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    • Potty training regression, or the loss of daytime toileting skills, can be frustrating for kids and parents. A Chicago pediatrician offers ideas on causes and how to deal with it.
      While nighttime control often occurs years later, mastering daytime bladder and bowel control is a process which takes, on average, six months for a child to complete. Urine and stool accidents are common during those months and should be expected.
      Toilet training regression, however, is defined as loss of these daytime skills long after the process is complete. It is understandably frustrating and concerning for parents when their child, several months diaper-free, suddenly refuses to use the toilet, begins having frequent accidents during the day, or develops some other unusual elimination behaviors.
      [Related: Best Chicago playgrounds for the potty-training toddler]
      If these daytime skills were truly mastered before the onset of regression, the first step is to rule out medical causes by meeting with your pediatrician. If the doctor determines there is no physical cause for the regression, emotionally stressful changes in your child’s life should be considered.
      Some common examples include: 
      Fears (monsters, loud flushing noise, falling into the toilet, being sucked down the toilet)  Illness of the child or a family member  Pregnancy or birth of a new sibling   Change in childcare environment  Moving to a new home  Parents’ marriage ending In such situations, it is important to remember that rather than lashing out physically with violence or tantrums, your child has found a relatively healthy way to cope with this stress. Using the following approach, however, you can help your child find even better ways to manage.
      Tell them you’ve noticed the change
      Do this with as much ambivalence in your voice as possible. Shame and guilt will likely be your child’s first reaction to learning their behavior has not gone unnoticed. It is therefore important you remove any hint of judgement from your tone and choice of words.
      Talk to them
      First, explain you aren’t mad at them, and it isn’t their fault. Next, ask if they know why this is happening. Depending on the verbal skills of your child, you may not be in the habit of asking their opinion yet. Even if they don’t have the words to explain what they are feeling, hearing you are interested in what they think is empowering. If they do offer any type of meaningful response, listen carefully to what they say, thank them for telling you, and sympathize with them as much as possible. Tell them you are proud of the good work they have done up to this point and that you know they will do better next time.
      [Related: How to make potty training your toddler fun. Yes, fun.]
      Brainstorm creative solutions alone as parents and also with your child
      Any practical steps to solving the problem are worth trying. Removing fear by making the toileting fun with songs or games. Spend special time together with your child separately from the new baby. Explore the childcare facility bathroom with your child and separately discuss the issues you’re having with their childcare or caregivers. Surround the potty with familiar objects or toys. Positively reinforce successes with sticker charts or other reward systems. If your child contributes any ideas, be certain to try them as well.
      Consider taking a break
      If your creative solutions don’t seem to be working (or, worse: creating stress and anxiety surrounding toileting), consider taking a break and returning to pullups for a few weeks. Sometimes taking a backseat for a bit allows your child to recognize they are responsible for learning this important skill. Encouraging this independence can be liberating for your child and lead to lasting success.
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    • Returning to work after maternity leave can be difficult, but guilt is one thing you can leave at the door. Here's how.
      Jill*  came to see me for therapy at the end of her maternity leave. She had never experienced anxiety before and was suddenly suffering from shortness of breath, racing heart, difficulty breathing and intense feelings of guilt in anticipation of returning to work and leaving her newborn son. 
      While the experiences, conditions and circumstances of working vary, many women, like Jill, experience guilt—feeling they are causing harm or doing something wrong.
      Mothers often strive to meet unrealistic expectations of parenting. When they don’t reach these unattainable goals, intense feelings of guilt arise. Here are some of the most common reasons mothers feel guilty, specifically when returning to work, followed by tips on how to overcome these feelings.
      Guilt #1: Leaving my baby with someone else 
      “What’s the point of having a baby if I am going to leave him every day?” Jill asked. Often working mothers feel guilty leaving their babies in the care of others. However, most children under the age of 5 years old receive childcare from someone other than a parent, whether through day care centers, nurseries or with nannies. 
      Infants and children do well with a loving caregiver, whether a parent or another provider. In fact, your child may actually benefit from a healthy and loving relationship with another adult. Furthermore, research suggests that using childcare can have social, psychological and financial benefits for both children and parents.
      Guilt #2: I’m not good enough 
      Many mothers strive for perfection, which sets them up to feel disappointed, frustrated and ashamed. Rebecca* was looking forward to returning to work after being on maternity leave with her newborn son and toddler but soon discovered that she was not the same employee as before. It was no longer realistic for her to be the first one in the office and the last to leave. 
      Whether you are elated or anxious to be back at work, it is important to be realistic and patient with yourself. You are not the same person as you were before you left, and that is okay. Additionally, you are returning to work with new skills gained in motherhood, such as multitasking, delegation, time-management, saying “no” and fully committing when you say “yes.”  
      Guilt #3: Failing at work-life balance
      When you think of work-life balance you probably think of equality in both work and life. Unfortunately, this rarely happens. Instead, think about work-life balance in more flexible and realistic terms—sometimes work triumphs over life and other times life wins over work.
      When you are at work, try to be 100% focused. When you’re home, try to be 100% present—don’t check work emails or take work calls. If the work-life wins and losses feel about even, then you have achieved work-life balance. 
      Keep in mind that working is not the same as self-care. You still need time for yourself, whether taking a workout class, grabbing dinner with friends or squeezing in a manicure. 
      Try these tips when returning to work:
      Choose all of your outfits for the week before returning, ensuring the clothing fits your body now. If you are breastfeeding, practice pumping at home. Find out the best place to pump at work and pack all of your supplies the night before. When coworkers ask how you are doing, have one short and positive line ready, such as “It’s good to be back.” Take breaks and call your partner or supportive person to hear a friendly voice Place a photo of your baby on your desk. Ask your caregiver to occasionally send photos, but try not to FaceTime. Learn to say  “no” and not over-commit. Spend quality time with your baby when you return home—the laundry and dishes can wait. Take time for yourself. Find your own version of balance. * Names and identifying information have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.
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    • Students with disabilities in private schools are not entitled to an IEP but there are a few options available.
      As special education attorneys, we frequently receive calls from parents who want to know whether their children with special needs are entitled to any services or accommodations at private schools. Unlike students in public schools, students with disabilities in private schools are generally not entitled to an IEP under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), however, there are a few options available that parents may want to explore.  
      Individual Service Plans: The IDEA does establish a “proportionate share” arrangement between school districts and private schools. This means that public school districts must utilize a certain share of their funding for children attending private schools within the district’s boundaries. Through the proportionate share arrangement, private schools and the local districts conduct annual meetings and discussions regarding what types of special education and/or related services they will provide. The local school district will then draft an “individual service plan” or “ISP” for the child. An ISP is less detailed than an IEP, but will document the types of service provided, as well as the location and frequency of the service. 
      To find out what type of service a school district will be providing to a private school student, a parent should contact the district administrative office of the school district in which the private school is located. If your child is not yet eligible for special education, the district in which the private school is located is also responsible for conducting the initial case study evaluation for potential eligibility.
      Part-Time Attendance: In Illinois, we have a unique section of our School Code, 105 ILCS 5/14-6.01, which allows students with disabilities in private schools to also enroll part-time in their local school district of residence to receive special education services. A request for part-time attendance must be submitted by a parent to the school district where the child resides. 
      If a parent chooses part-time attendance, the resident district of the student is responsible for all evaluations and IEP services. However, the actual IEP services depend on the amount of time the student attends the public school and is generally determined by the public school, in conjunction with the IEP team. For example, if the child needs a specialized reading class for a learning disability, the public school has the discretion to determine what class the child will attend. The public school is not required to create special classes or services to accommodate the part-time attendance schedule.  
      Section 504/ADA Accommodations/Services: Children with disabilities in private schools are entitled to receive reasonable accommodations/ modifications through Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973, if the school receives federal funding, and under the Americans with Disabilities Amendments Act (ADA) even if the school receives no federal funding. While many private schools may also offer special services for children with disabilities, to attract new families and keep families together, they are not required to provide actual services under Section 504 or the ADA, just accommodations/modifications. Some private schools will create an “accommodations plan” for the child to document the accommodations, however they are not required to do so. 
      Lara Cleary and Jennifer Hansen are partners with the law firm of Hansen & Cleary, LLC, a boutique law practice focusing on the representation of children and families, individuals with disabilities, medical and mental health practitioners, private schools, and other non-profit agencies in Chicagoland and throughout Illinois. 
