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    • Setting healthy boundaries for screen time is key for kids' physical growth and emotional well-being. Here are some tried-and-true guidelines.
      Recently, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) changed its rules for screen time for children to meet more modern times. Much has changed since I had my first child in 2007, back when iPhones had just come out and iPads did not exist. Establishing healthy screen time boundaries has been a priority for me from the beginning.
      As a health educator, I have read up on the studies about too much screen time. It can lead to attention problems, sleep disorders and being overweight. My goal is to raise emotionally, intellectually and physically healthy children. While our bodies continue to get acclimated to our advancing technological times, setting healthy boundaries is key for their physical growth and emotional well-being.
      A few tried-and-true guidelines:
      No screen time while dining out or at the dinner table
      No iPhones at restaurants? YES! Remember: We are made for relationships, and having our kids learn the art of conversing starts by watching us. Engaging in lighthearted conversations while dining out is, unfortunately, a learned skill-set these days. Lead by example: put your phone away and converse. Each night at dinner, I ask my kids to share the peak and the pit of their day. By the time we are all done sharing, we have finished our meal and had a wonderful conversation.
      Schedule unstructured playtime 
      It stimulates creativity and fosters imagination.
      No screen time two hours before bedtime 
      There is plenty of evidence that blue light, emitted by smartphones, tablets, laptops, and many other electronic devices, is impacting on the quantity and quality of the sleep we are getting. Getting blue light naturally from the sun is important; it helps us to stay awake. However, blue light that comes from screens tells our brains that it isn’t time to sleep. This disrupts our pineal gland from producing melatonin. Melatonin is the most important factor and plays an important role in our metabolism and our keeping our immune system healthy. This is true for all ages, but more important for our young children, and here’s why: One of the important hormones that is released during the deepest stages of sleep is Human Growth Hormone (HGH). This is essential for our body to heal, recover, grow and to perform well in athletics.
      Disconnect to reconnect 
      If you are giving into your child for more screen time, ask yourself, Is it really for my sanity? Or is it to keep my child quiet? Saying no will empower them to think of something else to do. If not, show them another option. Building, playing dolls and coloring are all useful ways to grow their minds and learn other fundamental skills.
      Related articles:
      I feel no guilt about my kids' screen time
      How unplugging made me a happier parent
      Read more...
    • If some screen time gives me 30 minutes of uninterrupted time, my kids have a happier and calmer mommy. Here are the ways I monitor my kids' screen time.
      More than 30 percent of children in the United States play with mobile devices while still in diapers.
      You may have seen older news reports in which the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommended that children under two shouldn’t have any screen time, and older children and teens should be limited to no more than two hours of screen time a day. Just months ago, the AAP changed what it considers its “outdated” policies.
      I’ve never been guilt-ridden over screen time. I’ve always known that my toddler’s screen time can lead to some amazing personal discoveries. Also, while I know I can parent, I’m self-aware enough to know that I’m not one to do flashcards with my kids. Since this is the case, I see no problem in their using a screen (under my supervision) to learn about animals, colors, and other basic concepts.
      The screen time doesn’t just help my kids, but me as well. I am a person, darnit! I have needs. If some screen time gives me 30 minutes of uninterrupted time, my kids have a happier and calmer mommy.
      Sure, there’s risk to it, and it can be overdone. Like anything else, it’s all about balance. My kids would live on FaceTime, Xbox and Instagram if I allowed it. But because we lead balanced lives, they get straight As in school, sleep like rockstars and aren’t anti-social zombies.
      [Related: For young kids, technology should be like ice cream: a sometimes food]
      Based on my experience, a few tips on how to make the smartest screen choices for your toddler:
      Be choosy about content. Let your toddler watch a show that is relevant to his age and learning level, but there’s no need to dumb it down. Top-rated apps like Super Why ABC Adventures and Peekaboo Barn, electronic picture books, or family videos on your phone are always good choices.
      Be aware of when your child is having screen time, and make sure you balance it with free play and time with the family.
      Be proactive in terms of how the screen time impacts your child. The screen time itself may spark new interests or necessitate more parent-time, depending on who your toddler is.
      Be smart about when you allow screen time. We use screen time when the kids wake up and go to bed as part of their routine, allowing them to wake up slowly and mellow out easily. Yes, it’s a crutch — but an effective one. I’ll allow 15 minutes of screen time for instant Zen every time.
      Be involved in your child’s screen time. Yes, it can be mind numbing talking about Minecraft, but it means a lot for her to take you into her world and interests. Give her interests some validation while likely giving you some much needed new conversation topics.
      Be firm when enforcing limits. Tell your children what goes and stick to it. It’s just like anything else in parenting: You’ve got to set boundaries and be consistent so your kids know what to expect.
      Parents need to remember that while technology keeps changing, parenting has not. Life balance is important and everything in moderation, so keep an eye on how much time your children are spending in front of a screen, just as you want to keep an eye on how much they’re doing something else.
      Related articles:
      Limit screen time for a happier, healthier kid
      How unplugging made me a happier parent
       
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    • It can be tough to celebrate Father's Day with your husband when you've lost your dad. Here's how to still make the day special.
      Photo: The author, second from left, with her dad, second from right, and family   I don’t mean to brag, but my husband is a really amazing dad. Ever since my boys were born, he was hands-on and involved in every aspect of their lives, from changing poopy diapers to waking up with them in the middle of the night…even happily going into super-cold pools with them during swim lessons so I could stay warm and dry on the sidelines.   And when Father’s Day rolls around, I always want to shower him with love, praise and appreciation, but it is so incredibly difficult. Why? Because I don’t have a dad anymore, and sometimes missing him becomes so overwhelming that I really struggle with doing anything to celebrate Father’s Day. And I know I’m not alone.   I lost my beloved dad to colon cancer almost six years ago (this Father’s Day weekend will mark the anniversary of his death, which feels like a combination of a kick in the teeth and the stomach all at once). And the more I meet new moms while at my kids’ schools or at the park, I keep realizing that I am not alone in missing a parent…too many fathers have passed away to count (and I find that it has been so incredibly lopsided with feisty men avoiding the doctor, unfortunately).   So I wanted to write a letter to all of you moms who are struggling with missing your dad this Father’s Day while trying to figure out a way to celebrate your husband or partner for being the amazing dad that he is.   Communicate with your family, especially your husband or partner, about how you are feeling about Father’s Day. My husband knows that Father’s Day is especially rough for me since it marks the anniversary of when he passed away, so we don’t do a lot of specific Father’s Day activities on the day and instead fill our June and July with tons of fun summer activities that my husband especially enjoys.   You can always celebrate your dad, even if he isn’t with you on Father’s Day. My dad died a year before my oldest son was born. And even though I am so incredibly sad that they never got to meet, I am really lucky because my son is the spitting image (tantrums and all) of his Grandpa Tim. So whenever I am feeling a little blue, we take out photo albums and compare pictures of Grandpa and grandson and tell stories. It is the perfect medicine for my aching heart. And we always eat a sundae at one of Grandpa Tim’s favorite ice cream shops, a family Father’s Day tradition.   Father’s Day will never be the same after you lose your dad. Ever. But here’s the thing…once your husband or partner becomes a dad, it gets a little better. Because you now have a dad to honor and celebrate. I’m not saying that the day will be all butterflies and rainbows, but it will be better.   Happy Father’s Day to all the amazing dads in your life, past and present!  
