with depending on your pediatrician and trusted friends and relatives for information and support, you will grow to have more confidence and understanding about meeting your baby’s needs. Luckily it is a very steep learning curve!   What are some things that parents overprepare for? Depending on the parenting style, some parents will read and read and read about caring for a newborn. Although it can be helpful to read ahead of time about how to feed, bathe, diaper, and sleep train your baby, you will learn all of those skills very quickly when you have your baby in your arms, regardless of what parenting resources you have already studied.    What are the most common behaviors or concerning symptoms that you should look for in your infant in the first week home?  Right from the start, babies have unique personality traits. Your baby might be quiet, calm and watching everything around her or she might be active, intense and fussy. All of these temperament traits are normal. You will learn to respond to your baby’s personality traits and know when and how to meet her needs.    Newborn babies can see close faces, large shapes and bright colors. Vision develops rapidly over the first year. Babies have a social smile by 6-8 weeks and even before that they will pay attention to your smile and facial expressions, your voice and being held. Within a few months, babies may even imitate and engage in your facial expressions.    Babies can have irregular breathing patterns, active startle reflexes and fussy times, all of which are normal. Concerning symptoms would be excessive crying or inconsolability, lethargy that results in poor feeding, lack of eye contact, significant vomiting and lack of urine output.    What are the most common questions you get from new parents? 1) How do I know if my baby is hungry? 2) How do I know if my baby is getting enough to eat? 3) How do I know when my baby is ready for sleep? 4) When can I go outside with my baby? 5) When can I travel with my baby? 6) How often should I bathe my baby? 7) How warmly do I dress my baby? 8 ) Can I use a pacifier?   Answers: 1) Feed your baby every 2-4 hours, as a general guideline. Healthy babies can feed on demand—they are the boss! 2) If your baby makes at least four wet diapers/day he is getting enough to eat. 3) Your baby should sleep frequently—the sleep pattern should be up a little, down a little. Remember that sleep begets sleep so a well rested baby will sleep better than an overtired baby. Sleeping well at night will promote sleeping well in the daytime, and vice versa. 4) You can go outside with your newborn baby anytime, as long as the weather outside is not too frightful for you. 5) You can travel anytime with your baby. There are no restrictions, however once your baby is older than 6-8 weeks of age, there is less concern about development of fever. 6) You can bathe your baby as often as you like but often babies are bathed several times/week. 7) You should dress your baby as warmly as you dress yourself. 8 ) You can use a pacifier anytime. If you are breastfeeding and have some problems, you might want to wait until breastfeeding is going well.   Dr. Unger has been working with the Northwestern Children’s Practice for over two decades. She also works at Lurie Children’s Hospital as an attending pediatrician in the Lurie Wellness and Weight Management Clinic. Dr. Unger has enjoyed raising her children, Emily and Joey, and learning from both of them every step of the way. 
       
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    • Books First! aims to eliminate "library deserts" one book at a time.