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    • Four Chicago date-night ideas that break the dinner-and-drinks mold, including kayaking and magic shows.
      If you're like me, date nights look something like this: drinks, dinner, repeat. My husband and I rarely plan ahead, opting to snag an OpenTable reservation somewhere interesting mere hours before the sitter arrives. A few weeks ago this consisted of an incredibly lucky last-minute opening at Parachute, followed by drinks at Ludlow Liquors. If you wind up at Parachute, don't miss its famous Bing Bread—crispy on the outside and loaded with potato, bacon and scallion. Slather on the sour cream butter if you really want to gild the lily. 
      Hoping to break out of the dinner and drinks rut, I've been brainstorming some new and fun date night ideas for the spring and summer. I've also been mulling over some past dates that could use a refresh. Some are outdoorsy, some are inside, but they're all immersive experiences that are uniquely Chicago. Feel free to "borrow" them and let me know how it goes!
      Chicago Magic Lounge
      This requires some advance planning since shows sell out, but the experience at Chicago Magic Lounge lives up to the hype. The space is gorgeous and there's magic everywhere you turn—even the bartenders perform tricks! Dining options here are limited to a small plates menu. For something heartier, try nearby Hopleaf or Immm Rice and Beyond. On Sundays, Chicago Magic Lounge offers The Family Show, a great opportunity if you can't book a sitter and want to go somewhere that satisfies both the adults and the kids.
      Montrose Point Bird Sanctuary
      Who says date night has to be in the evening? If you and your significant other can swing it, head out for an early-morning date at the Montrose Bird Sanctuary. Bring your binoculars to catch a glimpse of some of the 300 species of birds that have been spotted at this world-famous (really) birding destination. Grab coffee, pastries or sandwiches for a picnic, from nearby Dollop Coffee Co. Blessed with a sitter for the whole day? Chicago Architecture Foundation gives tours of nearby Graceland Cemetery. See the final resting places of Chicago's movers and shakers in one of the most serene and beautiful spots in the city. Trust me, it's truly awe-inspiring.
      Dusek's and Thalia Hall
      This is one of my favorite date-night combos and I wish we did it more often! Enjoy dinner at Dusek's in Pilsen, then head upstairs into one of Chicago's grandest concert venues, Thalia Hall. Granted landmark status in 1989, Thalia Hall was originally built in 1982 and modeled after the Prague Opera House. Plenty of wow factor but still intimate enough to enjoy smaller acts. My pick for an upcoming show? The Jayhawks on July 13. After the show head to the basement bar, Punch House, for a nightcap.  
      Moonlight Kayak Tour
      One of the best ways to see the Chicago River is at night when there are fewer boats and the water is calmer. Wateriders offers a "Moonlight Paddle" tour through downtown Chicago. Enjoy the river when it's all lit up by the lights from bordering skyscrapers. It starts at 8:30pm so there's plenty of time to grab dinner near their dock. Try The Hampton Social for all kinds of fresh seafood like oysters, lobster rolls and crab legs. None of it caught in the river (of course) but it will hopefully still put you in a seafaring mood.
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    • Dr. Thomas Phelan of 1-2-3 Magic offers parenting advice for adjusting parents' attitudes, which will change children's attitudes as well.
      Anyone who is a parent knows that the job is tough. Really tough. If we moms and dads were really honest with ourselves, we'd have to admit that we had almost no idea what we were getting into when we brought that first baby home.
      The old saying about kids not coming with a training manual is true. And the problem of "What do I do with this kid?" is intensified for parents in our contemporary rush-rush, worry-worry world. The problem is that when parents don't quite know what they're doing and they're too busy to find out, they tend to shoot from the hip. Shooting from the hip can lead to two opposite, out-of-control parenting styles, neither of which is good for children. Let's call these two styles "Underdog" parenting and "Big Dog" parenting.
      The Underdog parent is a pushover. The children run the house and mom and dad tend to take a back seat. Where Big Dog parents are involved, however, it's the adults who intimidate and it's the kids who stay out of the way. Big Dog parents are T-Rexes in disguise.
      Underdog parents' behavior with their children is motivated primarily by anxiety and guilt. "Don't want to do anything to offend the children" and "If the kids are mad at me I must have done something wrong" are the overriding thoughts. Big Dog parents' behavior with their children, on the other hand, is dominated primarily by irritation and anger. "Because I said so!" and "Do what I tell you or else!" are the predominant themes.
      Underdog parents whimper, while Big Dog parents bite. Underdoggers plead with their kids like this: "Come on now, honey, don't you think it's time for bed? Why can't you just do this one little thing for me?" Translation (in other words, what does the youngster really hear?): "Even though you're my child, you're too strong and powerful for me. I haven't the slightest idea how to control you other than begging." Whimpering tells the children that they—the kids—are really running the show and that their parent is basically weak and helpless.
      Big Dog parents bite. They can bite emotionally as well as physically. Here's an emotional "sound bite": "What the hell's the matter with you!? You better start listening to me or else! How many times do I have to tell you?" Translation (in other words, what does the youngster really hear?): "You're no good, kid, and you never will be. If it weren't for me, you'd be in even more hot water." The Big Dog parent may throw in a spanking after the lecture to make sure the point is driven home. Big Dog parents bite.
      Not surprisingly, these two opposite forms of out-of-control parenting produce two different results. Kids from Underdog parents tend to become adults with a robust sense of entitlement. They think the world owes them a living and they try to push other people around. When life doesn't treat them like they think it should (which is inevitable), they blame everyone else for their misery.
      Our children from the T-Rex moms and dads, though, will become adults with a deep sense of insecurity and unworthiness. They'll think everyone else is better than they are and they'll tend to withdraw. Even if they do succeed at certain things, they won't be able to give themselves credit for what they've done. 
      How can we interrupt this tragic cycle? Well, there is a book with an odd title, called 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12. In this book, parents will understand that their parenting job consists of three things: 1) controlling obnoxious behavior, 2) encouraging good behavior and 3) strengthening relationships with the children. And yes, specific, effective, tried-and-true and fairly simple strategies are provided in 1-2-3 Magic for accomplishing these three parenting tasks. The program is evidence-based—it works.
      But something stands between Underdog parents and their ability to adopt new strategies like 1-2-3 Magic. The same thing, in different form, stands in the way of the Big Doggers.
      It's their attitude. It's their view of parenting itself. Both of these kinds of impulsive, out-of-control parents need a major attitude adjustment before they can learn to become decent parents. Yes, useful advice for managing children is out there, but the Underdog folks and the Big Dog folks have to learn how to think differently before they can use these helpful suggestions.
      The attitude adjustments required here fall into three main categories: 1) appreciating the "rights" of family members, 2) understanding the effects of different parenting styles, and 3) accepting the need to switch to deliberate, thoughtful parenting strategies. Let's look at each of these.
      Rights. Underdog moms and dads need to understand that not only do they have a right to be a parent, but it is in everyone's best interests if they—the adults—do set limits. Kids not liking limits is normal. It is not a tragedy and it is not due to parental error. Big Doggers, on the other hand, need to appreciate that their children have rights. The kids have a right not to fear physical or emotional abuse from their own parents. Big Doggers need to consider the possibility that a home should not always revolve around the whims of the largest mongrel in the joint Effects of parenting style. Underdoggers need to realize that repeated parental whimpering creates Entitled Super Brats. Big Doggers need to realize that repeated biting eliminates kids' sense of self-worth. Deliberate parenting. Both types of parents, Big Dog and Underdog, need to accept the necessity of switching from an automatic/impulsive to a more deliberate/thoughtful approach to parenting. It's not that hard. "Parenting" primarily out of irritation and anger is not really parenting. Neither is "parenting" primarily out of anxiety or guilt. Both Big Doggers and Underdoggers need to see that simply engaging in emotional self-indulgence is bad for everyone in the family—including themselves. Good parenting advice is already out there. 1-2-3 Magic offers a ton of good suggestions. But for many moms and dads, the main thing that stands in the way of their becoming decent parents is a straightforward—though not easy—attitude adjustment.
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    • It's not that this Chicago dad doesn't want his son to go to college. He just believes that spending money on family travel is a better investment.