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    • Toddlers are notoriously picky eaters. But you can get them to eat more than just buttered noodles.
      My daughter Sophia, now 5, is one of the strongest willed people I have ever met. So when toddlerhood hit, boy, did she dig in her heels, especially around food. As a health coach, having her subsist on noodles alone wasn’t really an option for me. I was determined to help her get over her pickiness and tried a lot of different things to get her to expand her palate. I employed these tips and can happily say that she and her 3-year-old brother Sam now request salads for lunch and turn down anything with artificial colors. Here’s what worked for me.
      I set some healthy boundaries
      When I actually stopped and paid attention to when, what, and why I was feeding my kids, I realized that I was giving them a snack whenever they whined for them. By planning their snacks and allowing them to be a little hungry for their next meal, I found they were more open to eating what I had prepared. When I set up the new family rules around food (and was firm, calm, and consistent about enforcing them), of course they put up a lot of resistance at first. But once they knew that the firm boundary existed, they started to comply and the battles came less frequently.
      I made the healthy food fun 
      Unfortunately, fruits and veggies don’t come in Elsa or Lightning McQueen packaging, so I found ways to make the healthier food more interesting for my kids. I found small cookie cutters, rice molds, colorful silicone muffin cups, colorful picks, and game-type plates to make the food more visually appealing as well as fun. I employed an incentive chart. The “Today I Ate a Rainbow” magnet chart gave a little added incentive to my kids to incorporate more produce into their meals. We’ve had it for a couple of years now and they still get excited to get a green star for eating cucumbers and orange stars for carrots.
      I got them involved in the kitchen
      Brussels sprouts. Never thought my kids would be excited to eat them, but I proved myself wrong by giving them the opportunity to help me in the kitchen and feed them into the food processor. They are always more interested in trying the foods that they’ve helped chop, measure, or mix.
      I gave them some choices 
      “Broccoli or cauliflower for dinner?” If they have some say over what’s ending up on their plate, they have a little more buy-in and are more willing to actually eat the healthy foods. I’ve found that giving them that hit of power on the front end often avoids the power struggle on the back end.
      I educated and empowered
      I spent some time with both of them explaining why it’s important to eat a wide variety of foods, and which foods are the ”most of the time” choices versus the occasional treats. By educating them and empowering them to do what will serve their body best, I’ve found they go the route of making the better choice more often. Are there still battles? Sure. They’re kids — that’s what they do! But I have found that the struggles (and the struggles of my clients) have decreased significantly since I’ve employed these strategies. I hope you will see the same in your kids!
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    • If your child calls a yard a "forest," knows the ins and outs of Divvy bikes and rides the CTA like it's no big deal, you might be a Chicago mom.
      Our friends at the Huffington Post wrote a great list, 13 Signs You Might Be a Suburban Mom. We couldn't get away without creating one of our own about Chicago moms, too!
      So, you might be a Chicago mom if... 
      1. You know how to navigate public transportation with a diaper bag and a stroller. Oh, yeah, and a child. 
      2. Sometimes you get lost in Whole Foods, for hours. 
      3. You purge your baby stuff, almost immediately. Who's got the room for it?
      4. You are flexible. If there is a Cubs game, you know which parks are away from the traffic pattern.
      5. You know when the museums won't be swamped with out-of-town tourists (spring break and holidays). 
      6. Riding a train is no big deal to your kid.
      7. Your child prefers a scooter to a bike and so do you.
      8. You run into friends at the park, and you are never the only one there.
      9. You've held a birthday party or play date in your "outdoor space," the sidewalk.
      10. You've become a Wiggleworm groupie and follow your favorite kindie performers from stage to stage during summer festival season.
      11. Your child knows every Divvy location within a 2-mile radius and can explain to out-of-towners exactly how it works.
      12. When you child comes into contact with "nature" (i.e., a yard), she is awestruck and refers to trees as the "forest" while you chuckle to yourself.
      13. Your child has NO idea the lengths you go to get him signed up for Park District programs, but you happily do it anyway.
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    • How to recognize the signs and symptoms of postpartum depression in new moms, and how to treat this common condition.
      Lifestyle blog Fix put together this helpful infographic about recognizing and treating postpartum depression, a topic you just can't know enough about. Postpartum depression can happen to any new mom, and the effects go beyond the "baby blues." And too few people talk about it, despite the efforts of celebrities such as Hayden Panettiere, Brooke Shields and Drew Barrymore to shed light on the pervasive condition.
      Learn to recognize the signs and symptoms of postpartum depression in yourself and others, and share this with a friend!

      Source: Fix.com Blog
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    • Nip the most common toddler sleep problems in the bud with these 5 tips.
      Toddler sleep antics are akin to playing the game of Survivor: Who can outwit, outlast, outplay? We know who usually wins! As a physician and certified pediatric sleep specialist who has helped more than 1,000 toddlers and their families sleep better, I can assure you, if you have ever been the loser in your child’s survivor games, you are not alone. The good news is, you can win with a few helpful tips — if you are patient and consistent.
      1. Don’t ditch the crib too soon. Wait until at least age 3 to make the transition, if not later. By then your toddler can better understand the boundaries of the bed. If you have a crib jumper, don’t despair — but don’t bring him into your bed! First, try these techniques: Try to catch him in the act of climbing (a video monitor can help) and firmly tell him “no,” either through the monitor or in person (you may have to do this multiple times). If one side of the crib is higher, turn the crib around to put a higher obstacle in his way. Use a sleep sack. If he does climb out, be consistent about taking him back without talking or eye contact.
