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Trending: Parenting Changes Dads’ Brains TooAnyone who’s experienced “baby brain” knows that it can be disorienting to forget basic information or not quite feel like yourself. Those sensations are all valid and come with a huge explanation: Pregnancy literally reshapes a mother’s brain. Brain rewiring: Pregnant moms’ brains shed gray matter—about 5% overall. Smarter for motherhood: Expectant mothers’ brains change in the areas that impact empathy and bonding, in anticipation of the work of motherhood. In second pregnancies, those changes become even more fine-tuned. Long-lasting effects: The effects of this brain rewiring can last up to six yearsafter having a baby. Gray matter rebuilds: Mother’s brains rebuild gray matter in the first weeks, months, or potentially years after birth. Pretty incredible! Moms aren’t the only ones who experience a brain reconfiguration in preparation for a baby. New research shows dads’ brains also conduct a bit of “pruning” and gradually reduce gray matter in the first few months postpartum. The loss of gray matter isn’t as substantial as what moms experience, but the changes indicate that fathers' brains change to become primed for caregiving. There are so many questions about the effects of brain changes for postpartum moms. More research could help us learn more about the long-term impacts and the link with postpartum depression, which impacts one in eight women in the U.S. TL;DR: Parents' brains change (maybe even forever) after welcoming children, and that’s astounding. 👋 Are you an expectant or new mom (or do you know one) looking for community? NPN will be (re)launching a New Moms Group this fall. Stay tuned! In Chicago Parenting News: This Chicago-area college exists virtually even after it closed its physical campus in May. Chalkbeat reports that most schools decided to keep their assistant principals even after CPS cut funding. CPS’ budget is in the works for next year, but the Chicago Sun-Times reports that these important school resources will remain untouched. The Illinois Department of Early Childhood will now perform the work done by three former early childhood state agencies. Parenting IRL: Tips to Simplify ParentingThe pressure to do “all the things” as a parent can feel insurmountable at times. This is a topic we’ve been chatting about in this newsletter in recent weeks, and it’s the subject of a forum post that’s resonating with many NPN community members. One parent asks for advice on how to simplify parenting and family life beyond trimming down activity lists. How can you do less while still providing for your children without feeling guilt or FOMO? What do you do about the pressure you feel from your children, friends, or yourself to do it all? Let us know how you maintain balance. Subscribe to the NPN Weekly to get more parenting news, trends, and tips straight to your inbox! -
Preparing for birth, especially your first (as with all things parenting), can feel daunting. Birthing education classes are a common recommendation, but has mindful-based birthing been on your or your loved ones’ radar? We spoke with Certified Mindful Birthing and Parenting Teacher, Claire Zawa, about the basics of mindful birthing, and how the skills gained in this practice can translate more broadly into mindful parenting and living. 1. What is mindful-based birthing? Mindfulness as the awareness that arises from paying attention, on purpose, moment by moment, with kindness and curiosity. We are all born mindful. As we grow and move through the world, we often forget that we can do one thing at a time, that we can be fully present, with ourselves and others. So, we can make choices to remember, to grow, to deepen our capacity to be here now. Mindfulness-Based Childbirth & Parenting (MBCP) or Mindful Birthing, is an evidence-based, comprehensive childbirth education class, a parenting preparation class, AND training in the life skills of mindfulness—all-in-one! 2. How do expectant parents know if mindful birthing is right for them? Or is it a fit for anyone? Mindful Birthing is supportive of all birth preferences, options, and outcomes. Classes are non-judgmental, compassionate spaces that honor the unique experiences of family-making process. Whether or not you have prior experience with mindfulness, meditation, yoga, pregnancy, parenting—you are welcome here. 3. What are the core areas of focus in mindful birthing classes/the skills parents can expect to work on? In Mindful Birthing we will: Learn about the anatomy and physiology of labor, delivery and breast/chest-feeding. Practice individual and partner comfort measures. Access physical and mental relaxation. Engage the mind to work with physical discomfort and pain. Increase confidence and courage for the experiences of birth and parenting. Practice prenatal yoga for strength and flexibility. Develop skills for managing stress in pregnancy, parenting and life as it is right now. Build a toolbox of skills to support experiences in birth and parenting. Enhance communication with partner and health care providers. Become more aware of your own approach, priorities and preferences around birth and parenting. 4. How does mindful-based birthing translate to mindful parenting? In class, we talk about “the contractions of life:” [in] labor, of a crying baby, a tantruming toddler, a stressful work situation, a “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.” The practices we share in class are tools for life. Your baby can be your greatest mindfulness teacher, if you are paying attention. 5. If you could give one piece of advice or encouragement to expectant parents about mentally/emotionally preparing for birth and new parenting, what would it be? Change is the only constant. What if it’s not about good or bad, but instead it’s transformational? Claire Zawa (she/her) is a Certified Mindful Birthing & Parenting teacher, and leads 4 and 9-week classes for expectant people as an Associate Faculty at the Mindful Birthing & Parenting Foundation. She also offers 1:1 private sessions incorporating mindfulness, self-compassion, and habit-change coaching skills to support the entire parenting journey. Mindfulness has been integral in her own experiences of parenting an almost 4-year old. Learn more at www.mindfulbirthingchicago.com -