      It was February 2016—less than three months before our son was born—when my wife and I attended NPN’s Preparing for Parenthood: Workshops & Expo at the Erikson Institute. Among the people we spoke with during that event was someone from Bright Start College Savings. As we flipped through the pamphlets on the table separating us from this man in a bright orange shirt, he explained how 529s (“tax-advantaged savings plans that help put money toward your future student’s education” if you’ve never heard of these) work and the benefits of starting to save for our son’s college tuition and fees as soon as possible. I had heard of these plans, but I never put much thought into them because, well, I never had anyone’s education to save for until a couple years ago.
      So after the event, this frantic father-to-be who was—and I suppose still is—obsessed with finances, starting crunching numbers to determine if we could afford another hit to my paycheck (adding a child to your employee health insurance isn’t cheap). “How much biweekly paycheck deduction would I need to take so we could save X amount of dollars by the time our son reaches college age?” was the question that kept bouncing around in my head.
      But now, with our son quickly approaching his 2nd birthday, we’ve long stopped worrying about how we’re going to pay for his college. And it’s not because we don’t care about education (keep reading) or that we’re rich (far from it). It’s because we’ve decided not to save a penny. Why, you might be wondering?
      Because we would prefer to spend money on travel.
      My wife and I have advanced degrees—and the student loan debt to prove it—and I've been a college English instructor for nearly a decade, so we completely appreciate the value of education. But from our perspective, us not starting a college fund will not prevent our son from attending the college of his choice or earning a degree or becoming a happy and successful adult. If he decides to go the college route when high school ends, he’s free to take out loans like Mommy and Daddy did, get a job to help pay for school or, better yet, earn a scholarship.
      Some may consider that a harsh approach, as our son could end up going into more debt because he doesn’t have the resources to meet rising educational costs, but we refuse to stare at reports of rising college costs and panic about whether he will have the funds to cover tuition and fees starting in 2034.
      Our focus is on the now and teaching him that the world is much more than just the street, city, state and country where he lives. We could never fully explain to him the wonders of Paris, my wife’s hometown, by reading him a book about the Eiffel Tower or making a crêpe recipe. So we took him there. We couldn’t fully explain what it feels like to attend a luau in Honolulu by clicking open a YouTube video. So we took him there. We couldn’t fully explain what it feels like to play on the beach in the Dominican Republic. So we took him there.
      We understand our son probably won’t remember these trips, but by continuing to make travel a priority in our lives over the next 16 years—or however how much longer he lives with us—we’re hoping to provide a valuable education that can’t be obtained by attending a lecture, cracking open a book or firing up the Internet. There is nothing like experiencing new places and cultures, trying new foods and better understanding other people’s perspectives on the world.
      We would much rather see that type of growth from our son than to see a college fund grow.
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    • Take the stress out of planning a Chicago kids birthday party with these four great birthday party location ideas from a Chicago mom.
      Birthday party planning can be stressful. I get it. I have nine-year-old twin boys and we’ve had our fair share of big, blowout birthday parties. For a few years, we invited all 60(!) of their classmates. Thankfully, our days of parties are over. Now we try to invite a few close friends for a special activity like mini-golf or Great America. If you’re just getting started with your planning, you’re in luck. I’m sharing my recommendations for the best parties I’ve planned, researched or attended.
      Emily Oaks Nature Center
      All year round, Emily Oaks Nature Center in Skokie will help you host an unforgettable outdoor-themed event. We hosted a summer party there a few years ago where attendees were “transformed” into mice and went on a nature walk through the woods where they hid from foxes, made a mouse house and found mouse food. Later we went back inside to make a woodland-themed craft. The indoor party room is spacious and you can bring in any food or cake you want. We got catering from Brown's Chicken because they offer really affordable options including pasta. Emily Oaks has a nice outdoor playground if you want to continue the party or entertain children waiting for a parent to pick them up.
      The choices for party themes at Emily Oaks have so much variety. They have themes built around birds, bugs, bees, coyotes—you name it! There are even nighttime options like storytelling around a campfire and roasting s’mores. Their parties are perfect for kids age 3-10. Activities are limited to 25 children but the party room can hold 70—plenty of space for parents or family members to hang out and celebrate along with the birthday kid and their friends.
      Facets Multimedia
      What kid wouldn’t want to see their name on the marquee of a movie theater? We hosted one of our favorite parties at Facets and I highly recommend it, especially for large groups. They’ll curate a custom screening of award-winning short films from their Chicago International Children's Film Festival archive. Optional add-ons include popcorn and drinks. After the screening, head upstairs to the party room where you can serve food and cake. If you’re looking for a crowd-pleasing option, Sweet Mandy B’s is less than 5 minutes away, making pre-party pickup a breeze.
      Art Side Out Studio and Mask Shop
      I recently drove by this storefront art studio and literally did a double take. I had to pull over to write it down so I could look it up later. Turns out this creative mask shop is also the perfect place to host a birthday party. Teaching artists will assist groups from 5-45 in creating unique and individual masks. Transform into a butterfly, a bear, a dragon—the sky’s the limit.
      Farther north on Western Avenue is my family’s favorite frozen custard shop, Lickity Split. They cater special events and their custard is so delicious. Need to tire out the troops after a few hours of intense art-making? Head to nearby Indian Boundary Park for a romp through the old-fashioned wooden playground (bigger and better than Oz Park) or explore the new nature play center. Then go home and take a well-deserved nap.
      Cradles to Crayons
      Have a child who is exceptionally altruistic? Eschew the traditional birthday party and have friends and family join you for a volunteer shift at Cradles to Crayons. They provide children from birth through age 12 living in homeless or low-income situations with the essential items they need to thrive—at home, at school and at play. Children as young as 5 can help sort donations in their warehouse. If you’re looking for a way to give but not ready to ditch a party completely, have guests bring toy donations for Lurie Children’s Hospital. They take gift donations all year, not just during the holidays.
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    • Free, cheap and fun ways to spend winter weekends in Chicago with special needs kids.
      Is your whole family about to lose their minds to cabin fever? Don’t let it get you down! There is so much free or cheap indoor and outdoor fun to be had. Here are some activities you and your special-needs kiddo can enjoy.
      Around town activities
      Free museum days Adler Planetarium, Chicago Children’s Museum, dancing with the kiddos at the Chicago Cultural Center, sensory Saturday at the Field Museum, the Shedd Aquarium and the Chicago History Museum.
      Conservatory exploration Explore beautiful plant life at the Lincoln Park Conservatory and the Garfield Park Conservatory. It’s always free and it feels like you are visiting the tropics!
      Live theater See a play that will accommodate those who have sensory issues at Lifeline Theatre and Chicago Children’s Theatre.
      Music Get out and do some serious dancing with your kiddos! Beat Kitchen has a whole kids' concert series!
      Indoor water parks Splash Landings Aquatic Center in Glenview, The Water Works in Schaumburg and Pelican Harbor Aquatic Park in Bolingbrook
      Trampoline park Sky High Sports offers discounted open play every Tuesday just for your special-needs kiddos!
      Obstacle and agility courses For those kiddos who crave climbing and hanging, check out Ultimate Ninjas for open-play weekends.
      Outreach play Misericordia offers a great play program that gives you a chance to meet and mingle with other parents while volunteers play with your child.
      Free play KEEN Chicago: Kids Enjoy Exercise Now!
      Chicago Park District's special rec programs CPD has a lot of available programs for our kiddos. You do have to sign up early as spaces fill very quickly.
      Sledding and skating Try sledding at one of the Chicago Park District parks. Our favorite hills are Oz Park, Horner Park, Gompers Park and Warren Park. Get skating in at Maggie Daley ice skating ribbon, Warren Park and Wrigley Field.
      Indoor home activities
      Sensory bins Create one or a few sensory bins using Insta-Snow, water beads, dried beans, shaving cream or cotton balls to hide and search for treasures.
      Dress up! Put those old costumes to good use and get dressed up for some pretend play. Have a very posh tea party, get rescued by your favorite little superhero or have your kiddo cure all of his or her stuffed animals boo-boos!
      Dance party Turn on that music and work out some serious energy! We have different genres programmed on Pandora, like Disney, Kidz Bop, Laurie Berkner, Fresh Beat Band and School House Rock, to name a few!