      2. Practice consistent routines. Children thrive on predictable routines, including bedtime. Do any combination of relaxing activities in the same order every night for about 20-30 minutes: read books, make up stories, discuss the day’s activities, sing songs, etc. Over time, he will associate this routine with sleep.
      3. Time it right. A well-timed bedtime can mean the difference between a peaceful bedtime and bedtime battles or night wakings. An overtired child at bedtime is one of the biggest reasons for stalling and for night wakings, because their bodies are in overdrive. Generally, bedtime should be about four-and-a-half hours after the end of a restorative one- to two-hour nap for toddlers aged 18 months to 3 years. If the nap is shorter, then move bedtime earlier using their behavior as your cue.
      4. Eliminate sleep crutches. If your toddler needs you to fall asleep, then when they cycle in and out of sleep throughout the night, they will most likely need your help getting back to sleep — more rocking, more milk, and so forth. Have consistent routines to allow your toddler to fall asleep on his own.
      5. Have a plan for your “jack in the box.” If your toddler decides to visit you either right after bedtime or in the middle of the night, the best technique is to take their hand and — without eye contact, emotion, or engagement — walk them straight back to bed without tucking them in or kissing them again. Make it unrewarding to curb the behavior. You may have to try more than once, but be assured he will will get the message and start sleeping through the night in no time.
      Related posts:
      How I deal with my toddler's meltdowns
      Mine, mine, mine! How to mediate playspace tiffs
      Read more...
    • Want a family vacation without the stress of plane travel? Try these Midwest vacation spots in Illinois, Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota and Indiana.
      You know the saying “Midwest is best?” Well, if you ask me, the Midwest truly shines in the summer months…the glistening lakes, wealth of greenery, and tons of unique places to relax and unwind. It’s a complete 180 from the harsh winter months that we suffer through.   That’s why we always plan a Midwestern summer family vacation. We can avoid the drama and expenses involved with an airline flight, support local businesses and keep our money in the hardworking Midwest. And, I’m not going to lie….it is VERY hard to resist Tim Allen and his “Pure Michigan” commercials.   Are you looking for some great family-friendly vacation spots in the Midwest? Then look no further than this list:   Coloma, Michigan: This small town is nestled between St. Joseph and South Haven so you can explore the benefits of both areas when staying in Coloma. Typically we would spend our vacation beach and park hopping since there are so many to choose from, enjoying bonfires and spiced up s’mores every chance we get. Highlights include berry picking, old fashioned carousels, wineries and Silver Lake beach.  Driving time: 2–3 hours   Long Beach, Indiana: Splashing around on the shores of Long Beach truly makes Lake Michigan feel like an ocean. And when you are sick of swimming, explore the gorgeous sand dunes throughout the area. We especially love taking a trip to Long Beach because it is so close that we can make a day trip out of it. We recommend going on a Saturday since Sunday traffic can be pretty brutal.
      Driving time: 1–1.5 hours   North Shore, Minnesota: Although this is the farthest destination on the list, one could argue that it is the most fabulous. Why? Two words: whale watching. Yep, you and your family can partake in whale watching on the north shore of Lake Superior. There are tons of lodges and resorts to choose from, and other highlights include hiking, waterfalls, state parks…the options are endless.
      Driving time: 7–8 hours   Sheboygan, Wisconsin: Ever notice the Sheboygan shout-out in Home Alone? It was probably because  of its wide array of family-friendly activities like interactive water fountains, children’s museums, and a gorgeous lighthouse pier, in addition to the popular Blue Harbor Resort. Even if you are renting a house in Sheboygan, be sure to get a day pass for the indoor waterpark at Blue Harbor-you won’t be disappointed! Also, don’t miss out on taking a short drive to the American Club and dining at either the Horse and Plow (casual, great food for all ages) or getting some ice cream from their beautiful garden ice cream fountain. Interested in larger waterparks? Then simply drive a little further to the top resorts in the Dells.
      Driving time: 2.5–3 hours   Starved Rock, Illinois: There is no question as to why Starved Rock is the top attraction in Illinois. It is absolutely BEAUTIFUL. Set up camp or rent your own cabin while exploring all the Starved Rock has to offer: fishing, hiking, swimming, horseback riding, bird watching, small town shopping and local wineries…what more can you ask for? Driving time: 2 hours   I do understand if palm trees are calling your name, and if that is the case, here are some great tropical locales for Chicagoland families, as well as some tips for navigating your way through Chicagoland’s airports.
       
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    • This mom of a spirited toddler explains how she handles his public meltdowns and temper tantrums in an empathetic way.
      We call them “slow motion meltdowns” in our house. I am a mom of a 20-month-old spirited boy. He wants what he wants, when he wants it. Don’t we all? My son knows how much it hurts to throw himself on the ground when I can’t catch him. So instead, he has perfected a slow-motion fall backward that ends with him crying, looking up at the sky.
      When talking to other moms, including my own, the common advice seems to be: “Just leave him there, and he will come around when he’s ready.” This didn’t feel right to me, and it didn’t seem to work for my son. I have been a mental health counselor for more than 10 years, and it was my time to practice what I preach: Get on the same level, listen, empathize, and give choices. Below are four techniques that have really helped me deal with my son’s tantrums.
      1. Enjoy the view. My son’s worst meltdowns usually happen in a public place. One of these took place at the park on an unusually beautiful day. The sky was bright and the clouds were intensely white. I remember this vividly because, on that particular day, I decided to lay down right next to him. It was quite relaxing, and we both started talking about things we could see. Before I knew it, my stress was relieved, and he was back to a joyful mood. Getting on their level might look funny at times, but it works in taming those tantrums.
      2. There is a good use for a newspaper. From early on, my little guy would get really upset when I couldn’t figure out what he wanted. I would grab a newspaper, start a tear at the top, and let him shred the rest. Even though he was upset at first, he resolved whatever was frustrating him fairly quickly using this coping skill. If you work in an office like I do, one of my favorite things is shredding paper. It’s satisfying, so why wouldn’t it work for our little ones?
      3. Go outside no matter what. I think children get cabin fever like the rest of us, and they don’t know how to say what’s wrong. But we have learned that by taking him outside – even if just on the front porch – bundled up or otherwise, it really helps him reset his mood.