Trending: The Rise of Home BirthsEarlier this spring I listened to The Birth Keepers, a heavy but captivating podcast series by the Guardian about the free birth trend, which involves giving birth at home without any medical involvement. Emily Oster covered this topic at the beginning of June and was adamant that no one pursue free births. Medically attended home births, however, are a different story. Oster and others point to data that shows more people are turning away from the hospital for births—though with the help of a medical professional at home. In 2019, 1% of births happened at home. In 2023, that number jumped to 3.5%. Home births spiked to a 30-year high during the pandemic. The shift could be a combination of factors, including: The rise of c-sections (again) to approximately 1 in 3 U.S. births. A black maternal mortality rate that’s about 3.5 times higher than among non-Hispanic white women. An increase in the number of certified midwives, with licensing or some sort of regulation in 38 states. While Oster flatly discourages free birthing, she points to the potential benefits of medically attended home births, including fewer interventions. But if transferring to a hospital is necessary, the complications and risk factors increase. Even Oster admits that there’s no right or wrong answer about home births. It’s a highly personal decision, where and how to give birth, and facts and figures only ever tell a fraction of the story. 👋 Are you an expectant or new mom looking for community? NPN will be (re)launching a New Moms Group this fall. Stay tuned! In Chicago Parenting News: This after-school program aims to teach AI literacy to kids with good old-fashioned pen and paper. Thanks to a network of 277 air quality monitors, Chicago can keep an eye on air pollution year-round. The Chicago Sun-Times reports that a quarter-million student loan borrowers in Illinois need new repayment plans. Parenting IRL: Gratitude From Our ChildrenParenting comes with numerous challenges, but this recent post on our forum is a helpful reminder to zoom out and acknowledge the loving, thoughtful things children do to show appreciation. Teaching gratitude is a parenting pillar for many of us, which makes moments like a thank you for preparing a meal or an offer to pick something up at the store all the more meaningful. What do you your kids do to show that they’re thinking of or appreciate you? We’d love to hear from you! Subscribe to the NPN Weekly to get more parenting news, trends, and tips straight to your inbox! -
Amy, Sitaara, and Lydia Thibodeau, founder of Sommet Nannies, discuss how parents can conduct an independent nanny search. In this session, parents will learn how to identify and address red and yellow flags that might come up with their nanny candidates during the search process. This recording was first published on NPN's podcast, Chicago Style Parenting, in November 2025. -
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We're sorry for the inconvenience. This event has been cancelled due to a schedule change at Gallagher Way. Join NPN members at Gallagher Way for free morning yoga. The class begins at 7:00 AM. Arrive at 6:30 AM to check in for yoga and meet with fellow NPN members. Click here to fill out a waiver for Gallagher Way and learn more details. For inclement weather check the Gallagher Way Facebook and Instagram pages. Required: RSVP here to let us know you are coming! Gallagher Way is located at 3635 N Clark St. If you like, meet up at Do-Rite Donuts and Chicken after for our Academic Center/High School parent chat. More information here: https://www.npnparents.org/events/event/611-academic-centerhigh-school-parent-chat/ -
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Come together with other parents, educators, and advocates from across Chicago to share and learn about how to better support young children ages birth - 5 with disabilities at the Every Child Ready Chicago Strengthening Inclusion Symposium on Saturday, December 7th at Malcolm X College. This event will feature: ✏️ Remarks from Chicago Mayor’s Office and Chicago Public Schools leadership 🤝 Resources and presentations on services and resources available for children with disabilities ages birth - 5 in Chicago 🎒Presentations for staff, advocates, and systems leaders on the benefits of inclusive special education models 🥪 Lunch 🎈Activities for families and children - Join NPN for an activity at our table! Learn more about the initiative on their website. There will be lunch served and activities for kids! All are welcome to attend! Learn more and register to attend at https://cvent.me/Y9OV2D -