      Imagine growing up with little to no access to books—no library nearby, no books at home, not even a library at school. For many Chicago kids living in poverty, this is the norm. Bernadette Dorman and her organization Books First! aims to eradicate "book deserts" by receiving book donations from Chicago families and donating them to Chicago Public Schools that lack libraries.    So far, Books First! has received 22,000 books and delivered them to 10 schools. Every single one of those books makes a difference in the lives of children who might never otherwise experience that connection with words and reading.   What's your personal connection to this cause? During the 2012 Chicago teachers’ strike, there were a number of discussions on the NPN discussion forum about the challenges teachers face. I asked what teachers needed and one replied that many of her students had poor reading skills and no way to practice those skills. I did some research and learned that 95% of the kids interfacing with the juvenile justice system were functionally illiterate and that an amazing percentage of low-income kids could not read above a fourth grade level. When I did some further research I learned that over 150 Chicago Public Schools did not have libraries. It struck me that kids were being tested on skills and schools' effectiveness were being rated on student achievements when kids did not have the resources to learn those skills.     On a more personal note, I grew up in a home where English was a second language, where there was no money for books, but my parents insisted I go to the public library on the way home from school every day. I know that the majority of the kids I went to school with did not have books at home. I believe that the trajectory of my life was changed by having access to books.     Finally, I know that many of my mom friends find themselves searching for new homes for their children’s beloved, but no longer read, books. It seemed apparent to me that there was a great need for books and there was a wonderful supply of books in need of new homes. I began discussing this with my husband, and he finally said, "Well, why don’t you stop talking about this and start doing something?" Hence, BooksFirst!   Why is this charity so important to Chicago kids? At a party, I was seated next to some teachers who told me about kids who came to school and when handed a book opened it from the back because they had never held a book before school. They told me about not having enough books in their schools for kids to do the requisite 20 minutes of reading each night. About kids who didn’t have permanent homes, who were shunted from home to home with their belongings in a trash bag and who couldn’t get library cards because they didn’t have a permanent address. About bright kids whose world view was limited to grim neighborhoods. I feel that the books that are donated give these kids an opportunity to fall in love with words, to build literacy skills and to see a world beyond the one in which they live.     We frequently get letters from our recipient schools and one made a very deep impression on me: A boy who lived in a homeless shelter wrote that he loved reading, the library was too far away for him to get to, and now he could read and he could teach his little brother to read. I like to think this boy has a chance to fall into love with books, and by having books to teach his little brother to read, his little brother will come to school with a love of books.    How has being involved in this charity affected you as a parent? I’ve frequently told our son he doesn’t know how lucky he is. When books come to our house, he helps to unload and filter them. He’ll ask me where these books are going and to whom. I think he has an awareness of his privilege that he would not have had otherwise. Now, he allocates part of his allowance to buy books for BooksFirst!. He also tells me that he is thinking about becoming a teacher.     In addition, it has made me feel connected to other parents in a way I never did before. Over 400 parents have donated books—and it isn’t remotely convenient to do so. They have to sort through books, bag them and haul them to one of our three drop-off sites. It never ceases to amaze me that so many moms do this in addition to all the other responsibilities that mothers have. I am amazed by the number of parents I don’t know personally who do book drives, spread the word to their friends, post BooksFirst! promo cards. I think in the city it is sometimes easy to feel that you don’t have a community. I feel that BooksFirst! has given me a community of caring, compassionate parents in a way that no other activity has.     How can people get involved? We recognize how busy people are so we list ways people can be involved in a few minutes to a year or more. Spreading the word is incredibly important. We’ve intentionally chosen not to become a 501(c)3 because we want to focus on delivering donations to schools without diverting our attention to fundraising, dealing with tax receipts and producing an annual report. Consequently, our “advertising budget” is our own money and we appreciate the power of the grapevine.   In addition to individual book donations, book drives at schools have yielded thousands of books. A book drive is a great way to engage kids in giving to other kids, and we’ve found this truly resonate with them. Finally, we currently have three BooksFirst! drop-off homes, and we would love to have more throughout the city. This is a substantial commitment, and it is never convenient or easy, but the more drop-off sites, the more donations we can receive.    For more information about Books First!, check out its website.
       
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    • A physical therapist lays out the most common ailments pregnant and new moms suffer that few people talk about.
      As a women’s health physical therapist (PT), I see many women during their year of childbirth. Popular culture often depicts pregnant women effortlessly exercising into the third trimester, then “magically” back to their pre-pregnancy shape and activity soon after delivery. The female body goes through much transformation during this year, but for many women, it does not feel so “magical.”
      Many of my patients say they wish they had known to look for some of the issues I treat them for. Here are the 5 most common ailments women should be aware of during and after pregnancy—and how physical therapy can help.
      1. Severe back pain is not normal. Although some minor back pain during pregnancy is common, pain that limits your ability to function, move, exercise or sleep is not normal! Studies show that back pain during pregnancy may become chronic if it is not treated. If it hurts to move or do your daily activities, ask your doctor/midwife for a referral to PT—most pain can be easily treated.