      4. Ask if they want a hug. My son’s mini meltdowns could happen for any reason: I chose the wrong shirt; he got cookies instead of veggie straws; or Peppa Pig was on when he wanted Bubble Guppies. When they do happen, I ask if he wants a hug and reach my arms toward him, but I do not touch him. Then I wait a minute or two, and try again using the same approach. I continue to do this until he reaches his arms toward me. It’s important that I exercise patience and wait for him to accept – which usually takes two or three minutes before he is reaching toward me, wanting a hug.
      Despite its challenges, I love this stressful, fun, playful age. I hope these techniques will help bring you a little more joy through the meltdown phase. They do say it’s a phase, right?
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    • This could feel like a regular vacation for us and our special-needs kids. If everyone would just stop staring.
      Sometimes I want a break from being ALL. THE. THINGS.    The home nurse, the fierce advocate, the educator, the researcher of everything related to X medical condition, the "don't you dare come in our hospital room ever again and I want to talk to your supervisor NOW" quality control specialist, the accountant, the medical supply manager, the parent/child visit supervisor, the guy at the bottom of the totem pole who gives all the updates to the DCFS people who can't seem to update one another even though they work in the same dang office, and of course, the mom.    On this vacation, I just wanted to focus on being a mom and enjoying that role.    I wanted to go away, dress the kids in their adorable patriotic outfits, watch some fireworks, snuggle and pretend life was normal.    But it's not normal and we can't seem to fade into the background, ever. On our first day, when I walked into the cafe to get our morning coffee with baby in the carrier and the feeding tube making its obvious appearance beside him, every single person I walked by stopped to stare. Not exaggerating, either—you would have thought I had forgotten to put pants on.   I stared back (because grown-ups shouldn't get away with staring), and every other person tried to cover up their rudeness with a, "They are so cute, are they twins?" comment.    (Really? Because you clearly didn't even really see them under their feeding tubes or you would have noticed that there is a clear age gap.)   It all felt so intense. And coming from a week and a half with an intense hospitalization and non-stop focus on this little baby, we all just needed a break from the "something is wrong" spotlight.    So I worked extra hard to make it all feel normal, because if I can't feel like "just a mom," I at least want each of them to feel like "just a kid" for a few short days on the beach.    And I have to say, these kids rock at childhood. Perhaps it's because they know what it's like to be confined to the walls of a hospital room for days and days on end, but they find joy in each and every thing. They soak in the sunshine, the sand, the wagon rides, and the water so purposefully and intentionally. They explore and thrive.    They don't even notice the stares or the comments, they just enjoy each moment. Which reminds me: I can choose that, too. 
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    • Summer vacation doesn't have to mean time off from learning.
      Around this time every year, parents begin worrying about the dreaded “summer slide.” This term defines the learning loss kids experience over the summer due to the fact that they aren’t going to school every day and engaging their minds in reading, thinking and problem solving.
      Many parents scoff at the notion that summer brain drain is something to take seriously, but it’s a very real threat to kids’ forward momentum. Research shows that children who don’t take part in some kind of educational brain-building over the summer lose three months of progress they made during the school year. The losses are worse for math than they are for reading, and they are cumulative over the years. This is bad enough on its face, but think about what that summer learning loss really means: imagine that the gains your child made from February through April were wiped off the map.
      Of course, many parents avoid doing anything to counteract summer slide for fear that they’ll burn their kids out or prevent them from getting a well-earned break from school. This can also be a self-interested move on a parent’s part; after all, what mom or dad doesn’t wait for the day that their child stops bringing home assignments that usually include tough math and reading worksheets (and other subjects). Let’s face it – we could all use that break!
      So how can you help your kids this summer without feeling like a drill sergeant out to ruin a relaxing summer?  This can be especially challenging when you’re on the go, doing family vacations or outings.   
      Here are five easy ways to ensure that your child doesn’t lose any ground this summer – even if you are traveling with your family. 
      1. Institute a 30-minute reading time every day.  Let your kids read whatever interests them – just keep that reading habit going.  Online sites can give you access to wonderful online libraries of classic picture and chapter books that don’t weigh down your child’s suitcase or backpack.
      2. Encourage free play and stay out of the way! From building a fort out of cushions in the hotel room to making sand castles on the beach, play is as important to your child’s thinking, problem solving, imagination, math, literacy and other skills as any enrichment experience you might give him. 
      3. Strengthen math skills through hands-on activities like chess, checkers, tangrams, dominoes, card games, puzzles, origami, beading, and board games. Search online or your favorite toy retailers for travel versions of your all-time favorite games and activities that fit easily into a backpack and can be played while flying or driving to your vacation. Mighty Mind is one of my favorites. It is great for building visual-spatial reasoning skills, and comes in a magnetic version for travel. 
      4. While on the road or even locally, go on outings to the zoo, beach, fire station, museums, etc. and take lots of pictures. Print the pictures and let your child make photo albums of each adventure. Encourage her to label each picture and write up a description of the experience. This builds memory, organization and writing skills – plus it’ll be fun to look back on in the future.   
      5. Choose your computer and TV time wisely. After a long day of sightseeing or playing sports at camp, kids need some downtime. With TV, let your child watch shows that entertain and challenge them to think. With computers or tablets, set your child up with online programs and educational games where they’re having so much fun, they have no idea they’re learning.   
      With a little dedication and creativity on your part, your child not only won’t have summer learning loss – they’ll start the next school year ahead!
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    • Aside from the obvious (schools), what are the best and worst parts of raising a child in the Chicago suburbs rather than the city?
      You know that commercial where the guy is like, "I'm never getting married." He gets married. Then he says to his wife, "We're never having kids." And then they have kids. And then he says, "We're never moving to the suburbs." And they obviously move to the suburbs. Yeah, that was kinda me. Not so much the marriage and kids part, but I definitely thought I'd never move to the suburbs. ***Cue all the suburbanites laughing at me in unison.***
      My husband and I were the couple that loved living in the city and thought we would stay there even after we had kids. And then we actually had kids. And I realized the other day (while I was sitting in my single family home on a tree lined suburban street, without a single graffiti mark in sight) that I've officially been a suburbanite for six months. I think that qualifies me as an expert on both city and suburban living, right? Okay, maybe not, but I'm still going to talk about the pros and cons of city versus suburban living.