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All new and expecting parents are invited to Chicago's Ultimate Baby Shower! Join us for an afternoon packed with education, pampering, connection, conversations with local experts, and the best products! You will enjoy: - Break-out sessions with Chicago Experts - Complimentary min-spa services - Community building & parent connection - Maternity and new parent photo shoots with TK Photography - Giveaways and information from your favorite Chicago providers including Lil Gourmets, Fit4Mom, Chicago Family Doulas, Bennett Day School, B. Wise Rehabilitation, Kids Work Chicago, British International School of Chicago Lincoln Park, Beauty & the Babe, In Touch Pediatrics, Melt Children's Clothing, and more! Check back soon for more details. Baby gear expert Jamie Grayson of Baby Registry Lab will give the keynote address. Purchase a VIP ticket to attend the keynote! You will be able to ask questions and get hands-on demonstrations of a range of baby gear. He will walk you through products and safety basics in top baby gear categories like car seats, strollers, carriers, and high chairs. During Jamie's address, VIP ticket holders will have a chance to win strollers from Peg Perego and Joovy, a Peg Perego car seat, or a Joovy high chair! Plus, bring diapers or wipes to donate to Share our Spare for your chance to win one of our amazing raffle prizes, including baby mattresses from Kiwi Sleep and Naturpedic, a bottle warmer from Chicco, a play yard from Breeze Go, diaper bags from Enya Mond, City Mouse, and Liing Bag, gift cards from Mable's Labels and Sweetgreen, sensory toys from Innobaby, and a massage from Becca Grimwade Brown. Check bag for more details! Learn more and purchase tickets here: npnparents.org/babyshower Do you have questions for the organizers? Let us know. Would you like your business to be part of this amazing event? Please tell us. -
Does this sound familiar? You have a breastfeeding problem and go to your doctor, who looks back at you with a blank stare. Or recommends you switch to formula. Or sends you to another doctor who doesn’t know what to do. Unfortunately, this scenario is all too common. It happened to me when I had my first baby! I saw a lactation consultant as well as my OB/gyn for recurrent plugged ducts and eventually saw a breast surgeon who couldn’t figure out what was going on. Thankfully, we ruled out anything serious, but I continued to struggle with an uncomfortable situation throughout my lactation journey. As a direct result of my difficulty getting answers to my breastfeeding problems, I pursued specialized training in lactation and discovered the field of Breastfeeding and Lactation Medicine (BFLM). Excellent breastfeeding and chestfeeding support can and does come from various professionals: lactation consultants, counselors, specialists, midwives, doulas, and yes - OB/GYNs, pediatricians, and family medicine doctors. Believe me, if I didn’t have lactation consultants helping me through my journey, I don’t think I would have made it through in one piece! But when I, like many, encountered a more complex problem that required physician expertise, I couldn’t find anyone to help. Through my professional goals of learning more about lactation, I learned about a little-known group of physicians who had been treating breastfeeding conditions for years – physicians with expertise in the medical nuances, evaluation, and treatment of lactation-related problems. I took every course and went to every conference I could find in the field. Since the start of my training, BFLM has become a board-certified medical specialty through the North American Board of Breastfeeding and Lactation Medicine. BFLM provides something distinctive. It is a niche within medicine where providers from different specialties acquire specialized training in caring for breastfeeding dyads. BFLM physicians are different from other lactation professionals in that we can diagnose, order labs or imaging, and prescribe medications or other treatments as part of our care. We are equipped with evidence-based medical expertise to provide that crucial support that was lacking during my journey. BFLM covers a wide range of concerns: painful latch, high or low milk production, recurrent plugged ducts and mastitis, persistent breast and nipple pain, tongue tie concerns, and maternal or infant medical conditions affecting breastfeeding. It also includes support for mothers with twins, re-lactation, and inducing lactation for adoptive or non-birthing parents wishing to lactate. With the addition of BFLM physicians to women’s care teams, I hope that no one feels that their only choice is to switch to formula because they cannot find the support they need. How to feed your infant is a personal choice, and I support families regardless of their choices. However, I strongly advocate for access to appropriate support to make sure that those who do choose to breastfeed or chestfeed can be given their best chance at reaching their goals. -
The NPN team is pleased to introduce Dr. Cindy Rubin, owner of In Touch Pediatrics and Lactation as a resident expert at NPN. This is your chance to ask her everything you wanted to know about the fourth trimester, infant pediatrics, breastfeeding, and more. Post your questions for Dr. Rubin on the NPN Discussion Forum on Tuesday, February 27th from 7:00 AM - 9:00 PM. Dr. Rubin will answer your questions that evening. Once all questions are answered, we will close the thread, but it will live on in the forum for your reference. Go ahead and ask her anything! A bit about Dr. Rubin: Dr. Rubin is a general pediatrician and board-certified breastfeeding medicine specialist practicing in the Western Suburbs of Chicago. She worked as an outpatient general pediatrician at a large academic center for 13 years before opening her Direct Care practice, In Touch Pediatrics and Lactation. Dr. Rubin loves providing care in patients’ homes, when and where they need it most! Her personal journeys with postpartum and breastfeeding led her to focus on improving care in this field for everyone! She offers physician-level lactation consults and in-home postpartum newborn and mom support packages (pediatric and lactation) in the Chicagoland area. She continues to be involved in teaching medical students as the adviser for her Breastfeeding and Lactation 4th Year Elective, and she serves as the Co-Chair for the Committee on Breastfeeding for the Illinois chapter of the AAP. She is also a founding board member of the North American Board of Breastfeeding and Lactation Medicine. Important Information about this Event: NPN's Discussion Forum is available to NPN members only. Not a member of NPN? Join now and use promo code join30off to save $30. Don't miss everything that NPN has to offer new and expecting parents: Childcare Daycare & School Search Developmental Differences Discussion Forum Things to do NPN Member Discounts