      2. Your abdominals may split. Diastasis recti abdominis (DRA) is a common condition during pregnancy where the “six-pack” abdominal muscles separate down the middle. After childbirth, some women may notice there is either a gap or a bulge in this space that comes up when they try to do a sit up. If you see this, stop the sit ups and see a PT to get the right abdominal exercises to strengthen effectively.
      3. Doing kegels is important. Our pelvic floor (kegel) muscles take a huge hit during pregnancy and vaginal childbirth. We can’t always predict delivery complications but the healthier these muscles are at the start, the better the recovery. Research shows kegels may decrease urinary leakage during pregnancy and after delivery. A women’s health PT can help design the right exercise program for you.
      [Related: Give yourself time to get back in shape after baby]
      4. Childbirth does a number on your pelvic floor. For a baby to emerge, muscles in the vagina stretch an incredible amount, and some tearing may occur. The muscles may be very weak, painful, and difficult to control. Pelvic pain, urinary or bowel/gas incontinence can result. If you tear a muscle in your shoulder, it is likely you would consider rehabilitation to get stronger, more flexible and functional. Your pelvic floor deserves the same attention! Pelvic floor rehabilitation can help you recover and get back on track.
      5. Having sex may not be easy. Fatigue, time constraints, lack of privacy and changes in libido commonly hinder the sex life of new parents. For many women, pain is an important limiting factor. Remember No. 4 above? Scar tissue and injured muscles may be the culprit for much of the pain symptoms. During your six-week OB visit, if the pelvic exam is painful and the idea of sex seems scary, ask your OB or midwife to refer you for pelvic floor PT to improve the health and flexibility of the tissues.
       
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    • His relationship with his grandchildren wasn't what this mom had envisioned, but it turns out it was what they needed.
      My dad had spent the last several years very unwell, and my mother spent a lot of her time taking care of him. That is a difficult situation for any family, but it is even more difficult when the person you are caring for continuously makes choices that contribute to his bad health. And so, although he was a man we loved, the result was a team of fairly frustrated family members.
      My biggest frustration was trying to understand why he didn’t make choices that would allow him to be involved more fully in the lives of his grandchildren. He adored each and every one of them. Every morning he asked my mother which of his grandbabies was going to visit that day. He had frequent visits from his collection of loving grandkids, who called him The Gaffer. Kids would disappear into his man cave and they’d have the place trashed instantly—toys everywhere, cushions off the couches and the TV channel changed to their station. Every visit was a kid invasion into The Gaffer’s space. Interestingly, he was not at all bothered by the noise or chaos. He was never impatient with them, and he certainly never snapped at any child. Visits ended with hugs, kisses and “I love you.”
      I felt the relationship wasn’t good enough because he didn’t actually do anything with my children. His illness made it so he couldn’t—that pesky illness that didn’t have to be there. My dad never read to the children and certainly never played a board game or made a puzzle with them. He didn’t take them out for walks or do any of the other things I see active grandparents doing with their grandchildren. It made me sad that he was missing out. And so were my kids.
      Apparently, I was wrong. A couple of weeks after his death, my nine-year-old daughter emerged from her bedroom at midnight to share a drawing of him. Included in the illustration were several messages and statements, one for each day since he had died. The most striking message to me was, “I loved EVERYTHING about you.”
      All that time I thought he wasn’t doing anything with his grandchildren, he was very actively doing the thing that was most important to them. He was loving them. And it was all they needed. 
       
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    • Does your family live far away? One mom offers tips on how to build your own support team.
      Maybe you always knew you’d wind up in Chicago. Maybe Chicago is the last place you thought you’d be when you started raising a family (insert raised hand here). In either case, Chicago is home now, and for me, the distance to my own family never felt as great as when I started having kids of my own.
      While I still feel pangs of jealousy when I hear another mom talk about dropping off her kids at her sister’s house for impromptu afternoon cousin playdates or romantic long weekends away while doting grandparents coddle a new baby, I’ve come to terms with living in the city with no local family.