      Pro: The so-very-obvious SPACE. More room for your kids to play and more space for aaaallll the stuff that babies come with. When we lived in our two-bedroom condo we had to do a football-player shimmy, one-two step, roll-to-the-side maneuver to get through the front door with our mammoth stroller in the way. I don't miss that. However, more space means more money spent on furniture and more room to collect knick-knacks. Plus, your parents will now want to give you back everything they've been storing for you in their basement.
      Con: Food. This is one thing I really miss about the city. World-class dining within steps of where you live. I still haven't found a restaurant I love eating at in the suburbs. 😞
      Pro: Backyard. This one is especially great when you have a dog. I always enjoyed walking my dog in the city, but after my daughter was born, what was I supposed to do when the dog is about to make a no-no on the carpet but the baby is taking a nap?
      Con: Blandness. One of the things you don't realize you'll miss until you don't have it anymore is the people, noise and vibrancy of city life. I wish that my daughter could grow up in a place where there's diversity and culture, but most suburbs don't quite have that.
      Pro: Garage parking. If you live in the city, you're lucky if you have one parking spot, but in a two-car household, it's likely that one of you is parking on the street. Garage parking means no more driving around looking for a spot, shoveling your car out of snowmageddon, and no more running in the rain to your car. But even more than that, it means no schlepping a stroller, carseat, diaper bag and groceries through two doors, an elevator and another two doors (or in some cases, two flights of stairs). If that's not #winning, I don't know what is!
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    • Selling your home is stressful enough. Adding little kids to the mix and takes it to another level. Here's one mom's advice on how to get through it.
      Selling your house is stressful. Emotions run high, there are many sleepless nights…and I’m just talking about the adults. When there are kids involved with selling real estate, everything gets amped up even more. How do I know? Because I’m going through the process right now and it has been a roller coaster that I can’t wait to get off of.   So take some of my advice and follow these 6 tips for selling your house while raising small children:   Expect things to take longer than they actually should. What do I mean, exactly? Well, if you still need to stain the fence or hang a new light fixture, give yourself more time to do it than you would expect if you didn’t have little ones around asking if they can help paint, why you are doing the handy work, and basically holding all of your tools hostage.   Try to find a real estate agent who is a parent. Why? Because she understands the need to have advance notice for showings and that you can’t keep a house immaculate for showings when there are little ones around.   Don’t totally give up on your kids’ schedules just because you are selling your house. If someone is really interested in your home, they will come to see it at a time that works for both of you. There is no need to keep your child up an hour past bedtime in hopes of someone coming to check out your place. I mean, it’s not like the kiddos are going to sleep in the next morning to make up for it!   Explain the potential of moving to your kids as early and clearly as possible. That way, they will understand what is going on and there aren’t any surprises. Check out this great NPN article about making moving easier for kids.   Declutter not just for the sake of home selling, but also for the sake of your sanity. Is your home overrun by toys? Then rotate toys and follow these other decluttering tips. I divide my boys’ toys among five large bins. Each day, my boys play with the toys that are in one bin. If they are really excited about the contents, we play with that bin for a few days. If they get sick of the toys in the bin, we swap it out with another one. That way, it is easy to quickly clean up and contain the toys when you get a call for a showing…or for your piece of mind once you are settled in your new home, as well.   Have an escape plan. When your home is being shown, you need to get out of there. So take advantage of all of these free and fun places to play with your kids. Have family nearby? Visit them and have a great place to relax during this stressful time of transition. And if you are saving every penny for your dream home, avoid restaurants and instead pack a picnic. I mean, who doesn’t love having a campout?  
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    • How to be a good friend to couples or women experiencing infertility, and how infertile women can advocate for themselves.
      “She defied the odds” is usually associated with heroic tales. He beat cancer. She won the election. Her business thrived despite ________ (insert natural disaster here). 
      When you are infertile, beating the odds is the most deflating, depressing and difficult pill to swallow. I have now officially defied all odds, hooray! Just another badge to put on my IVF vest.
      I am 29 years old and have been actively seeking infertility treatments for 1 year and 8 months. I have unexplained infertility, which basically means it's all a crap shoot. Doctors try some drugs on me, hope it works and, if doesn’t, throw a new slew of meds my way.
      To date I have had 1 IUI, 4 retrievals (1 of which failed, the other 3 resulted in 72 eggs), 4 failed transfers, 1 hysteroscopy and PGD testing. If the odds were in my favor, I would have been pregnant two transfers ago. But alas, even with a thick uterine lining and genetically perfect embryos, I am still not pregnant. Instead, I am waiting to do another test. 
      Two years ago I would have never expected to be a part of the IVF world simply because I didn’t know it existed. One in eight women experience infertility. That is an insane amount of people, Considering it is such a large population, why aren’t we talking about it more? There is shame associated with infertility due to strict gender binaries, lack of information regarding women’s health...the list goes on.
      We should not and cannot suffer in silence. Those who are infertile and fertile need to work together to ensure all women and men feel included and heard. April is Infertility Awareness Month and so I offer a few ways to help.
      Commandments of being a good fertile friend:
      Do not tell your friends how to feel.  Do not tell your friend to relax/ it will happen when it happens/ if they adopt they will get pregnant/ etc. etc. etc. Do not complain about being pregnant. Do not complain about how annoying it is to have kids. Do not talk about your hormones like we don’t know. LISTEN. Be empathetic. Be understanding when your friend can't attend your bris, baby naming, baby shower, etc. Advocate for legislation that will help ensure insurance covers IVF. Resources for infertile friends:
      Join a support group!  Find a therapist who specializes in medical issues (specifically infertility). Feel all your feelings and do not apologize for it. Treat yo’ self—get a massage, buy new clothes, get a mani/pedi. Talk to friends. Do not blame yourself. Check out resolve.org, a non-profit that provides support and resources to infertile people. Check out theivftimes.com, my light-hearted blog about infertility. Infertility is hard. There are days where your brain doesn’t work, you can’t function, you cry, you laugh, you cuddle and visit the doctor. You are doing all of the right things and you are not doing them alone.
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    • Amid the chaos of his daughter's circus-themed first-birthday party, this dad offers advice on how she can live a good life.
      My wife started planning our daughter’s first birthday party months ahead of time.
      It was an intricate circus theme, including 19 documented ideas that I will spare you of except for these: wine bottles whose labels were entitled “cirque du vin” or had circus elephants on them; three flavors of homemade popcorn served in bright red pails with chrome-plated scoops and red and white striped peanut bags; and mini circus-animal cake pops.