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NPN's New Parents Group is your monthly opportunity to meet other new parents in a comfortable and relaxed setting. If you are a new parent with a child under two years old we hope you join us! Come on your own or bring your baby with you. Older siblings are welcome too. This group is exclusively for parents of Neighborhood Parents Network, Bubbles Academy, Chicago Moms Network, and Olive You Nanny. Not connected with any of these organizations? Join NPN now using promo code NewMom24 to save $30 on your NPN membership and we'll connect you to the other amazing organizations too! Plus, right now, NPN members get a discount at Bubbles Academy! (Click here for details.) Date: Tuesday, January 23, 2024 Time: 2:00 - 4:00 PM Location: Bubbles Academy Arts-Integrated Preschool in Bucktown, 2184 N. Elston Ave. Parking: Free parking in the lot next to the building Questions? Email amy@npnparents.org Don't miss everything that NPN has to offer new and expecting parents: Childcare School Search Developmental Differences Discussion Forum Things to do Discounts -
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NPN's New Parents Group is your monthly opportunity to meet other new parents in a comfortable and relaxed setting. If you are a new parent with a child under two years old we hope you join us! Come on your own or bring your baby with you. Older siblings are welcome too. This group is exclusively for parents of Neighborhood Parents Network, Bubbles Academy, Chicago Moms Network, and Olive You Nanny. Not connected with any of these organizations? Join NPN now using promo code NewMom24 to save $30 on your NPN membership and we'll connect you to the other amazing organizations too! Plus, right now, NPN members get a discount at Bubbles Academy! (Click here for details.) Date: Thursday, February 22, 2024 Time: 2:00 - 4:00 PM Location: Bubbles Academy's Gold Coast location, at 900 N. Michigan Ave. Parking: You can access the Bubbles Academy space via the 900 Self-Park Garage (August Level) or elevators from Michigan Avenue. Bubbles Academy is located on Level 6, across from Bloomingdales, down the corridor to the parking garage. Parking validation provided The current validation provides up to 3 hours of parking for a $10 fee. Please note the parking validation criteria can change at any time and is managed by the shopping center. Questions? Email amy@npnparents.org Don't miss everything that NPN has to offer new and expecting parents: Childcare School Search Developmental Differences Discussion Forum Things to do Discounts -
The NPN team is pleased to introduce Sarah Davis, founder and CEO of Olive You Nanny as a resident expert at NPN. You've watched her in NPN's live sessions, read her articles on our website, and seen her recommended on the forum. Now is your chance to ask her everything you wanted to know about the process of hiring, working with, and building a positive relationship with your nanny. Post your questions for Sarah on the NPN Discussion Forum on Thursday, November 30th from 7:00 AM - 9:00 PM. Sarah will answer your questions throughout the day. Once all questions are answered, we will close the thread, but it will live on in the forum for your reference. Go ahead and ask her anything! A bit about Sarah: Sarah Davis is the Founder and CEO of Olive You Nanny and its sister brand, Olive Us. Sarah began her entrepreneurial career as a nanny in her early high school years. She moved from a small town in Wisconsin to San Francisco after school for a nanny role. She moved to Denver and then Chicago, learning about what it took to build a successful career as a nanny. Each time she moved, she was met with the same reality - there were no agencies who cared about the personal connections between families and nannies. They didn’t seem to understand that nannies are an integral part of each family they work for. So, in 2005, she began sourcing and matching nannies for families in Chicago. She would meet with the families in their homes and then meet with the potential nannies in person as well, asking more profound questions about their personalities, their parenting styles, and more. She officially launched Olive You Nanny in 2005. Since then, Olive You Nanny has expanded to 8 cities, including Austin, Atlanta, Chicago, Dallas, Denver, Los Angeles, Nashville, and Phoenix. In each city, they provide full-service support to families. Important Information about this Event: NPN's Discussion Forum is available to NPN members only. Not a member of NPN? Join now and use promo code join30off to save $30. Other NPN programming for New Parents 11/15 Developmental Differences Parent Support Group 11/29 Member Networking (NPN members only) 12/3 NPN Playdate at Mary Meyer School 12/12 New Parents Group (NPN members only)
