One of the most common misconceptions is that postpartum mental health only belongs to those who birth a child, and this is not true. Anyone who becomes a parent is now postpartum: non-birthing parents, parents who adopt, foster, or use surrogacy; these individuals often go underscreened and underserved.

Another common misconception is that postpartum mental health struggles only look like sadness; rage, over-functioning, and numbness can all be signs of a person struggling with their postpartum mental health.

Finally, there is the harmful idea that if you are struggling with postpartum mental health then you must not be grateful, and that could not be farther from the truth. You can be struggling with your postpartum mental health.

Show up, and keep showing up. The texts, phone calls, and visits all matter, they remind the person they are not alone. It is difficult to see a loved one struggling; as people, we want to provide a "fix" and be helpful. Showing up is the best way to be helpful during this time.

As far as encouraging therapeutic support, if that feels appropriate, a loved one can provide a specific referral to a perinatal-focused practice rather than saying "have you thought about therapy?" saying instead, “If you were thinking about therapy, it can be helpful during this time; here are some therapists that specialize in perinatal mental health." It is just as gentle and takes the task finding a therapist off their hands.

As a couple’s therapist, I have the privilege of sitting with couples navigating exactly this. My advice? Start the conversation early. Start with what childhood looked like for you. Who did what in your family growing up? What did relationships look like?

That early exposure creates our blueprint we view life through and shows up in parenthood, often without either person realizing it.

I encourage couples to talk explicitly about mental load and invisible labor, because resentment around these things tends to build quietly and fast. Decide now how you'll ask for help from each other, not assume it.

New parenthood is destabilizing for every couple. Couples who plan and realize the shift is inevitable can meet each other with the vulnerability and curiosity this time calls for.

I do see this changing, and I am hopeful this continues to change. I think social media and people bravely sharing their stories is a big reason. I think one-way loved ones, and even providers, can make it a normal part of the conversation is by remaining curious about the birthing person's experience.

There are many assumptions as to what an "easy" birth is, and that if your birth is "easy" then you have no trauma and that is absolutely not true. The only person who can define their birth as traumatic or not is the birthing person who experienced it.

It is an honor to hear anyone’s birth story, an honor we should sit with, rather than categorize for them.

Wow, really difficult to find just one. In this moment, I would say: grieve the life you're leaving. Yes, grieve. Your life is going to change tremendously, and while that can be incredibly joyous, it also can come with grief for the life you had, because you know you cannot go back. And two things can be true at the same time.

Give yourself permission to feel the full complexity of this transition. This transition asks a lot of you. And of course, when the noise in your mind gets too loud, remember that help is available, you are not failing, and you will find your way. Parents just do, and you will.