      If you want to have such a party, let me know and I’ll send you the whole list, but I will also probably try to sell you our leftover circus-animal paper plates. We killed the torpedo keg of Daisy Cutter, which was satisfying, and we pulled most of the plans off, except the next day we realized there were things we bought but never put out. And we spent most of the party working our asses off until, finally, after the singing and cake smearing, we were able talk to people. Then they left.
      My wife’s best idea for the party, though, was to request that the guests bring a sealed letter of advice for my daughter to open on her 18th birthday. Most everyone obliged, and we stacked them in a mini turquoise suitcase that a circus performer might use as he traveled across country by train.
      I wasn’t able to finish (or even start) my letter in time, so one night a few weeks later, I sat down with some paper and jotted down a stream-of-consciousness list of how to live a happy, healthy and balanced life, such as:
      You are smart and can do anything you want. Be confident in yourself and don’t ruminate on past decisions. Spend some stretch of your life with a regular yoga or meditation practice. Save 10–15% of every paycheck for retirement and live within your means. Write short stories about yourself and your experiences. I bought a nice leather journal where I‘ll rewrite it. Since this will only use the first few pages, I plan to use the rest to add more advice as it comes to mind, and to scribble outlines for potential stories about her that may or may not ever get written.
      My son’s first birthday (a cowboy theme) is coming up in June, and I know we’ll go all out again. But hopefully it’s a bit toned down from our daughter’s first. I’ll probably skip on the mechanical bull.
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    • Things can get real, real fast, when kids are playing. Here are ways to mediate that will help children grow.
      “What do I do when my baby reaches over and grabs another baby’s hair?” It's a common question at the playgroup I lead. 

      As a teacher of young children—birth to three years—I see lots of exploration, curiosity and expression of wants that affect other children, as well as parents and caregivers. What is the best way to guide young hearts, hands and minds in a group setting?

      It’s important to remember the age of the child. I have seen two babies, sitting and facing each other, with one extending her hands to touch and grab the other baby’s hair. Now, the intent is curiosity, so there is no need for discipline in this instance, but there is a need to guide the curiosity so no harm is caused.
      If the touch becomes too aggressive, as in grabbing or pinching, we want the adult to take the baby’s hands and stop that action while saying “gentle” and then guiding that hand in a gentle way over the respective caregiver/parent’s arm. Then let the baby try to reach out again—if that baby was not shocked or hurt by the original action. This serves two purposes: showing babies about gentle touch and the way to interact that is socially accepted and safe, and showing the other adults that we are mindful of our child’s or charge’s behavior. 

      When babies turn into toddlers, there is more awareness of actions and consequences. If a 16-month-old grabs a toy that another toddler is playing with and there isn’t an objection from the toy-holder, it does warrant the adult to step in and say something like, “Susan, your friend was playing with that toy. We need to give it back until she is finished and then it’s your turn.” Wait to see if Susan will return the toy. If she resists, then you tell her, “If you cannot give the toy to your friend, Mommy will help you.” Then the adult must follow through.
      Why do that, particularly when the other toddler doesn’t seem affected by it? This sets the stage for life. We cannot take or grab what is not ours; we have to wait our turn. If a fit ensues, then it is best to return the toy for your child and leave the classroom setting so that your child has time away from the environment and the class can continue without the disruption of crying or screaming. 

      As your child approaches two years of age, and older, you can start encouraging her to say “sorry.” If she won’t, then you may stay with your child as you both approach the offended kid and give the apology for your child. Again, we are modeling the behavior we want our child to learn, and it shows the other adults that we are respectful of other children’s feelings, too. 

      It takes a little time, but consistency is the best way to get positive results. 
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    • Pregnant women: Before you give birth, read these inside tips about labor and delivery from a 20-year veteran OB nurse in Chicago.
      If you’re expecting, no doubt you’re receiving unsolicited advice and hearing horror stories. I’ve spent more than 20 years working in OB at three of Chicago’s leading maternity centers. Here is my perspective as a nurse.
      1. There is no crystal ball. Labor is not an exact science. However, the majority of the time, mom and baby are fine, and most couples tell me it was a nicer experience than they expected.
      2. The nurses aren’t mind readers. Tell your labor nurse the top three things about this experience that matter most to you. Or tell her what you absolutely don’t want. Keep it to things within your control.
      3. If you want an unmediated, low-interventional birth, hire a doula. None of the leading maternity centers have doulas on staff. There is evidence to support that using a doula lowers the risk of a C-section. The nurses are there to support you, but we have many things to monitor.
      4. You can always say NO. Medical interventions are often suggested to avoid a C-section. However, there is frequently more than one viable option. Speak up if something doesn’t sound right.
      5. Have a ball with labor. The exercise ball is the closest thing to a magic bullet—really. The labor and delivery unit will have balls available, but have your own so you can use it at home during early labor.
      6. You can move around more than you think with an epidural. You will have to stay in bed once you have an epidural. But remember, movement keeps labor progressing; move from your left side, right side, semi-sitting, kneeling over the top of the bed. Ask your labor nurse about using the peanut-shaped ball; studies show that using this ball to open your pelvis may decrease your risk of a C-section.
      7. Eat before you come to the hospital. Many hospitals still limit eating once you arrive. Be sure to eat at home and stay hydrated. 
      8. Amniotic fluid leaks. The bag of water can break any time during labor. But after it breaks, you will continue to leak fluid throughout labor. Not all the fluid escapes during the initial “break,” and the baby is always making more fluid.
      9. Keep calm and breathe. Slow, conscious breathing will keep you focused and relaxed and serve as a distraction.
      10. You will not recognize your perineum, but it’s OK. Most women have a lot of swelling in their perineum after delivery—more than you can imagine. Use the ice packs and the witch hazel pads that the hospital supplies. It gets better quickly, I promise!
      11. You will be freaked out about pooping after delivery. You will not want to push anything else out of your bottom after delivery. However, constipation makes things worse. Take the stool softener the hospital offers to you.
      12. Delayed cord clamping is not routine at most institutions. In healthy, full-term deliveries, delayed cord clamping may not be routine; you will have to request it.
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    • Parents of special-needs kids have their own special needs. Here's how you can support them while they are caring for their child.