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NPN Parent Chats are your monthly virtual opportunity to join in on a casual conversation centered around topics that matter to you. Unlike our monthly webinars that are more structured and have a presenter and topic - you get to lead the discussion, vent about current happenings, or just observe and chime in as you see fit; think of it as our forum in video format! Sitaara and Amy from the NPN staff team will join you. If you've been craving connection, we hope you join us. RSVP today! You will receive an email confirmation, including the Zoom link, immediately upon registration. We will also send you the Zoom link the morning of the event. These chats are for NPN members only. Not a member? For a limited time, join NPN for $20 using promo code school23. This also gets you into the school fair for free! -
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We're excited to launch Parent Chats! Your monthly virtual opportunity to join in on a casual conversation centered around topics that matter to you. Unlike our monthly webinars that are more structured and have a presenter and topic - you get to lead the discussion, vent about current happenings, or just observe and chime in as you see fit; think of it as our forum in video format! Sitaara and Amy from the NPN staff team will join you. If you've been craving connection but not eager about getting out in the real world for it to happen - we hope you join us. Here are the topics and dates for each Parent Chat this June through August. Participating parents will be automatically entered to win raffle prizes at each chat! In this June chat, focusing on pregnancy - preschool, you could win: - A one hour consultation with infant sleep expert, Serene Swaddles - A one hour consultation with childbirth educator, Serene Swaddles - A birth options consultation with Jo Ann Lindberg of Birthlink June 9th: Chat about the early years: pregnancy - preschool July 14th: Talk about the elementary school years: Kindergarten - 6th grade August 18th: Celebrate the tween-teen years: 7th grade - 12th grade -
It was an early Sunday morning in March 2012. I did not get much sleep the night before, because I was 4 months pregnant with our second child, and our first child, Luke, had just received a diagnosis of autism and epilepsy. To say that I was stressed would be an understatement. Related: Your Child Received a Diagnosis, Now What? After speaking to my nursing pediatrician, it was recommended that I join a few community groups for support and resources. It was in this search that I found out about a resource fair that was created for parents just like me - parents that were overwhelmed, stressed, and on the hunt for resources and community. I was determined to provide my children with the best options available and realized that attending this fair might help me do just that. Overwhelmed with loneliness, desperation, and fear of our new normal we went to our first NPN Developmental Differences Resource Fair (DDRF) that morning. If I close my eyes right now, I can remember the moment I walked into my first NPN Developmental Differences Resources Fair. I can remember looking around and seeing so many resources and so many families, like mine, all in one room. Instantly, my stress levels decreased and I breathed a sigh of relief as the feeling of hope, which had escaped me for several months, came flooding back. I was able to connect with so many resources at once! The biggest takeaway was the connections with the other families I met; just knowing I was not alone gave me so much encouragement. The following year, I returned for my second DDRF. This time I was more confident, I knew exactly which resources I needed, and I was prepared with questions to ask. My biggest takeaway that second year at DDRF was that there is literally a resource for everything. Education, extra-curricular activities, therapies, government benefits, financial planning, whatever it is - there is a resource for it. I just had no idea where to look to find all of the information that I needed and had been too exhausted as a new mom to seek out the resources on my own. Related: Raising a Black Autistic Boy in America Fast forward to today and my son is now 12 years old and thriving! I have to say that being an advocate for my son and utilizing the resources that I found at NPN’s DDRF have made all the difference. I am proud to report that we have been able to change the trajectory of our son’s progress for the better. One of the best decisions I ever made was to pull my exhausted, desperate, hopeless, and stressed self out of bed that morning in March 2012, and take the first steps towards building our community and support network. -
The irony of being a divorce and family law attorney who deals with the dissolution of the family unit and then writing about the creation of a family through in-vitro fertilization is not lost on me. But then again, nothing about life is predictable or often linear. My journey through IVF was similar to that of many others. I was never one to dream about babies and motherhood, but when the time was right for me, I was ready to jump. But lo and behold, my body had other plans for me. Most of us at age 35 are considered to be in the prime of our lives — professionally, socially and emotionally. I had graduated from law school a few years earlier after having made a career switch from public relations. I was primed to do anything and that included getting married and having kids. But in the world of reproduction, I was teetering on the verge of being geriatric. After six months of trying to get pregnant “naturally” and considering the ticking clock, my husband and I decided to have a consultation at the Fertility Centers of Illinois. After a series of tests, it was determined that both of us were producing what we needed to bear children. The problem was, I couldn’t get pregnant and time was not on our side. We decided to try one round of IUI (intrauterine