      Besides doing a lot of Facetime with family all over the country, I’ve found a few strategies that have helped make the transition to parenthood in the city a bit more manageable.
      Create your own local support system. Find other new parents! I do not know what I would have done without my mom friends in the early days when milk and poop and sleep (or lack thereof) consumed my life. It can be isolating having a baby (especially during a long Chicago winter), but don’t isolate yourself. Whether you plan to stay at home or return to work, take advantage of those early weeks and months of parenthood to seek out new friends through NPN New Moms Groups, Park District classes, and “mom & me” yoga classes. The bond you share is universal, and fellow new parents could become friends for life—and willingly dine out with you at 4:45 p.m.!
      Save the date. Make plans to see your family. I always like to have my next family visit on the calendar, even if it is months in advance. Although I don’t see my family every week, or every month, it helps knowing my own little family will reunite with my larger family at some point in the foreseeable future. 
      Take care of you. When there’s no “easy” child care around in the form of longtime friends or family, it’s easy to stop prioritizing activities that require leaving your babe. Don’t neglect yourself or your pre-baby relationships because you feel like you can’t get out. You can. And you should! Swap favors with those new mom friends. Find a mother’s helper to give you a break during the day to shower or check email. Build a bench of trusted babysitters that you and your child/ren feel comfortable with. Take care of yourself and make time for yourself so you can better take care of the ones who depend on you!
      The city has endless resources to offer new parents. Whether you’re making a home here permanently or just stopping along the way, you’re not alone! As the saying goes, “You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.” In some ways, being forced to build your own support system when you have a new baby can be a blessing in disguise!
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    • Nobody tells you about all the anxieties and weird conversations you'll have when you have twins.
      Congratulations on your double whammies! You are in for the best and most challenging adventure of your lives! Here is some information I wish I had heard from other twin parents before mine were born.
      Instead of taking turns with your spouse at night, you will both be up. All night. One baby will wake up first, and, after feeding, rocking and gingerly placing the first back into the crib (while holding your breath and crossing your fingers), the second baby suddenly will wake up. It is as if their cribs are booby-trapped, and you now face another screaming baby, who will certainly wake up the first baby, continuing the cycle. Eventually, they will adapt to some type of schedule (hopefully the same schedule!), and you will either get your sleep or perfect your caffeine regimen. Each month seems to get a little easier.
      Another thing they won’t tell you is how guilty you will feel about not being able to hold/feed/snuggle/bathe/change both babies at the same time. You will worry about their head shapes from lying down too much and they aren’t getting the same amount of attention and human contact. You will worry they aren’t eating the same amounts or pooping the same amounts, and one has a funky rash when the other one doesn’t, etc. because it is only natural to compare them.
      You will be concerned that one rolls over first, one sits up or crawls first, and one starts communicating first. You will be anxious about the twin who doesn’t pave the way and wonder what is wrong and how you have failed that baby. Those feelings subside over time. I vividly remember my anxiety when my son only said, “Yayaya” while my daughter had a handful of words, but now, at age four, he is actually the more verbal child. They will certainly follow their own independent developmental schedules!
      Finally, you will humor anyone at Target and the grocery store and your neighborhood and the park who stops you to ask if they are twins and marvel at how lucky and blessed you are. People swarm to babies in general, but with twins they just can’t help themselves and lose all control of their social filters. They ask bold questions like, “Were they born naturally?” “Did you do IVF?” (I even had an older man approach me during a walk and ask me, “How did you get them out of you?”). You will summon all the politeness you can muster to respond. Lately, I’ve taken the approach that anytime someone says something bold or makes me uncomfortable, I classify it as a story to tell at a cocktail party…if I can stay awake long enough to tell it.
      Congratulations and best of luck with your double blessings. Remember, life gets easier! Keep your sense of humor, and you will have twice as many good stories to tell along the way.
       
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    • How to foster empathy and quell resentment in siblings of kids with developmental differences.