      One thing I know with absolute certainty is that we wouldn't have been able to advocate as hard and effectively as we have for our children without our community. I also know that our kids wouldn't be as strong and stable as they are today without the amazing friends and family who have gone above and beyond to keep us, their parents, strong.    Everyone knows someone with a special-needs child and I guarantee that even if they haven't asked or even if they tell you they just need your thoughts and prayers, they need concrete physical support. I know because I've been there. I've said those things when a well-meaning friend asked, "What can I do?" or "How can I help?" Because I was too overwhelmed to figure out what I needed I just said, "Prayers." Or, worse, I said nothing at all.   The truth is, parents of special-needs kids often need so much more than prayers—we just don't know how to ask for help. But when someone says "Can I do X for you?", the answer is almost always "yes." So please, start offering specific ideas for how you can support parents when you hear their child is sick in the hospital or at home. Your help could very well mean the difference between life and death for a child. Seriously. The better you can support a special-needs family, the more effectively they can advocate for and support their child. And that could affect that child's chance of recovery.    Need some ideas on what you can can offer to parents? In my experience, the following is what my family has needed most. Here are 15 easy (and hard!) ways you can help special-needs families:   When they are in the hospital: Buy groceries and fill their fridge Clean and tidy their home (chances are they left in a hurry!) Offer to take an overnight shift so they can sleep in a real bed Bring coffee  Bring them clean clothes Sit with their child so they can shower Offer to provide transportation to and from hospital (parking costs add up quickly!)   
      When they are home: 
      Offer to come over and sanitize toys Do laundry Bring coffee Bring a meal Send a pizza Offer to entertain babies so parent can fill out paperwork, call insurance companies or just take a shower Offer to spend the night and be the one to deal with beeping machines    Remember, these small things have the potential to make a BIG impact. You may even help save a life. The best way to support a special-needs child is by supporting her parents, so the parents can support the child. Complex children deserve a complex village supporting them every step of the way.    Also keep in mind that this list applies to not only children with medical complexities, but also children with a complex emotional or behavioral diagnosis. Those families need your support, too. 
       
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    • Planning a move? Make it easier on your kids by following these words of advice from a mom of toddler twins.
      My husband and I have moved a few times since getting married. Moving is not fun by any means (especially in Chicago where you have to get creative with rental truck parking, lots of stairs, etc.), but we’ve always managed it by renting a truck and coaxing friends to help us with the promise of pizza and beer.
      Our most recent move was different because now we have twin toddlers who bring more “baggage” (sorry, couldn’t resist) into the equation. After living through this move and talking to friends who have had similar experiences, we created a list of ways we eased the transition (and what we had wished we had done differently!).
      Talk about the move ahead of time
      Explain where they are going, what to expect in terms of housing, daycare/school, friends and parks/museums. Go to their favorite places for the last time for closure, and talk about the fun places near their new home. Assure them their toys and beds/furniture are moving with you, and name all the people in the family (including pets!) to let them know that everyone is coming with them.
      Listen to what they say and help address concerns
      They likely have anxieties about the move and can express them in their own way.
      Have the kids help pack
      Although it is not faster, they will feel like they are helping with the process. Let your kids carry their favorite toys for security during the move. Pack all their essentials for traveling together (pack and play, feeding paraphernalia, changes of clothes, snacks) so you won’t be scrambling to find the necessities for bedtime, bath time, etc. during the transition.
      Say goodbye to every room in the house (or sing the Goodbye Song)
      Set up their toys and furniture first. Even if the rest of the house is a disaster, they will feel more settled when they come into their bedrooms for the first time. If possible, set up the rooms similar to their old rooms.
      Avoid other big transitions around the same time
      Don’t start potty training or change into a big-kid bed if your children are used to sleeping in their cribs.
      Make time for friends, especially if you are moving far away 
      A quick stroller walk for coffee with a good friend will help you stop and breathe, and your kids will definitely notice your less-stressed mood.
      Call in favors for babysitting
      You'll need it during the packing and moving process. If the kids can stay with friends or family on moving day, you can focus on being the moving point person without also making sure there isn’t a child underfoot.
      Consider buying the kids a moving toy that would be special and also serve as a distraction.
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    • The most important things you'll need while breastfeeding, other than a cooperative and hungry baby, of course.
      There are very few secrets left about breastfeeding. We know it’s great for baby; most of us know the benefits to mom’s health, too. It’s always available, it’s always the right temperature, it’s a package of love if/when you return to work, blah, blah, blah… We know all that.
      We also know the more challenging side of breastfeeding: the clogged ducts and teething and pumping and messiness of it all. Breastfeeding horror stories abound in new moms groups, right? But, it’s not exactly news. So, what’s the best-kept secret about breastfeeding? You shouldn’t do it alone. 
      No, I’m serious. Don’t even think for a second that breastfeeding is a do-it-yourself kind of thing. Whether you’re preparing to breastfeed or you’ve been breastfeeding for a while, it’s a good idea to have a couple of the following in your back pocket in case of emergency:
      Phone a friend: Got a friend who breastfed her baby and had a good experience? Call her and call her often. She may not have all the answers, but she can support you emotionally, and breastfeeding is a LOT about emotion, especially in the early days.
      Warning: Friends with breastfeeding baggage are not going to be helpful to you. If you want to breastfeed, you need someone who will cheer you on.  
      Hospital lactation staff: Most hospitals these days are working toward the World Health Organization’s Baby Friendly designation, a set of evidence-based practices designed to get breastfeeding off to a strong start. If your hospital isn’t pursuing this designation, consider birthing at a different hospital because you’re more likely to get booby trapped. After birth, ask for help from the lactation staff. Ask again if needed. Be persistent and ask questions.
      Warning: If you feel like the help you’re getting in the hospital is not helpful, get different help (see IBCLCs below).
      The BSG: Breastfeeding Support Group: Go! Go hang out with a group of other moms who are trying to do the same thing you are! Big plus: no one cares if you baby cries. Well-run groups are supportive, friendly, and informative – they can be a life-saver in those early days of new motherhood. Here is the Chicagoland breastfeeding support group map.
      Bonus: Many breastfeeding support group leaders are available for phone call questions as well. La Leche League and Breastfeeding USA volunteers are trained in helping breastfeeding moms with common questions.
      Warning: Did you attend a group and it wasn’t the right vibe for you? Try a different one! All groups are different. Better yet, bring a friend so if you have to, you can leave early and go get coffee with her.
      The independent IBCLC: Lots of people call themselves lactation consultants, but the term means different things. If you’re having serious breastfeeding issues (ongoing pain, bad latch, cracking or bleeding nipples, slow or low weight gain, lack of poopy and wet diapers), you need help from the most educated ladies in the business: International Board Certified Lactation Consultants. Find a list of independent IBCLCs here. Some insurance plans will pay for visits with an IBCLC.