insemination) before embarking on the IVF (in-vitro fertilization) route. Related: Path to Parenthood: From infertility to adoption] When I think back to what became of my life — of needles and daily monitoring and sitting in waiting rooms while my name of “Katy M.” was called out (no last names are used so as to avoid confidential information being shared) — it is all a giant haze. The first round produced no eggs of sufficient quality for fertilization. Drugs were changed and monitoring became more intense. I dealt with daily shots and every morning returning to the fertility center to see how my body was faring. As a result of the new protocol, I produced multiple eggs, which were harvested (keep an eye on your language when you’re coming out of being anesthetized; thank goodness for the lightheartedness of the FCI staff) and then fertilized. A few quality embryos resulted and we discussed with our doctor the pros and cons of implanting more than one at a time. After some serious consideration, we decided to implant two. And…no pregnancy. Heartbroken, we took some time off. The process had been emotionally and physically exhausting. My body just needed a break. Luckily we had three embryos that we had frozen and when it was time, we implanted two. This time, my body cooperated and I became pregnant. Nine months later, my son Luke was born. [Related: What I went through to become a single mother by choice] We waited about two years to embark on the journey again. I was now 38 and practically a senior citizen by fertility standards. My law career was bustling and I was slated to make partner. While not technically convenient to become pregnant again, it was now or never. We had one more frozen embryo in storage which was implanted. I had thought that given the “youth” of the embryo, pregnancy would be a no-brainer. Well, I was wrong. I then embarked on round three of harvesting and fertilization. To say that a few years aged my uterus was an understatement. I was the mom of a 1 ½ year old (read: exhausted), my body produced very few eggs, and when they were fertilized, there were very few viable embryos. My doctor said she would take the very “best” and keep her fingers crossed. Pregnancy number two was not likely, and my husband I discussed adoption as an alternative. I remember driving home from our lake house and googling adoption agencies. It was so overwhelming, I just had to stop. My doctor transferred the embryo and just one day later, I was on trial for a very contentious case. I was sure the stress of trial would prevent a pregnancy. But I had no other choice. After a grueling 10 days, I decided to take a pregnancy test. Positive. I could not believe it. Here I had a “questionable” embryo implanted, I was on trial, and I was nearly a senior citizen in the eyes of reproductive staff. It was a miracle. Nine months later, my feisty daughter was born. She turned out to be a fighter, which I knew would be the fact the moment she held on for dear life that day my doctor took a chance on her. While my fertility journey is far from unique, it is personal to me. It has helped shape me into the mother — and person — I am today. -
I chose married life at the age of 40. I felt a bond with my future husband when we met. My first impression: I felt like I was meeting someone I already knew. Fast-forward a year and a few months when we decided to make our dreams of parenthood come true. A Thanksgiving positive pregnancy test! We shared our happy news. I attempted to schedule an appointment with my ob/gyn. Things became strange quickly. I was told that I could only see a nurse, until I was further into the first trimester. Huh? Two ultrasounds later, a feeling of dread increased. A nurse came and told us that the baby was known as a “missed abortion." This medical term refers to the situation when “the pregnancy stops developing, but the pregnancy tissue does not pass out of the uterus for at least four weeks”. The practice's administrator accompanied the doctor's delivery of the sad news by asking if we were satisfied with our experience at the practice. I greatly appreciated my husband's response: “Well, other than that, how did you like the play Mrs. Lincoln?” Our experience highlights the importance of speaking about pregnancy, pregnancy loss, and infertility very carefully and sensitively. The language used in the U.S. to discuss this experience regularly fails to encompass the complexities of pregnancy, and pregnancy loss. [Related: Three IVF myths you probably believe] So, how to have our miscarriage? The hospital was only willing to induce a miscarriage; they were uninterested in helping me have a natural miscarriage. Targeted medical research showed that surgical miscarriages could damage the cervix, making future pregnancies more difficult. A friend who had experienced a miscarriage for each of her successful births, told me that a miscarriage is comparable to a birth. The doctor's office told me to wait no longer than three weeks to miscarry. Within two-and-a half-weeks, I began experiencing lower back pain at work. We had the miscarriage at home, catching the “products of conception” in large plastic containers. At one point I felt extremely light headed and asked my husband to call the practice. By the time the doctor on call called back, the feeling had passed. I had felt lightheaded as the fetal sac passed from my body intact. I held my baby in my hands and thought about he or she. Then I spoke with the doctor, who told me under what circumstances I should come into the hospital. I never needed to, but it would have been nice for the medical professionals to have shared this information in advance. Some people have home births; I had a home miscarriage. We tried again and became