3 Behaviors that Sabotage Bringing Out the Best in Your Kids

Written by: Jill M Hope

As parents, we all wish to see our kids flourish; to become all they are meant to be. However, as much as we try to do right by our kids, most of us have certain behaviors and habits that actually work against us when it comes to bringing out the best in our kids.

The problem is, we're often not aware of these habits or behaviors, or if we are aware of them,we don’t know how to change them.

It is in those parenting “blind spots”, as I call them, where we unknowingly plant ideas in our kids’ minds that keep them from reaching their full potential.

So, what are the 3 most common parenting behaviors that can hold back your kids?

1. Self-Criticism

When you constantly beat yourself up over something you’ve said or done to your kids, even if only through your thoughts, you teach your kids two negative concepts. First, they learn that making mistakes is bad, and second, that it is okay to not value yourself in all situations.

Making mistakes is one of the best ways to learn and grow, but when kids fear making mistakes, they will hold themselves back from trying new things.

Additionally, when you criticize yourself for your choices in the moment, your kids learn that they should not value themselves when they make a bad choice. This decreases self-worth and confidence.

2. Worry

When you worry about your kids, you can actually create a self-fulfilling prophecy. What we focus on expands, so when you spend your energy focused on potentially negative outcomes, you give a lot of energy to those outcomes, and you can actually create the very circumstances you wish to avoid.

Your kids look to you for their sense of stability and knowing that everything is okay. Yet, when they pick up on your worry (and they will!), they will start to sense that all is not okay, and this creates anxiety and a lack of confidence that can affect their choices in life.

3. Trying to “fix” your kids or their circumstances

When you see your kids being challenged, it’s only natural to want to swoop in and fix. When our kids hurt, we hurt, and all we want to do is make things better.

What parents miss by jumping in and taking control of the situation is the opportunity to teach your kids valuable problem-solving skills, including tapping in to their own intuition and knowing what is right for them.

Asking your child what she thinks would solve the problem and letting her share how she feels about the situation allows her to tap into her own knowing about what is right for her. If you don’t give your child the opportunity to look within herself for the answers, she is more likely to rely on the thoughts and views of others when trying to make her decisions and solve her own problems.

If you identify with some of these behaviors that may be hijacking your best parenting efforts, and you’re ready to learn positive strategies that will bring out the best in your kids, I invite you to join me in a beautiful and relaxing environment for our upcoming 4-part workshop series beginning May 14, “Discovering the Hidden Power in Your Parenting”. To learn more and to register, go to http://www.hiddenpowerparenting.com

Posted on May 06, 2013 at 2:54 PM