      Build a blanket fort and camp inside Make some s’mores Rice Krispies treats with the kiddos and heat up some hot chocolate!
      Family game day Play Twister, Charades, Old Maid, Hungry Hungry Hippos or whatever you have on hand to enjoy together!
      Art day Hold a painting party and drink apple cider from fancy glasses. Try re-creating a famous artist’s piece using paint, construction paper, beans, yarn or pasta!
      Winter can be lots of fun if you get a little creative! Enjoy!
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    • How to prevent the rampant flu virus from infecting your family, and what to do if it does.
      To keep your family healthy during the rest of the winter season, it’s important to keep our immune systems in tip-top shape. Here are some ways to keep your immune system boosted so those colds and flus don’t get you down.
      Know what works and what doesn’t
      First, understand that antibiotics are ineffective against the flu because influenza is a virus. Medications that are not effective against the flu can cause more harm than good, especially to our gut health. What do you do if you or your child is home sick with the flu?
      Tried-and-true remedies
      The most effective ways to treat the flu include rest and consuming fluids. Taking out sugar and dairy can be helpful as sugar suppresses immunity up to six hours after ingesting. This makes our immune system work harder, thus taking longer to rid the cold and flu. This is just a short phase, but definitely helpful to speed up the process. Using humidifiers to add moisture into the air and diffusing essential oils both will help ease congestion by opening up the airways.
      Draw a bath
      Soak in an Epsom salt bath before you reach for an expensive over-the-counter drug. This naturally-occurring mineral will ease muscle aches, improve circulation and reduce the length of symptoms as well as help you get a good night’s rest, so you can recover faster. Some doctors say it helps spur the cellular rejuvenation process called vasodilation, which can in turn speed healing by detoxifying your body, combating the illness faster. Children under 60 lbs can soak in a bath of ½ cup of salts; over 60 lb can add another ½ cup. Adding 5-10 drops of lavender to the salt bath also has a calming effect: it can help ease body aches, enhance blood circulation, promote relaxation and ease upper respiratory distress.
      Go (coco)nuts
      Another natural way to fend off the flu and stay healthy this winter is to drink raw coconut water. Coconut water help builds your immune system and makes it stronger by cleaning your body of bacteria. It’s also anti-fungal and anti-viral, and is a great source of electrolytes needed to replenish the body. Plus, it’s cheaper and healthier to buy raw coconut water than Pedialyte.
      Take prevention measures
      Be courteous of others and help curb the spread of flu. Wash hands often, using the proper technique (wet, lather, scrub, rinse, dry). Anti-bacterial soaps and gels just don’t cut it and, in fact, the FDA says: “they do little or nothing to make soap work any better,” and the industry has failed to prove they’re safe.
      Eat foods high in vitamin C
      They help the body produce collagen, which promotes the body’s natural healing process. Foods with the highest vitamin C levels? Camu camu berries, kiwis, red/green peppers, and guavas.
      Take vitamin D
      Some studies show that a deficiency increases your risk for colds and flus. As Chicago sees the full sun about 84 days out of the year, we need some extra vitamin D. My pediatrician recommends 2000 iu/ day for children.
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    • Have an IEP meeting coming up? These tips from a special education attorney and mom will make the process easier.
      After working as a special education teacher for a few years, I attended law school with the sole intention of becoming a special education attorney who represented parents of children with special needs. In 1998—right out of law school—I was lucky enough to get a job doing just that.
      For years, I attended hundreds of IEP meetings involving all types of special education issues. However, about five years ago, my perspective and practice were forever impacted when my own child was diagnosed with a disability. I now better understand the emotions, including the fear, uncertainty and anguish, that can come when your child has special needs.
      Following my child’s last IEP meeting, held at a time when she was really struggling in school, I decided to write down my best advocacy tips to share with anyone who asked. I hope that my varied experiences at IEP meetings can help others navigate the special education world for their own children: 
      Use private providers. The Individuals with Disabilities Education Improvement Act (IDEA) allows parents to bring private providers to IEP meetings to share their expertise about the child. These individuals, such as an OT, SLP or therapist, can provide the IEP team with great information for the creation of IEP goals, accommodations, modifications and when discussing placement options. The IDEA also allows parents to obtain private evaluations and requires school districts to consider the information at an IEP meeting. If you are looking for an evaluator, find one that has experience with school districts and will accompany you to an IEP meeting. An evaluator who is reluctant to attend an IEP meeting is not one that you want to spend your money on. Educate yourself. Learn your rights prior to attending IEP meetings with district personnel. Know the law, the procedures, and the special education terminology (there are a lot of acronyms). The Illinois State Board of Education’s website is a good place to start as it contains hundreds of informational memorandums. You can also access both the federal and State special education laws and administrative rules on that site. In my experience, district personnel respond more positively to parents they perceive as informed, interested and involved. Begin preparing early. Most school districts are willing to provide parents with draft copies of evaluations and goals in advance of an IEP meeting. Document your request in writing (more advice: always document everything in writing) and send the letter or e-mail a few weeks in advance of the meeting. I usually ask for the paperwork to be provided to me for a client at least five days in advance of the meeting. You can also develop your own agenda and issues for the meeting. Make copies for each member of the team.  Stay focused. The most common mistake we see from parents who have reached an impasse with a school district is that they try to accomplish too many things at one time. Recently, a friend who also happens to be a very successful litigation attorney asked me to review a seven-page letter to the district following her daughter’s IEP meeting. I edited the letter to 1.5 pages! Too much detail waters down your main issues. I’d have been surprised if district personnel could even get through half of the original seven pages. Parents need to determine what they really want. Other issues can be brought up later; you don’t have to worry about waiving them. Under the IDEA, an IEP meeting can be requested at any time. Do not be intimidated. The district IEP teams may, at times, seem voluminous and have a lot of varied or difficult opinions about your child. But who knows the child best? YOU! Parents should listen to the educational team and consider their recommendations, but should not be afraid to disagree. With that said, always be as kind and cooperative as possible. I have seen more parents get what they want with kindness and respect than by being rude and aggressive. Finally, if you are nervous, bring a support person to the IEP (spouse, other family member, friend) and ask them to take good notes.    Lara Cleary is a partner with the law firm of Hansen & Cleary, LLC, a boutique law practice focusing on the representation of children and families, individuals with disabilities, medical and mental health practitioners, private schools, and other non-profit agencies in Chicagoland and throughout Illinois. 
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    • Great activity suggestions for when you and your kids are stuck inside during the cold winter months.
      It’s that time of year: shortened days of sunlight, exhaustion from all the holidays and we’re stuck inside with little ones, ready to pull our hair out. How could anyone survive this, let alone enjoy it? Yes, these are tough days, but with a few helpful hints, we are going to have fun! It may just be changing up the same old routine with a few new and different things. Enjoy the time together and know spring will eventually return.
      Turn on the tunes
      I always put on music, as it changes the atmosphere and lifts the energy of the house. You don’t have to choose children’s music, either. Select something you like, perhaps the Beatles or Coldplay, and alternate. Declare a “dance party” and turn the volume up.
      Shed some light
      Next, I turn on all the lights and lamps. Light has been proven to lift our spirits, especially when we are missing hours of natural daylight that we had during the summer. When eating lunch, I light pillar candles and the children are fascinated by the dancing flame—same at dinner time.
      Plan a picnic
      Speaking of meals, I toss a blanket on the floor and we have a picnic inside. Then, when that meal is done, I use the same blanket (if there aren’t too many food spills) for a makeshift fort over the dining room table. Of course, you can put chairs together or other pieces of furniture, but I like draping a blanket over one end of the table to create a three-sided enclosed space. Toss in some pillows, flashlights, books, or whatever else you like.
      Get creative
      If your children are not napping, consider doing some table work, like “snow play.” Buy a box of instant potato flakes. Pour the box into a 9x13 cake pan or any container, and let them pretend it’s snow. Give them some measuring spoons, use sand toys from the summer, and if you add some water, the flakes get starchy and you can form little snowballs. Same with water, for “water play”: Pour warm water in a dish and give the kids spoons and small cups. Just remember to put a towel under the dish to catch splashing water.