pregnant. This time we had a heartbeat! My husband's expression of joy included a gift of a Beanie Baby kangaroo. My much younger sister was also pregnant, and we imagined raising our children together. Our mother was looking forward to her first grandchildren. But on a follow-up doctor's visit, we learned that the baby had died in utero. Since my pregnancy was more advanced, we opted for a surgical miscarriage. On the day my miscarriage was scheduled, I went for a final ultrasound, to insure that the baby had no heartbeat. Then I went to the hospital for the medical procedure known as a miscarriage. I visualized a miscarriage with no surgical damage. Later the doctor told me two things that I appreciate knowing: He told me that I must have been ready to miscarry, since he touched my body and the miscarriage began with minimal medical contribution to the process. I told him I had visualized my miscarriage happening this way. Next, he told me that I had asked to hold the baby. All I'd known is that I came out of the anesthetic with tears on my face. I appreciated the facts that the doctor shared with me. A final, extremely-early miscarriage, several years, and an adoption later, we have a beloved son. We chose adoption as our path to parenthood, and we enjoy our son every day. Given the fact that Roe v. Wade has been overturned, I feel it necessary to say that I support every woman's right to choose, and to make, with her doctor, the medical decisions necessary to preserve her physical and mental health. The ignorance resulting from the misinformation spread by those who fail to grasp the complexities of pregnancy, childbirth, and pregnancy loss threatens women, children, and society at large. -
In June 2021, we visited friends in the suburbs for a “pandemic baby” party. With all adults vaccinated and the older kids wearing masks, we gathered outside to hug friends we hadn’t seen in 18 months and meet the eight new babies among us who had come into the world during that time. Although COVID-19 was far from gone, the event was symbolic — something of a bookend to my pregnancy, birth and postpartum experience, all of which took place during the pandemic. My husband and I had planned to try for our second baby in late spring of 2020, but the uncertainty of the pandemic threw all that into question. However, after realizing that our lives were in many ways safer than ever with strict quarantining, and based on the encouragement of my OB, we decided to go for it. Many people over the course of the year asked me how it felt to be pregnant and have a newborn during the pandemic, often commenting, “You must be so nervous!” Admittedly, some parts were nerve-wracking. I wish my husband could have attended the 8-week and 20-week appointments with me, for example. And it was certainly stressful to worry about having my parents quarantine for long enough before coming to help after the birth. But more often than not, the experience proved to be a bright light in an otherwise dark period. Here are the four reasons I enjoyed having a pandemic baby. 1. I didn’t have to see many people in person. As most second-time moms can attest, you start showing a lot earlier with the second pregnancy, often well before you’re ready to share the news. Without in-person gatherings and in-office work, I didn’t have to take pains to hide my growing bump or morning sickness. In fact, some of my coworkers from other departments didn’t even know I was pregnant until they saw my out-of-office maternity leave message. [Related: A tale of two postpartum experiences] 2. I didn’t miss out on social events. When I was pregnant with my first, I found it difficult to adjust from having an active social life to sitting on the sidelines. Pregnancy can feel like you’re frozen in time as the rest of the world moves forward without you. Although I tried to remain as social as possible, I couldn’t help but feel left out when I had to drink water at a work happy hour or duck out early from a late dinner with friends. With a pandemic baby, most social events fell to the wayside for everyone. I didn’t feel like I was missing out because, unfortunately, everyone was missing out. 3. I got to savor the final months of having a family of three. Although the pandemic introduced an overwhelming degree of chaos for parents, particularly those of school-age kids, it also provided an opportunity to spend more quality time with the family. Without the distractions of playdates, activities and trips to visit family and friends back home, my husband and I were able to soak up time with our 3-year-old. Christmas, which usually involves a whirlwind tour of Wisconsin to see as much family as possible, last year consisted of the three of us making dinner and enjoying a quiet evening opening gifts in front of the tree. I remember moments where I just sat and marveled at my daughter’s beautiful face, grateful for her, our health, and our safety. I had time to be in the moment with her, before life changed drastically once again. [Related: Is your relationship ready for baby? 4 tips to prepare your partnership] 4. I had hope for the future when every other part of life felt hopeless. The degree of uncertainty, fear of illness, sadness over the thousands of deaths in the U.S. alone, and stress of working with a child at home were enough to feel like the world was ending. Pregnancy provided an escape, a chance to see the future through a hopeful lens when the world was crumbling around us. Bringing new life into the world felt like an act of defiance in the face of a relentless virus that took so many lives. I’ll always be grateful for the joy my pregnancy provided when little else did. As fortunate as I feel to have had a positive experience with pregnancy during the pandemic, nothing compares to the privilege of living a safe, healthy, and normal life. When I attended the pandemic baby party last summer, it was emotional and somewhat surreal. The other moms and I found ourselves reminiscing about the experience and swapping stories from the previous year. But soon enough, the pandemic talk got old. With our spouses laughing on the deck and our children playing together in the sprinkler, we decided to spend the rest of the day looking to the future — to the joys of normal, routine life we hoped were right around the corner. -