      Warning: Just as you’d interview a doctor or a doula, you need to interview your IBCLC. Do you have twins, or do you think your baby has a tongue or lip tie? Ask her about her experience with your needs.
      The drop-in clinic: Drop-in clinics are relatively new around Chicagoland, but they’re great for a breastfeeding tune-up! Want to make sure baby is getting enough milk? Is baby’s latch changing and you want to figure out how to fix it? Drop-in clinics are normally staffed by IBCLCs and are less expensive than an in-home IBCLC visit.
      Warning: If you’re having severe breastfeeding issues, the drop-in clinic won’t give you the one-on-one time you need with a professional. You need a home visit.
      Online support: I won’t lie, my favorite online breastfeeding support resource is Breastfeed Chicago. We’ve got a great website and we have mother-to-mother support on our Facebook group. Online resources are great for those middle-of-the night questions or to see what other breastfeeding moms are doing.
      And don't forget, the NPN Discussion Forum is also a great place to communicate with other parents going through similar challenges.
      Warning: Online support doesn’t replace in-person support. If you’re in real need of help, find a real person to help you.
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    • Before you grab the kids and go, consider these 10 steps to help you through the pain of an affair.
      You have discovered or have been told that your partner has been having an affair. You’ve been hit by a ton of bricks engulfed by a tsunami of emotions ranging from anger, resentment, wanting to seek revenge to sadness, despair and helplessness.     One of the first questions that may arise is “Should I stay or should I go?” While the answer is there and is different for everyone, you may not have an immediate answer or you unequivocally have the answer and are already in the height of your action plan. Whether you do not know the answer or are in overdrive planning every detail of your action plan, let me suggest hitting the pause button and consider these steps.       1. Do not make any immediate decisions regarding your marriage. You are experiencing one of life’s most devastating and traumatic events, which flood you with emotional intensity overriding judgment and reasoning. Acting now may entail regrets later. Remember your relationship with your spouse and family has developed over time. Your marriage and children are one of your life’s biggest investments, which warrant time to determine this important decision and its lifelong impact.     2. Experience your feelings and sit with your values. Experience your feelings as they arise. Take note of how your upbringing, values or religious beliefs may play a role in figuring out what to do. Grab a journal and write it all out.   3. Talk with those you trust. You will want to obtain support from others. Select a few people you truly trust. Telling everyone can be very damaging by creating more confusion and chaos. Not to mention, if you and your spouse decide to stay together, some family and friends may not be able to recover and re-integrate into your family.     4. Begin a self-care program. Taking care of yourself is vital to your well-being during this time. Tune into the basics, such as a getting adequate sleep, eating a healthy, balanced diet, and exercising. You may want to shift your focus by picking up a hobby or enrolling in a fun class.    5. Remain committed to other areas of your life. Continue to be present by focusing on your children, going to work and taking care of your household.   6. Confront your spouse. Find the appropriate time and environment to ask your spouse general questions about the affair. Do not engage in "pain shopping" by demanding nitty-gritty details that will only be more traumatic.    7. Become educated. Read some books about infidelity and begin to understand the various contributing factors that can lead to infidelity.     8. Get counseling and therapy. Meet with an individual therapist for guidance and support during this time, especially given the risk of depression and anxiety. Seeking couples therapy will be important if the goals are to explore and understand the contributing factors to the infidelity; to repair, heal and rebuild the marriage; or to transition to separation and divorce.      9. Consult with a lawyer. You may want to obtain general information about your rights and the legal process.    10.  Consider whether to tell the children. Infidelity does affect children. Whether you tell them what's going on depends on various factors, some of which include the type of infidelity, whether children know or are at risk of discovering, age of children, and whether parents remain together or divorce. A therapist can guide parents as to what to and what not to share based on these factors.     Experiencing unfaithfulness in marriage is one of the most crushing experiences a person can go through. Engaging in these steps will help you get through the pain in the best way possible with integrity. They can also help you gain greater insight and awareness into your marriage and determine the answer and the best course of action for you and your family.
       
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    • Follow these tips to avoid making kid birthday party blunders, whether you're throwing the party or your kid is on the guest list.
      Every party, big or small, has a pooper—don’t let it be you. What am I talking about specifically? Birthday party etiquette for parents. If you are in any local Facebook mom groups or have checked out the NPN forum, you will see that parents are making party fouls left and right that end with tears from both kids and adults. Here’s how to avoid kid birthday party blunders:   If you're throwing a party...
      No one likes to be left out. So err on the side of caution and invite every single kid in the class, no exceptions. Don’t have the budget for it? Re-evaluate what the party entails and trim costs from there. There are so many different birthday party venues in the area for all types of budgets, or you can always throw a fantastic party at home.   Be clear on exactly WHO is invited. If it is a drop-off party (oh, how I can’t wait until my boys are old enough for these), be sure to explicitly state who should be dropped off. Maybe something along the lines of, “Logan is so excited to celebrate with his friends outside of the classroom.” If it isn’t a drop-off party, clearly state if the entire family is welcome through wording such as “The Simkin Family” on the invitation.   Sharing photos of other kids on social media is a very sticky subject for some. I like to be mindful of those parents who aren’t active (or even present at all) on social media and instead only share a photo or two of my own kids from the party. And, really, my family and friends don’t have any interest in seeing photos of kids they don’t know anyway.   Want to skip all of the birthday party drama all together? Have your kid pick a best friend or cousin to have a special day when the birthday child gets to plan his favorite things to do. For some inspiration, check out my favorite things to do in the city and in the 'burbs. I personally love this idea because it is more of an experience, and these were the most memorable ways I spent my birthdays as a child.   If your child is invited to a party...
      RSVP. Doesn’t matter if the invitation was verbal, in writing, or sent in an email. RSVP. Seriously. Or else be prepared to have something from Emily Post waiting for you on your doorstep.   Have questions about whether siblings are invited, if it is a drop-off party, if food is going to be served, etc.? Just ask. The party host will be glad to clear up any confusion and avoid the unexpected.   Stick to the same budget for each party you attend. Don’t stress about how much the Joneses spend on birthday gifts; stick to what works for your family’s situation. My go-to gift? A box from Kiwi Crate, which ranges between $12 and $20. All I have to do is stick a bow on the cute box and we are ready to go.  
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