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Our daughter is a little over 3.5, but we spent nearly nine months in her second year of life struggling with sleep. What were we thinking?! That’s something Linda Szmulewitz of Sleep Tight Consultants quickly helped us let go of. She taught us to stop troubleshooting in the sleep-deprived moment, set boundaries, and give ourselves a break. I was happy to have the opportunity to ask Linda five questions about sleep for NPN readers in a similar boat. Here’s what she had to say about sleep training, sleep crutches, and emerging from the newborn sleep trenches. 1. At what age should parents consider sleep training their children and is it ever too early, late, or ill-advised (when potty learning, welcoming a sibling, etc.) to do so? The time to start sleep training is 1) once your child is at an age when they are capable of soothing and regulating themselves. I start working with families at 18 weeks at the earliest. And beyond that 2) when whatever you are doing to help your child sleep is no longer working for you, your child or your family. That is to say that if whatever you are doing is working then far be it from me to say that it is a problem. As far as too late, I work with children until they are 10 years old so these are certainly things that are still changeable into school age years. These sorts of changes don’t necessarily get easier to make though as children get older. As far as timing, it isn’t a great idea to be trying to make changes that require a lot of consistency in the midst of anything that might be disruptive. Potty training could be one of those things, visitors who are going to make consistency hard, an upcoming trip (within the next 2 weeks—especially for toddlers/older children), a move or the imminent arrival of a sibling. 2. What's a sleep crutch, and how can parents determine if they're OK to use for their child/children? A sleep crutch or sleep association is anything you do to or for your child to help them fall asleep at bedtime and then often back to sleep overnight. Some examples of sleep crutches are feeding (nursing or a bottle), holding, rocking or bouncing to sleep. For children who are in a bed, the most common sleep crutch I see is when parents are laying down with their child to fall asleep at bedtime and then again overnight or co-sleeping whether it is at bedtime or throughout the whole night. Newborn babies and children under 4-6 months often need help falling asleep at bedtime. This is normal and to be expected. Often those things that we do to help our children fall asleep will stop working at some point in time. Just like in my answer to the question above, a sleep crutch is never something that is a problem until it is no longer serving you. In some cases, sleep crutches can continue to work as children get older but it will take longer and longer to coax a child into sleep as they have more capacity to stay awake for longer periods of time. In many cases, whatever you do to or for your child to help them fall asleep, they may need that much and more as the night goes on. 3. What's the deal with sleep regressions? Are they fact or fiction or something in between? Sleep regressions are absolutely real. Some children experience more regressions than others. This can often be related to your child’s temperament and how sensitive they are to things that are both changing in their body or things that might be changing in their environment. Sleep regressions most commonly are correlated with periods of developmental change/growth. The big ones are at 4 months (burst of developmental awareness, rolling, growth spurt), 9 months (separation anxiety, learning how to pull up to stand), 12 months (walking), 18 months (language developing very rapidly), 2 years (more language development, words having more power), 2.5/3ish (moving from a crib to a bed). Regressions can also be brought on by travel, illness or teething—times when parents end up not being as consistent as they might be otherwise, especially if these inconsistencies persist beyond when the disruption resolves. 4. What general recommendations do you have for first-time parents, especially when struggling with interrupted sleep and night feedings? In the early months, when you are in the trenches, know that this is normal. Hard, yes, absolutely. I would never minimize how difficult those early newborn days/months can be. It will get better though, both when your baby is at a developmental stage when they are capable of doing more independent soothing and regulation and their brain is developed in a way that enables them to sleep better, but also when they are at an age when you can make more significant changes. Honestly, my strongest recommendation would be to stay away from the internet and social media that makes it seem like you are doing it all wrong and everyone else has these things figured out. And see what kinds of supports you can put in place while you need them. This may be parents taking shifts throughout the night in order to help each parent get some longer stretches of sleep at a time (heads up that the short end of the stick shift is the early morning when sleep is the least consolidated for newborns)—this can be done even if you are breastfeeding, having family or close friends provide respite either at night or during the day to help you recover a bit or possibly a few nights of postpartum doula support. I promise, this is not forever, it can get better! 