      Raid the pantry
      Make some graham cracker “houses.” Yes, get out those stale graham crackers that no one wanted for a snack, dig up some store-bought frosting and sprinkles, and let the kids decorate the fronts of the crackers. Use frosting “cement” to stick crackers together, repeating until you’ve formed a cube.
      …and more!
      Other activities include browsing through photo albums or pictures and reliving the memories. Balloons make a great chasing game if you blow them up, and let them go. They dart, fly, and go in all different directions. Instead of designated screen time for one or two shows, consider combining it for a movie that day, especially if you have family videos you can watch.
      Laurie Empen created and leads Ms. Laurie’s Play Group in Lincoln Square. She earned a master’s degree in Child Development from Erikson Institute and continues to care for children and consult with families on issues of discipline, potty training, sensory concerns and more.
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    • Kids can get Seasonal Affective Disorder, too. How to detect it and how to help your child through it.
      As the lack of sunshine becomes a part of our daily lives, a certain gloom comes over many young people and is often assumed to be something ranging from “winter blues” to a depressive disorder called seasonal affective disorder (SAD).
      According to kidhealth.org, “SAD is a form of depression that follows a seasonal pattern; SAD appears and disappears around the same times each year. People with SAD usually have symptoms of depression as winter approaches and daylight hours become shorter.” Once spring arrives and the days become longer again, they feel relief from their symptoms and a return to their normal mood and level of energy.
      Surprisingly, there are people who experience SAD in reverse (apparently, summer is not an exciting time for everyone). The symptoms of SAD are a lot like depression, but the fact that SAD symptoms occur only for a few months each winter (for at least two years in a row) distinguishes it from other forms of depression. You may assume your child has “winter blues”—a common emotion for some Chicagoans this time of the year. But the problems caused by SAD, such as lower grades or less energy for socializing with friends, can affect their self-esteem and leave them feeling disappointed, isolated, and lonely, especially if they don’t realize what’s causing the changes in energy, mood, and motivation.
      It is imperative that as parents and caregivers, you are checking in with your child in order to provide enough examples to share with your pediatrician. If your child is diagnosed with SAD, here are a few tips that parents can do:
      Participate in your child’s treatment. Ask the doctor how you can best assist your child in managing their moods.
      Find quality time to build a sense of connection with your child. Alienation exacerbates SAD symptoms. Positive human connection increases their energy level.
      Assist with homework. Children with SAD may worry that they’re incapable of doing the schoolwork.Reassure them that your assistance is to be seen as support, not a handicap. You may also want to talk to the teachers and ask for extensions on certain assignments until things improve with treatment.
      Stick to a sleep routine. Encourage your child to maintain a regular bedtime every day to reap the mental health benefits of daylight hours.
      Though we can’t bring the sun down to warm and light up our winter days, we can make the best of the season by planning ahead on undesirable days. Do your research and get outside for some fresh air, plan a playdate, or have an indoor beach party with summer jams playing in the background!
      Lastly, to make those grey days more bearable, count down every week with a special event such as an outing to an exhibit, or to your favorite restaurant. Having something to look forward to will only help to distract not only your child, but everyone enduring the notorious Chicago winter.
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    • A Disney veteran dishes on ways to do Disney on a budget and with fewer lines and kid meltdowns.
      Planning a Disney vacation can be an overwhelming experience filled with a mixture of excitement and angst. Here are some tips I’ve learned over our many trips to Disneyland (DL) and Walt Disney World (WDW).
      Have a loose plan 
      Choose two to three things you want to accomplish each day, then go from there. I get input from my family then sketch out a general plan. You will definitely see and do more, but this allows you to plan FASTPASSES (line shortcut, free with your ticket). Consider nap/pool time back at the hotel in the afternoon when lines are longest and it is hottest. (This is easier at DL, but doable at WDW.) If princesses are important, consider a princess meal and make sure to book that reservation in advance by at least six months (WDW) or 60 days (DL).
      Beware of scary stuff 
      Characters or dark rides might scare the youngest kids unexpectedly. My kids love everything to do with characters. However, our friend’s daughter on our last trip was terrified of them. When we realized this at a character meal, I promptly let someone know, and the characters stayed clear of her. Characters with visible faces (as opposed to masks), like princesses, are sometimes are easier for these kids. Similarly, dark rides with loud noises can scare some kids. If your child is new to rides, try open-air rides before moving to dark rides. If loud noises bother them, consider bringing some ear protection like Baby Banz.
      Manage lines 
      Lines + kids = nightmares for most families. In order to minimize and make the most of time in lines, get to the park early, schedule fast passes, and pack some easy entertainment. Lines lengthen as the day goes on. FASTPASSES allow you to skip the longest lines and can be booked 30-60 days in advance at WDW. For fun, I stash a small container of bubbles in my bag if the kids get particularly antsy. For older kids, Disney-related apps or hunting for “hidden Mickeys” can be fun.
      Manage security 
      There are always long lines for security, which can be especially hard for the youngest kids. We wind up sending one parent through the bag-check line with the stroller and backpack, while the other parent goes through the “no bag” line with some sunscreen and the kids. Inside the park, the second parent can apply sunscreen on everyone while waiting in a much more enjoyable location for parent #1. Better yet, try to avoid bags if you can so no one has to wait.
      WDW vs DL
      I prefer DL for the under-five set due to the close proximity of attractions and hotels. Plus, it has littles-friendly Toontown and Carsland. WDW has MagicBands (all-in-one line shortcuts and payment device), while DL does not. Instead, FASTPASSES are scheduled daily in the park at DL with separate room keys.
      Random tips and references 
      If you have a baby or toddler, use the baby centers. They have nursing areas, changing areas and even toddler toilets! If anyone has food allergies, Disney is great with them. Just speak up. Helpful websites: easywdw.com, disboards.com, mousesavers.com.
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    • Hyde Park is more than just the Museum of Science of Industry. Spend the day exploring Hyde Park with your family this weekend!
      As a child growing up in Chicago, I only thought of Hyde Park as where the Museum of Science and Industry lived. I'd go there on family trips or field trips, once or twice a year, always making sure to pay a visit to the baby chicks. On one memorable visit, my 8th-grade class ran into Davy Jones inside the Hall of Nobel Prize Winners. 
      But for all the times I traveled to Hyde Park, I never truly visited the neighborhood. As an adult with children of my own, I've made a point to get out and really explore our city. I often craft whole itineraries based on their geographic proximity to one or two key places. I'll pull up a map on my computer and my kids will peer over my shoulder shouting out requests (usually asking me to find the nearest ice cream place) and we'll embark on our trip, sometimes pulling over if something new catches our eye.
      Here are some of our tried-and-true favorites in Hyde Park. 
      Smart Museum of Art: An intimate but robust museum, the Smart hosts monthly family drop-in activities that are perfect for slow winter days. Not only are they free, they’re very high-quality projects. On February 3, it'll be celebrating everything blue with a Family Day inspired by the artist Yves Klein. There's even a cafe in the lobby for the caffeine jolt you’ll need after all that exhausting art-making.
      57th Street Books: We almost never come down to Hyde Park without a visit to this iconic bookstore. The labyrinth of connected rooms and low ceilings make the whole place feel like it sprang from an author's imagination. Their selection of children's books is nicely curated and it can special order anything that's out of stock.
      Salonica Restaurant: Whether we are in the mood for standard breakfast fare like scrambled eggs and pancakes or Greek diner staples like gyros and moussaka, Salonica always has us covered. Their children's menu is a great value and service is excellent. Expect a wait on weekends.
      Nichols Park: My kids are always up for a trip to a playground in any kind of weather. Even in the middle of winter, we keep our eyes peeled for new or special parks. Nichols Park playground was renovated in 2016 and is a great place to blow off steam when the weather is above freezing (and even sometimes when it's not).
      Ice skating at Midway Plaisance: Rent skates or bring your own; this rink operated by the Chicago Park District is on the beautiful stretch of land that once hosted amusements for the World's Columbian Exposition including the original Ferris wheel. With the gothic architecture of the University of Chicago as a backdrop, this is one of my favorite vistas. Especially at dusk when the lights from the University buildings are twinkling. 
      The Bakery at Piccolo Mondo: "Can we get hot chocolate?" I hear this one a lot and you probably do, too. My kids always want something “fancier” than your typical Starbucks treat. This Argentinian bakery has one of the coolest versions I've seen: It's called the "Submarino" and you get a glass of steamed milk served with a dark chocolate bar for a DIY hot chocolate that you mix yourself. Needless to say, this one's a big hit. 
