Homework without Tears or Tantrums: One Month Later

One of the great things about being involved in NPN is the opportunity to seek experts to help address problems we are having at home.  The recent big one for our elementary school child was the nightly struggle over homework.  It seems that it is the last thing anyone wanted to do.  Fatigue.  Inattention.  Boredom.  Oh, and that's just me!

Last month's Nurturing Wisdom program "Homework without Tears of Tantrums" offered a lot of good tips on how to get homework done without a nightly battle.  Here's what we learned, did in our household and how it has worked thus far:

• Embrace routines.  Who knew that routines were still important once sleep issues were behind us?  Homework usually was slotted randomly in with everything else. Thanks to NW, our son and I talked about when he wanted to do homework.  Mom taking "never" off the table quickly, he decided that after a snack was the best time.  I found that if the snack remained at the dining room table and did not drift to another part of the house, that we could stick to this routine. Our current challenge is the weekends, when our evenings can range from family time to playdates.

• Rejoice in mistakes.  Remember the old cliche "it is all a learning experience"? It is actually true!  A child (or adult for that matter) who isn't making mistakes isn't stretching themselves to learn new things.  We now begin every homework session with a pact to "make good mistakes".  Whereas before mistakes either meant that our son gave up or declared that he was stupid, now he just relaxes, thinks about a different approach, and has fun with trying new approaches.

• Remember:  It is their homework, not yours.  In my efforts to be helpful, I was actually taking away our son's "ownership" of his own learning.  Now, he sits at the dining room table while I prepare dinner (Mom's opportunity to make lots of mistakes!), he reads aloud and then he works on his own without my constant hovering.  He seems to feel greater pride that he 1) chose his own homework time, 2) kept trying and 3) did it on his own.

• Reinforce the value of the effort, not just the outcome.  Not all hard work results in the "right" answer.  Yet, it is the ability to work hard, come up with alternatives and persist which is the right approach to problems...be they reading, math or learning how to ride a bike.  I went from "look how smart you are" to "look at how hard you worked at that". 

I can't truthfully say that homework is our son's favorite activity---but it has ceased to be his least favorite.  In addition to reinforcing his academic skills, my sense is he is developing life skills he can use whatever the work might be throughout his life. 

Don't miss the October 22nd Elementary School Parents Group event presented by Nurturing Wisdom on "The Successful Child".  This event is open to the public (adults only, please) so share it with your friends!   RSVP today!

Save the date:  Saturday,  November 12th:  Talking Turkey with an Educational Consultant, Dara Milner.  Get answers to your questions during our informal roundtable. Submit questions in advance to Bernadette at elemparents@npnparents.org.

Thank you to Nurturing Wisdom for presenting to the NPN ESP Group!  If you couldn't make the last event, Nurturing Wisdom has shared the handouts:  Establishig Homework Habits in Young Learners & Suggested Reading.

NOTE: The ESP Group could use a Co-Chair!  If you are interested, please send a note to elemparents@npnparents.org  As co-chair, you can 1) organize presentations 2) social events for families 3) social events for parents only.  This is a great opportunity to expand your knowledge and/or your social life.

Posted on September 27, 2011 at 2:06 PM

Comments

Tweet