5. If you could give one piece of life-changing advice/encouragement to parents of children struggling with sleep, what would it be? My advice would be to help your child, at the very least, learn how to fall asleep independently at bedtime. This is often the key to the whole night. About 80% of all children will eventually sleep through the night once they have fallen asleep on their own at bedtime. It can certainly make a big difference. Linda Szmulewitz is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Gentle Sleep Coach. As owner of Sleep Tight Consultants, she has worked for over 15 years with tired families all around the world to teach their children the lifelong skill of sleeping. She also runs The Chicago New Moms Group. -
Parenting IRL “My daughter is in 7th grade. She had what seem like normal periods, but she thinks they are so heavy and wants to go on birth control. I have no idea who put this idea in her head, but she is obsessed with the concept and wants to do this before camp as she is concerned about a heavy period there. Is this a thing? (And for those of you who question if she is thinking about having sex, it’s a no. She isn’t interested in boys yet — or girls I suppose.) Thoughts?” Managing periods is a real and legitimate concern for kids — and it turns out hormonal birth control to manage heavy or irregular periods (not contraception) is more common than many parents realize. In this situation, lighter, more predictable periods can make a big difference for a kid navigating shared bathrooms, swim schedules, and not having easy access to a trusted adult. Whether it’s the best option depends on her specific situation, and that’s a conversation worth having with her pediatrician. If your daughter is asking about this, it’s worth taking seriously — many kids hear about period management from friends, social media, or school, and heavy periods are a real concern. We’d love to hear from parents who’ve navigated this situation. What worked for your family? Do you have any advice? Let us know here! But seriously ... Your Kid Isn’t Getting Enough Sleep. Therefore, Neither Are You. Here’s a number that should keep you up at night (which is ironic, because it’s about sleep): nearly half of all U.S. children (44%) don’t consistently get the recommended amount of sleep for their age, according to the National Sleep Foundation’s (NSF) 2026 Sleep in America Poll. Turns out most are underestimating how much sleep their kids need — often by more than an hour per day, compared to NSF recommendations. And it’s not just the kids who suffer — when one family member sleeps poorly, the effects can ripple through the entire household. (We’re guessing you already know this.) The fix isn’t complicated, even if it’s easier said than done: consistent bedtimes, screens off well before bed, and — yes — modeling it yourself. Catch those zzz’s! As a reminder, here are the recommended hours of sleep per the NSF: TIP: Subscribe to NPN Weekly to get more parenting news, trends, and tips straight to your inbox! -
Sleep is a tender subject for me. I’m neither a morning person nor a night owl. I hated sleepovers as a kid because contrary to the name, not much sleep happened. And then I became a mother. Obviously, sleep was elusive those first few years, but it really took a toll on me. My diagnosis of postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety had a lot to do with the difficulty I had parenting through the night and desperately trying to get my new baby to sleep. Nowadays, and two more kids later, sleep happens around here in a pretty drama- free way. And I think it’s all because of something that organically took shape in our nighttime routine. But before I tell you what I do and how I do it, I think it’s important you get a clear picture of my overall approach to nighttime sleep. This is my foundation and arguably the most important piece: I prioritize relational safety: Falling asleep on our own puts us in an extremely vulnerable place. We’ve all been there - stressed, anxious, afraid. And when a person feels that way, they enter a stress response. That’s the fight-or-flight response - and it’s the last thing we want at bedtime. So, we relate to our children in a way that regulates their nervous system. Obviously, this is something we’d do at all parts of the day, but it’s important to have a strong focus at this precious time of the evening. I’m fully present: Put the phone down and get laser focused on your kiddo(s). You might have work to do after bedtime; you might be dying to get some space alone, it will happen. Do what you need to do to protect your presence during the nighttime routine. I’m clear on where I’m flexible: Our routine