      Museum of Science and Industry: I've saved the best for last. Not much new can be said about this place except that you might not be aware of one of the city's best membership deals. At the annual fund level ($300) and above, you get invited to several special events throughout the year that really make it worthwhile. Our favorite is the annual Boo Bash with a buffet dinner, open bar, dessert station, and free admission to the coal mine and other special exhibits. 
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    • Suggestions to jumpstart your budgeting goals and handle summer finances with ease.
      “10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...Happy New Year!” If this year’s New Year’s Eve countdown reminded you of your bank account balance, it’s time for a change.
      Now that the first half of the year is over and the holidays are behind us, it’s time to begin planning ahead for summer. Believe it or not, summer will be here before we know it with all of its expenses in tow: summer camp, family vacation, sports...(insert money flying away emoji). Keep reading for suggestions to jumpstart your budgeting goals and handle summer finances with ease.
      Set a goal. Write it down. Celebrate. Repeat.
      Begin by sorting your spring and summer expenses in two lists: a “must-do” list and a “can-do” list. Fill your “must-do” list with all of the expenses that have to happen. Think essentials like summer camp, sports teams, school registration fees for next year, etc. Total up those costs and round that number to the nearest hundredth (wiggle room is vital). Divide that total by the number of months remaining until spring, write it down and post it somewhere you can see it daily. When you reach your monthly goal, celebrate the cost-effective way: Have a movie night in or cook something special as a family. Repeat. Do the same for your “can-do” list, but always prioritize your “must-do” list.
      Pay yourself! There’s an app for that.
      You’ve set some sort of New Year's resolution, right? Reward yourself for sticking to your goals (or punish yourself when you don’t) with an app that auto-saves for you. There are a few apps that automate your savings, but my favorite is IFTT (If This, Then That), which works by creating “recipes” that trigger certain effects. For example, in a few finger-taps, you can set up a $2 transfer from your checking account into your savings account each time you check in at your gym. I use IFTT with Qapital, another saving app that makes saving easy and fun. Get your significant other to join in and save with you to speed up the goal-achieving process.
      Budgeting is a team sport
      Involve your family. Teach responsibility, introduce chores, and model saving and budgeting by turning household chores or everyday tasks into a chance to save money. Instead of paying your child, apply their earned allowance towards their personal expenses. These tasks don’t have to be huge — maybe a dollar for each day your kiddo completes three tasks that they normally struggle with, like making their bed, completing all of their homework and feeding the dog. Keep track of how much money they earn each week, then apply it towards your family budget. Your child will feel great knowing that their efforts helped contribute! #teamworkmakesthedreamwork
      Don’t worry if budgeting doesn’t come naturally at first. Take baby steps and set realistic goals, but don’t be afraid to challenge yourself. Dave Ramsey said it best: “A budget is telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went.”
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    • Proactive planning and expectation management can make a world of difference when siblings are fighting.
      All of us who live in Chicago pride ourselves on our ability to “hunker down” when it becomes unbearably cold out. What better way to deal with the Chicago Arctic than to sit around in PJs, drinking hot coffee and curled up with a good book, letting errands wait and leaving icy roads for someone else?
      Then come kids and their exasperation with being stuck inside when the threat of hypothermia is all too real. Telling my 6-year-old to read a book and enjoy some downtime while the outside freezes over would garner a similar reaction to my suggesting that Pokemon is passe: utter ridiculousness. Throw his 4-year-old sister into the mix, and I’ve gone from wearing a referee cap to donning full body armor. The fighting when there’s no place to go gets fierce.
      While parenting is challenging, it’s all the more real when weather conditions compromise our kids’ ability to get space from one another. While I am no means an overly creative parent, I have found that some proactive planning and expectation management can make a world of difference when the weather doesn’t quite allow for the breathing room our sunnier days permit.
      Make winter resolutions
      Why focus on a single day for your kids to set goals? When the winter is at its worst, I have challenged my children to come up with a few things they want to do prior to the return of spring. The goals don’t have to be significant—maybe read a few more books each week, finish a puzzle, learn the words to their favorite song—just enough to keep the focus on themselves and not competing with their sibling.
      Plan “You and Me” days
      Although an elementary concept, I try to plan one day a month for myself and my husband to spend a few hours one-on-one with each of our children, without their sibling. A movie, an art class, bowling—it’s usually something outside the home so that the attention is on one another, rather than someone competing for my attention. Not only is it good for my son or daughter to be alone from their sometimes nemesis, it refocuses me and makes me realize how I love those darn-adorable, quirky kids.
      Let ’em be
      Rather than try to intercept, one of the most valuable things I have learned is that they can generally work out their differences. While “figure it out” can lead to catastrophe, I’m often amazed to have sent my two bickering kids down to the basement, only to hear giggles and shrieks of laughter erupt as they have moved past their differences and on to trying to make each other crack up. While I am never sure how long the serenity will last, I will lap up those brief moments of affection like that hot cup of coffee I’m missing on the couch.
      Because we all deserve a little serenity now and then, don’t we?
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    • A clinical psychologist shares the most effective ways for parents to assist their child in developing healthy coping.
      Parenting an anxious child comes with the constant question: “How do I push my child and be comforting and supportive?” Unfortunately, there is not yet a perfect science to parenting or treating anxiety. But helping your child face the world with bravery over succumbing to the worry monster can be achieved with consistent and compassionate coaching. 
      As a clinical psychologist, I am always looking for the best and most effective ways for parents to assist their child in developing healthy coping, and not encouraging anxious and avoidant behaviors. These 10 simple tips will help you and your child get through to the light at the end of the tunnel, a life where worry doesn’t win.
      1. Validate your child’s emotional pain and discomfort. It may seem like your child is freaking out about "nothing" when, for example, she enters full tantrum mode to avoid being dropped off at a birthday party. But to your child, this is a tremendous deal. Think how bad it has felt in your own life when you were upset about something and someone responded to you and your pain with a sentiment such as “it is not such a big deal…you are fine.” How did you feel in that moment? We have all experienced the one-two punch of experiencing emotional pain and then beating ourselves up for having that pain. Give your child the gift of learning to recognize and acknowledge when she is experiencing emotional distress. Explaining an occurrence is not the same thing as “making an excuse.” Nonjudgmentally acknowledging when we are experiencing emotional distress is the first step in learning how to move through the unavoidable moments of suffering that are built into the human experience.
      2. Educate yourself about "the body on anxiety." The discomfort children experience when they are in “anxiety mode” is real. Their brain’s fear response system (otherwise known as fight, flight, freeze) has been triggered and are now experiencing all of the physiological changes to their body that would occur in a true emergency. Their heart rate and breathing are increasing; blood flow is moving from their small muscles to their big muscles that are associated with fleeing, such as their arms and legs; and their pupils are dilating to allow them to see all potential dangers more clearly. All of these physiological changes would be quite helpful if they were in a real emergency. Thankfully, they are not in a true emergency when experiencing the false alarm of anxiety, but it feels to them like they are.
      3. You can validate your child’s discomfort without buying into the “doom and gloom” predictions made by their anxious brain. Along with the physiological changes that occur when the “anxiety switch” has been flipped comes a change in thinking patterns. The world shifts from seeming predictable and safe to unpredictable and dangerous. Opportunities for failure, death and other unfortunate outcomes seem ever-present. Just because your child believes that terrible things are likely to occur does not make it true. Access your “wise mind” when your child is unable to access his.  
      4. Believe in the strength of your child. She cannot break. Anxiety is not dangerous and cannot hurt her, but avoiding life and age-appropriate experiences can.You don't need to shield her from life's challenges.
      5. Model vulnerability. It is not only okay but powerfully healing to share with your child when you are struggling and scared. Struggling and fear are part of the human experience and she will learn it is all okay. 
      6. Create a family culture that nurtures taking chances and learning from mistakes over perfectionism. As an exercise, you can go around the dinner table and each take turns sharing one way you took a chance today.  By highlighting meeting challenges head on you are reinforcing bravery over avoidance behaviors. This family exercise emphasizes how it is the journey of learning and experiencing life that truly matters, not the outcome of achieving or winning. 