A day or so after giving birth to my first baby, a terror set in — a realization that my life had forever changed. I felt like a stranger in the world, going through the motions of being a mom on the outside while quietly panicking on the inside. As someone with lifelong anxiety and OCD tendencies, I had prepared myself for the possibility of increased anxiety after birth. I figured I’d be able to manage any slight fluctuations like I had during other periods of my life, so I was confused when, over the coming weeks, I couldn’t seem to get a grip. I was tired — and not just from lack of sleep. I felt emotionally overwhelmed and wanted nothing more than to go to bed, alone. I cried daily, sometimes without warning. I couldn’t focus on anything, including even the most lighthearted, simple TV shows. I longed for my pre-baby life with just my husband, when everything was familiar and easy. Worst of all, I felt detached from my daughter, yet unable to leave her side. Eventually, I came to realize that I wasn’t experiencing increased anxiety; I was experiencing postpartum depression (PPD). Recovery and reset Even after acknowledging that I had PPD, it took months for the feelings to subside. Only after my daughter turned one did I feel like I could breathe again. I remained incredibly scarred by those dark early months and couldn’t fathom going through it all again. Yet my husband and I had always known we wanted another child. So, eventually, I decided to reach out for professional help. [Related: Is your relationship ready for baby? 4 tips to prepare your partnership] Well in advance of trying for a second child, I contacted Flourish Wellness & Counseling, which provides therapy, advocacy and resources focused on perinatal mental health. I met with a therapist there who helped me process the lingering sadness, regret, and guilt brought on by my first postpartum experience. We revisited the difficult moments and, over many months, came up with a plan for how to handle my next postpartum period, whenever that time came. This plan involved: • Increasing my anxiety medication during my third trimester, a move whole-heartedly supported by the OBs at Northwestern Medical Group • Leaning on a solid support system, including my husband, parents and friends • Signing up for couples therapy through Flourish to give my husband and me the tools to collaboratively manage another potential experience with PPD • Joining a virtual second-time moms group through The Chicago New Moms Group to stay connected during the isolation of the pandemic Round two I became pregnant with my second child — another daughter — during the pandemic and gave birth in early January 2021. I felt an immediate bond with her, which was surreal, beautiful and welcome. I didn’t feel the terror I did the first time around because I had been through it all before. I also felt much more mentally balanced, thanks to the increased medication and a focus on getting at least one solid stretch of sleep each night by sharing feeding duties with my husband. [Related: Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders - The Most Common Complication of Pregnancy and Childbirth (members-only video)] By the time I returned to work at the 3-month mark, I felt triumphant. I had made it through the first few hard months and had even enjoyed parts of it. But just as I was celebrating my lack of depression, I started to notice some other troubling behaviors. I felt jittery and unsettled. I would often lie awake after night feeds, unable to turn my brain off. I started to have intrusive thoughts about something terrible (and terribly unrealistic) happening to my girls. I became snippy and irritable with all the worry swirling inside. Talking to my therapist, I realized that, while I had been hyper-focused on PPD, postpartum anxiety (PPA) had crept in. Using the resources I had already built in, however, I felt equipped to handle this unexpected turn of events. I talked to my husband, friends and family about what I was feeling. I visited my primary care provider, who adjusted my thyroid medication, and I spent many hours talking to my therapist. She helped me sort through my anxious thoughts, telling me that each postpartum experience differs, falling somewhere new on the spectrum of anxiety and depression. She also helped normalize my feelings, saying how common and even natural PPA is, given the fluctuating hormones and massive responsibility mothers feel. With her help, I was better able to compartmentalize my ruminating thoughts and prioritize self-care to get to a healthier place. The other side As I'm writing this, seven months into my second postpartum experience, I can honestly say I feel back to my normal self. I’m happy, healthy and (mostly) relaxed. Although I wish some parts of my postpartum experiences had been different, I’m grateful that I have an understanding of both ends of the spectrum so I can be a sounding board for other mothers going through the same thing. Mostly, I’m grateful for the resources available that gave me the courage to have a second child and discover some of the joy I had missed out on before.
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