      Being the sibling of a child with a developmental disability, learning challenge or other special need can be complicated.   As with any sibling relationship, these brothers and sisters will play a variety of roles throughout life; playmate, confidant, teacher, protector, friend, enemy, follower and role model. Sibling relationships are often the longest-lasting relationships, and the “typical” sibling’s role will change over time, often taking on many of the concerns around caregiving that had been their parents’ jurisdiction during childhood. With over 4.5 million people with special needs in the United States, that leaves many brothers and sisters with a wide range of concerns and need for support.    So what can we, as parents, do to support our “typical” children as they face a long-term journey with their special-needs sibling?    Expect typical behavior—this includes conflict.
      Normal conflict is a part of healthy social development, even if it is difficult to watch. Typically developing children, like all children, get angry, misbehave and fight with their siblings sometimes. While it may make our lives more difficult, telling them “You should know better” or “It is your job to compromise” can result in feelings of guilt and undue pressure on the typical child.    Have the same expectations around chores and responsibilities, to the extent possible and reasonable.
      Holding all children to similar expectations promotes independence and helps quell resentment that often stems from having two sets of expectations.    Celebrate the achievements of everyone in the family.
      Having a child with special needs in the family makes attending events more challenging. As much as possible, one child’s special needs should not steal the spotlight from another child’s achievements. Acknowledging milestones of other children often requires arranging respite resources, creative problem-solving and flexibility on the part of all family members.    The greatest influence on a child’s understanding of his or her sibling with special needs is the parent’s perspective. The meaning and purpose we find in life’s challenges has a greater impact on our well-being than the challenges themselves. Parents who find and utilize information and resources, and whose interpretation of their child’s disability is infused with peace and grace, model a healthy interpretation for all of their children.
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    • How to teach your kids respect for all religions, including the faiths of their parents.
      After we got engaged and heard an ongoing chorus of well wishes and congratulations, the first question came—then another and another, always from different people, typically those we had never expected. It was shocking. After all, the way we planned to raise our interfaith children, who didn’t even exist yet, was none of their business. But questions are inevitable when you have an interfaith family.
      My husband was raised Jewish and I was brought up in a Catholic home, but to be perfectly honest, neither of us is very religious. We respect the traditions, celebrate the holidays, but that’s about where it stops. Both of us are more comfortable living our lives in a way that shows compassion and respect for all people instead of sticking to a religious doctrine, one of the main reasons we fell in love with each other in the first place. And those are the values we try to model and instill in our young boys—ideals that almost every religion celebrates and encourages.
      It is easy to make these statements, but much harder to put them into action. So here are some tips we found that foster the growth and development of our interfaith family.
      Listen to each other. As in all marriages, communication is key. When there is a complex situation, such as blending two religions, there are many different viewpoints to acknowledge and address. Don’t be afraid to express how passionate you are about something, whether it is decorating a Christmas tree, attending Passover Seder or baptizing a child.
      Compromise. This is important for any family situation, especially when dealing with faith, which tends to be a highly emotional topic. We had a few instances of holidays overlapping, such as when Christmas fell during Hanukkah. By compromising, we were able to spend time with both our families, not choosing one over the other.
      Do what’s right for your family. Attending weekly religious services isn’t a priority for us. And that’s OK. Having a library filled with different children’s books that explain various holidays is a priority for us. And that’s OK, too. Just as you use parenting techniques that work best for your family (bottle vs. breast feeding, helicopter vs. free range parenting, etc.), the same is true for celebrating your faiths.
      Make your own traditions. Every winter, we set up our Christmas tree next to our menorah. Our Elf on the Shelf plays with our Mensch on the Bench. We love the fact that our family’s traditions are unique and respectful of different religions and are not determined by anyone but us.
      We have almost finished our fourth year of parenting, and our little guys know more about both our faiths than we did at their age. To us, that is a huge success. And when they ask us to stop off for matzoh ball soup after a frigid Easter egg hunt? Even better.
      Read more...
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