      7. Teach your child how to identify when the "worry monster" has surfaced and is attempting to call the shots. It is incredibly helpful to come up with kid-friendly language to help your child make sense of his anxiety.  In our first few sessions with children struggling with anxiety, we name and draw a picture of their “worry monster.” Some names my wonderful, brave little clients have come up with are: worry bully, “It,” Bob," and "Mr. Annoying," to name just a few. The function of this exercise is to assist your child in more objectively viewing her worries and fears vs. seeing the world through anxieties and fears. Once we learn how to identify when the “worry monster” has surfaced, we can next learn how to talk back and disengage from its taunts and negative predictions. 
      8. Pick your battles. You can't work on everything at one time. Determine the fear-based behaviors that are most negatively impacting your child and your family and create specific plans on how to address these behaviors. By trying to address everything, you will end up addressing nothing.
      9. Learn to identify when your own “worry monster” has surfaced. Don't believe your own fears and worries that try to predict how much suffering your child will go through when they experience moments of anxiety. Although you may have experienced anxiety in your own life, it is no real indication of how it will go for your child. Kids are incredibly adaptable; they learn quickly that the best way past anxiety is through it. By facing one fear at a time, your child will quickly learn how brave, strong, and confident he truly is.  
      10. It is okay to get anxiety coaching from the sidelines. Therapy does not have to be a long-term, complicated endeavor. There is effective, empirically supported, short-term therapy available to assist your child and family when stuck and overwhelmed.  
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    • Setting personal goals will keep you energized and focused on a life outside of parenting.
      It was a Sunday afternoon last month and I found myself doing something I rarely get the chance to do: laying on the living room couch in a silent house. With our young son asleep in the other room, I was mindlessly flipping channels looking for something, anything, to keep my mind off the fact I had no workout planned. For the previous six months, I started every day looking at my workout log and preparing myself to meet that day's challenge. I followed that routine as close as the rest of my schedule would allow, as I missed just five workouts during that 26-week stretch. Each time I crossed off that day's scheduled exercise, I gained more and more confidence.
      Yet here I was, exactly one week removed from crossing the finish line alongside my wife at the Honolulu Marathon in what was one of the most exhilarating and proudest moments of our lives, and I suddenly had nowhere to run. I felt like a failure.
      While I know this isn't true, as I am blessed in many ways, the importance of setting/striving for personal goals became crystal clear for me in that moment. I can't just have my life revolve around my son and his activities. He will always come first, but I need to move me-time up my list of priorities and be running toward something—and it doesn't need to be the finish line of a marathon or any other athletic endeavor. It could be learning an instrument (which I'm considering), a foreign language, how to paint, or something else. It just needs to be something because:
      Whether I achieve my goal or not, just taking the steps to achieve my goal will help me experience personal growth and keeps me energized, both physically and mentally. Setting goals brings balance to my life. Not everything can be about my son. It just can’t. It gives me something to look forward to that doesn’t involve walks to the park, Wiggleworms or my son’s Saturday morning French class. It sets a good example for my child. By trying to better myself and staying focused on my personal goals, my hope is that my son will one day learn the importance of goal-setting and trying to improve himself—in whatever way he feels is necessary.
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    • The holidays can be sensory overload for special-needs kids. Try these Chicago activities that take care of your kids, and parents, too.
      With all the hustle and bustle of the holidays, our special kiddos can get lost in the "sensory-overload shuffle" and may not feel very festive. Here are a couple of suggestions to keep parents and kids full of the holiday spirit.
      A sensory-friendly version of A Christmas Carol at the Goodman Theatre offers lower sound levels, the house lights left on and the opportunity for kids to walk around as much as they please. The theatre is also providing a designated area to retreat for those that need some quiet time. Dec. 30 at 2pm.
      Are the holidays just too much overall? Step back and just take in a movie with your kiddo to relax without all the holiday pressure. Check out AMC's Sensory Friendly Movies and Studio Movie Grill's Sensory Friendly Movies.
      Or take them to a museum where they can let off some steam and not be bombarded with the holiday hustle. Try The Children's Museum, Kohl Children’s Museum or Dupage Children’s Museum, all of which have sensory-friendly days.
      Create a holiday tradition. My daughter, Lia, loves the twinkling lights of the holiday displays so we pick one night put on her coziest holiday jammies and pack snacks and a thermos of hot cocoa and go for a car ride to see Sauganash's holiday lights. It’s become such a wonderful tradition in our family! 
      For those kiddos who thrive on the excitement, like mine does, go all out and do Winter Wonderfest at Navy Pier (tons of rides and ice-skating rink) or the CTA Holiday Train or Bus! Lights, crowds and fun for all! Yes, it's complete sensory overload, but some kids really love this and then maybe you can get a great night’s sleep out of the routinely sleepless child. Check Groupon and Living Social for special offers. For both Winter Wonderfest and the CTA, mention to the employees that your kiddo is special needs so you do not have to wait in those long lines. It works—we’ve done this every year. 
      Shopping is not always easy for our kiddos. Try to do the bulk of your shopping while they are in school, on a play dates or at family member's home. Don’t be shy to ask your family or friends for help. Like they say, it does take a village! Call in those favors now. You are going to need all the time you can get! Locally owned The Sensory Kids Store is a wonderful place to get your kiddos something extra-special online!
      Try to create an opportunity to get some much-needed alone time for you and your significant other. Check out Free Parents' Night Out offered by CST Academy. You can have three hours all to yourself! Be sure to register in advance. 
      Don’t forget about yourself. All the running around making sure everyone is happy can kill anyone’s spirit. You need to make sure that you are taking care of yourself as well. Get a small treat for yourself every time you get something accomplished from your list. Get a mani/pedi, get a latte and sit down somewhere to read an article from your favorite gossip magazine, or take a few minutes to enjoy some of the beautiful holiday decorations around you. You get the idea. Breathe!
      And finally, the holidays are about being together and cherishing all we have. Remember to try to give back however you can by volunteering or donating to a worthy cause. Misericordia, KEEN, Easter Seals and Ronald McDonald House are just a few of the many wonderful organizations that help our special family members. There is always a need for volunteers at most organizations that give us all so much! Check out the volunteer opportunities near you.
      No matter how you celebrate this holiday season, I hope you all are able to enjoy your loved ones to the fullest! 
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    • Have an anxious child? Check out these tips to help manage your child's anxiety about homework.
      Children are receiving homework as young as the kindergarten age, and some students report spending up to six hours a night on it. Many kids learn how to cope and manage the homework load, but what about children with anxiety? Anxiety negatively impacts concentration, inhibits learning, and can make it difficult for an anxious child to display her true knowledge and grasp of the material. Following are a few anxiety-ridden scenarios and how to help.
      Anxiety: “My logical, problem-solving brain won’t work and I feel stupid.” When children are operating from an anxious brain, their logical, problem-solving, executive functioning brain is out of reach. Can you imagine trying to complete a math problem without the ability to use logic? In addition, anxiety creates added stress, which interrupts the ability to sustain focus. A child may be able to demonstrate her true knowledge when she is operating from a calmer state, but can’t recall the information during an anxious moment. In this anxious state, 30 minutes of homework takes 3 hours, frustration rises, exhaustion enters, and your child ends up feeling stupid.
      How to help: If anxiety is impacting your child’s ability to demonstrate knowledge, is causing your child to spend more time on homework than his peers, or is adding significant stress after school, you may ask your teacher for some accommodations to support your child. Homework may be shortened or broken down into smaller parts, a time limit may be implemented on how much time a child may spend on homework, and in some cases, homework can be completely waived.
      Anxiety: “I worry so much about turning in a perfect paper that I end up procrastinating.” Children and teens will often cope with their fears of inadequacy or making mistakes with procrastination. Parents and teachers may inaccurately label these kids as lazy or tell them to try harder. This only puts more focus on the child’s struggles and shines a light on the child’s need to seek external achievements and rewards to gain self-confidence.
      How to help: Use your relationship to notice what you see. Say, “I notice you have a hard time finishing your homework. What’s the hardest part?” or “I wonder if you worry so much about being perfect, it’s hard for you to get started.” By opening up a nonjudgmental conversation, you may help your child gain some insight into their anxious response to homework.