is predictable, but it isn’t rigid. Sometimes I read 2 books, sometimes I read 4. Sometimes my kids fall asleep in their bed, sometimes they fall asleep in mine. These are the areas where I’m flexible. Consider the areas where you’re flexible. They don’t have to be the same as mine, but if you’re an absolute stickler on something, revisit it. Do you need to be a stickler? If so, fine! If not, ok! Commitment to this foundation of safety, presence, and flexibility could be true for 100 parents and yet the details of the evening would play out in 100 different ways. That’s the point! The routine is not the magic, you are. Once that foundation is in place, the rest is just practical details. I’m going to talk about two aspects of the nighttime routine that I believe are the most critical: What you do right before lights out and what you do after lights out. That’s really what this comes down to. Take a bath. Don’t take a bath. Have a super calm evening. Have a WWE wrestling match. Honestly, I don’t think too much of it matters. (Disclaimer: It does matter if you think it matters. If you’ve noticed your child has a better night without tv after dinner, then don’t do tv after dinner. If you notice that some rough and tumble play sends your child off to sleep more easily, then do the rough play.) Before Lights Out: For a lot of families, reading books is what happens right before lights out. Please, for the love of all that is holy, don’t threaten to take books away or use “no books tonight” as a consequence for something that happened earlier in the evening. You wouldn’t withhold dinner because you “ran out of time.” Don’t withhold the important moment of connection and calm that reading together brings. When you are in these precious last moments of awake time, all is forgiven. We aren’t implementing consequences or bringing up things your child did wrong - find another time. Your child keeps asking for another book? This is where you reference your flexibility. If you can read another book, read it. If you can’t, don’t. What happens when your child gets upset? This is where you are leaning on your relational safety and presence. After Lights Out Once you’re past books and everyone is regulated (again), it’s light out! This is the moment where stress seems to spike again - for kids and parents. You have two options: Leave the room but remain available or don’t leave the room and help your child fall asleep. It’s up to you. If you aren’t sure which approach to take, try one for a week and see how it goes. To help you decide, let’s take a look at each: Leave the room: Many parents are a fan of this one. I can hear some of you saying, “Yes! Netflix here I come!” I can also hear you asking, “But HOW!?” The answer: With a message to your child that you are available if they need you. It sounds counterintuitive. We don’t want our kids jumping out of bed to come find us all evening. But when we send a message that says, “I’m leaving you here and you have to stay without me and I’m not available to you” guess what, we’re telling our children they aren’t safe. Children are hardwired to survive. So, a message that says, “You’re on your own” is going to lead children to absolutely seek you out. So instead, you send a message of safety that sounds something like, “Goodnight! I’m here if you need me” or “I’m just in the other room and I’ll pop back to check on you” or even asking, “Is there anything you need before I kiss you goodnight?” Give it an honest try. If this wasn’t a message you were previously sending, it might not be magic. They may actually come find you to see if you really are available like you said you are. Stay true to your word. Get them what they need, take them back to bed, and again communicate that they aren’t alone. Fall asleep together: This is what I do and I’m not mad about it. Probably because both of my sons have a pretty quick drop off to sleep. And I think I know why. Something a little silly became part of our bedtime routine recently. My youngest son is really into Mario and so after books and lights out he asks me to tell him a story as we lay there in the dark. The story is always about Mario and the Mushroom Kingdom. I’m pretty good at this kind of improv, but the most important aspects of these stories are that they are slow and full of rich imagery. When their minds focus on the slow, vivid images in the story, their nervous systems settle into calm. They can fall asleep in complete safety - so they do, often before I even finish. I know how hard the bedtime routine can be. I’ve lived through the tears (mine and theirs), the late nights, and the exhaustion. Looking back, the hardest stretches were always when I’d lost sight of safety, presence, and flexibility. Once I leaned into those, it changed. Bedtime went from being a dreaded battle to one of the sweetest parts of my day. And that’s what I want for you too - not a “perfect routine,” but a foundation that makes your child feel safe, seen, and soothed. That’s what makes sleep possible. If you commit to it, I hand-on-my-heart-promise it will get so much better.