      Anxiety: “Homework takes away from my play, and I need play to learn, relax, and reduce my anxiety.” Children learn through play. If your child compromises her free time for homework, then your child is at risk for increased anxiety, stress, learning challenges and health issues. A relaxed and rested brain is a brain that is open and ready to learn.
      How to help: Create a routine in which your child is able to relax his mind, body, and burn off energy he may have had to hold onto during the school day. Discover a homework routine that works best for your child. Your child may need to get some physical exercise immediately after school before diving into homework. Alternatively, your child may need to start homework immediately, but utilize sensory supports such as fidgeting, music, or bouncing on an exercise ball while working. Break homework up into small parts and allow frequent breaks. Never sacrifice a child’s after-school play or relaxation time for homework. Be the support network. Homework is mistakenly thought of to be an independent time of study. I encourage caregivers to look at homework as an opportunity to connect and spend time with their child. An anxious child’s brain will calm with your presence and support. You will also discover exactly what parts of homework are difficult for your child and in turn help your child more. You will have the opportunity to teach your child the skills she is lacking and help develop positive coping tools.
       
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    • The fact that your child can lie shows maturity. It's the reason behind the lying that you should focus your attention on.
      “Rachel did it,” I insisted, at three years old, when my parents asked why there was blue ink on our ecru walls and white couch. I was informing them that my sister, their devious daughter, was to blame. After a booming count to three (my father’s timeframe to “come clean”), I was punished for vandalism—and lying.
      As a child psychologist, I ask parents to list the concerns they have about their child. Although they may report behaviors such as yelling, hitting, or throwing tantrums, they often end with, “…but what bothers us the most is the lying.” 
      Although parents may view their child’s lying as a personal affront, psychologists take a different perspective on the matter. In fact, there are two key reasons why I love lying.
      Reason #1: Lying is normal
      Lying is a normal stage in development and a sign of cognitive growth. Research shows us that, even by age two, children start to lie to their parents. The onset of lying coincides with—and likely requires—the development of (a) perspective-taking skills, or putting oneself in another’s shoes, what psychologists refer to as “Theory of Mind,” and (b) executive functioning skills, such as impulse control, flexible thinking, and the ability to hold information in mind when working through problems (working memory). Neurobiologically, all of these skills develop as the front part of the brain, called the prefrontal cortex, matures.
      Although my three-year-old brain was developed enough to know that lying was a good way to avoid punishment, I didn’t understand that blaming my six-week-old sister, who couldn’t hold a crayon, was essentially self-incrimination. I lied, but I was bad at it. Just as children learn to crawl before they learn to walk, their lying becomes more sophisticated over time. As you might guess, children become better liars as their perspective-taking, executive functioning, and prefrontal cortex develop further.
      Reason #2: Lying is a clue for parents
      Lying serves a purpose for the child, that is, to solve a problem. For example, when children have a problem (e.g., “I did something that will get me punished”), lying is one strategy to solve it (e.g., “If I lie, I won’t get punished”).
      Whether a child kicks, screams, cries, or lies, these behaviors have functions, and when parents tell me that their child lied to them, my goal is to identify the function of the lying. When we can understand the function of a child’s behavior, we can identify the problem that the child was trying to solve and, ultimately, teach the child more appropriate ways to solve problems (e.g., by telling the truth).
      What can parents do when their child lies?
      Despite my love of lying, it’s not a behavior we want to perpetuate and not one that parents want to reinforce. Therefore, to conclude, here are three tips for parents for when your child’s pants are on fire:
      1. Along the lines of reason #2 above, reserve judgment about the lying, investigate the function of the behavior, identify the problem that your child was trying to solve, and teach your child more appropriate ways to solve problems. Collaborative and Proactive Solutions, an approach developed by Ross Greene, Ph.D., is an effective technique for parents to address their children’s challenging behaviors, including lying (see livesinthebalance.org). 
      2. Ask your child to promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Recent research shows that, when children promise to tell the truth, they are more likely to do so, even after committing a transgression.
      3. Take a realistic, nuanced approach when talking with your child about lying. Not all lying is socially unacceptable. How many times have your parents said, “When you open Aunt Goldie’s present, be nice. Smile and tell her how much you like it.” Lying can be acceptable depending on the context. Learning to distinguish appropriate from inappropriate lying can be challenging for children.
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    • Have you started getting calls from teachers about your child's behavior disrupting class? By law, your school may be obligated to help with this issue.
      Now that it's fall, the days are getting shorter and the honeymoon period for your child’s return to school has ended. Maybe you've begun to receive calls and e-mails from teachers and school administrators that your child is not following directions, is being disruptive in class, or is struggling generally. The school district may also be mentioning possible disciplinary action toward your child. You know that your child needs help, but what can you ask for and what are your child’s rights? The answers to these questions often turn on whether your child has been or should be identified as having a disability. 
      Children with identified disabilities: Children with identified disabilities in public schools may be entitled to receive services and accommodations through an IEP (Individualized Education Program) under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Improvement Act (IDEA) or through a Section 504 Plan under the Rehabilitation Act of 1973. 
      There are many accommodations, related services, and supplementary aids and supports that can (and should) be implemented in the regular education environment for a child with behavioral/emotional challenges. In addition, the IDEA requires the consideration of a Functional Behavioral Assessment (FBA) and Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP) for students who are unsuccessful with typical behavior supports. The FBA and BIP are formal ways for parents, teachers and other school professionals to work collaboratively to determine the best way to help a student who is exhibiting behavioral difficulties. 
      Children with IEPs or Section 504 Plans are also entitled to protections and procedural safeguards should their behaviors invoke significant disciplinary action such as a suspension or expulsion. As a general rule, the suspension or expulsion of students with disabilities has been treated similarly under both the IDEA and Section 504. The Office of Civil Rights has stated that the same protections available to students classified as students with disabilities under the IDEA are available to students classified as students with disabilities under Section 504, except for students who have a disability solely by virtue of alcoholism or drug addiction. 
      Children “not yet identified” with disabilities: If you believe that your child may be entitled to accommodations and/or services for emotional or behavioral challenges under the IDEA, you have a right to contact your school and request a case study evaluation (CSE). In Illinois, a school district is required to respond to a parent’s request for a CSE within 14 school days of that request. If the school district determines that an evaluation is not warranted, it must provide its reason for denying the request in writing. 
      Similarly, if you believe your child may be entitled to services under a Section 504 Plan, you have the right to contact your school and request an initial evaluation in order to determine whether your child is eligible to receive supports and services under Section 504.
      In addition, under certain circumstances, a student who has not yet been identified as eligible for special education may still be entitled to claim the procedural protections afforded to individuals under the IDEA. A previously unidentified student with a disability facing disciplinary action such as suspension, expulsion or a change in placement to an interim alternative educational setting may, nonetheless, claim the procedural safeguards of the IDEA if the district had knowledge that the student was a child with a disability "before the behavior that precipitated the disciplinary action occurred." 
      Children without disabilities: Unlike the discipline of students with disabilities, the discipline of general education students is not governed by the IDEA or Section 504 procedural safeguards, but rather by state laws and regulations. Recently, Illinois enacted Public Act 099-0456 (commonly referred to as Senate Bill 100), which went into effect at the beginning of the 2016-17 school year. This new law includes a broad list of school climate and student-behavior measures, but its central purpose is to make suspensions and expulsions a disciplinary option of last resort. The goal is to keep children in school receiving an education.
      Under Public Act 099-0456, suspensions of three days or fewer will be allowed only if a student's presence at school poses a threat to others or "substantially disrupts, impedes, or interferes with the operation of the school." The law leaves those terms open to the discretion of local school boards. Suspensions longer than three days, expulsions, or disciplinary transfers to alternative schools may only be used if a student poses a threat or significant disruption to the learning environment and other options, such as restorative practices, have been exhausted.
      Lara Cleary is a partner with the law firm of Hansen & Cleary, LLC. Hansen & Cleary is a boutique law practice focusing on the representation of children and families, individuals with disabilities, medical and mental health practitioners, private schools, and other non-profit agencies in the greater Chicagoland area and throughout the State of Illinois. If your child is struggling in school and is exhibiting emotional/behavioral difficulties, your child may have protections and rights under federal and State law. Please contact us at 847-715-2801 or through our website, hansencleary.com, with any questions.
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